A couple years back I had an incident involving a folding ladder and my thumb. Yikes! I believe I covered that at the time. Regular dedicated non-readers will recall that I damn near broke my thumb and invented some new swear words in the process.
But, that hot, August night later found me out in the backyard, smoking a cigarette and suddenly needing to pee. Three o'clock in the am, wearing only boxers, I slipped Mr. Johnson out of the friendly confines and relieved myself.
You fellas know that it's very natural and freeing to pee outdoors, au natural. You ladies know that, given our equipment, it's pretty darn easy. Admit it- your jealous! Maybe some of you gals can write your names in the snow but, it requires a lot of jumping around while squatting. We just wave the wand around and thank god for cursive writing and that extra beer we had.
But, ya know, it is not legal to go around peeing in public, even on your own property. If you've ever been to Mardi Gras it seems that that is half the arrests their police make during Carnival. They need to be more generous with port-a-potties. The restaurants and bars get (understandably) snippy about non-patrons using their bathrooms. They like it to be pay as you go....
Anyways, I got to thinking about the water shortage- and were looking at a world-wide one soon- and it dawned on me that we could save untold billions(?) of gallons of water if we men would pee outside more. Do the math. Three and a half gallons to flush away a few cups of coffee or a couple of Millers? Times that by 150 million guys, several times a day. That's a lot of water! So, why not?
Well, it's a lot of dicks too and therein lies the rub.
The neighbors, most likely, do not want to see Ferrerman's penis several times a day. I drink a lot of coffee, water and have a few beers at times. Even the ones that do want to view, will tire of it soon enough. More importantly, their business is not my business. It's one thing to enjoy the warmth of a dark August night, definitely another the light of a January day. This isn't France or the French Quarter where any alley can be seen as a bathroom. And that there are 300 million plus people in this country alone and many of them are children or church-going old ladies, well, clearly we have to practice a bit of decorum and not let our private activities go public.
Perhaps though, in what's left of my lifetime, the water shortage will become very real. The GOP can convince you that we can't live without oil but, I promise you, we CANNOT live without water. I don't know if they are stupid and are trying to get rid of the EPA so they can again destroy lakes and rivers to facilitate the need for water resources that their friends own but, I wouldn't be surprised. Their goal does seem to be to get out of this life with as much money as possible, as if that would impress the God that likely isn't even there....
Think about this the next time you plunk down a couple of dollars for a plastic bottle filled with water that may be the same as what comes from your own tap. Think about the 60's when gasoline was 25 cents a gallon. Go fill your tank now.
And, if the rest of the neighborhood is asleep tonight, water your rose bushes. Why not?
5 comments:
Much of the world still doesn't enjoy the running water that we take for granted. Sad but, they are already way ahead of Ferrerman in their *freedom* in this respect.
Another drawback from peeing outside is that everywhere would soon stink. I have no objections to the odd, emergency, countryside pee - when your back teeth are awash, you have to go :) -but in suburbia it would soon get whiffy.
I don't buy bottled water, I too believe it comes out of a tap, and yesterday I had to pay $1.39 per litre for petrol (approx.$5.58 per gallon). Fortunately, I only have a small car and a tank full lasts me a while.
We are already desalinating sea water and moves are afoot to recycle waste water for drinking. We don't have a lot of water in OZ.
I think the Beach Boys said it best, Sue: "In an ocean or in a glass, cool water is such a gas!" I've heard that desalination is expensive but, every little bit helps. Like not running the water while brushing teeth, shorter showers, rain barrels, etc. Madison Avenue makes it look like we ALL need to be drinking water, ALL the time and that is certainly exacerbating the problem. The 1%ers are on their way to controling our water supplies for profit rather than conservation.
http://www.propublica.org/article/buried-secrets-is-natural-gas-drilling-endangering-us-water-supplies-1113
...another threat to our water supply...
Sincerely,
Devoted non-reader
(glad you got rid of that Christmas tree - it was really slowing up the blog post delivery)
Haliburton! Amazing, disgusting, greedy bastards. I've seen the videos of people lighting their kitchen faucets afire.... Thanks for the read!
Yep, the tree went to the curb New Years Day. Then I remembered it was artificial and I put it in the basement for next year.
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