Friday, July 27, 2012

Lunch counter 2012?

The irony of the Chik-Fil-A drama is that, if Dan Cathy had stayed in the closet, nobody would have known he was a bigot. Oh- they might have wondered but, that's the way people are. But, Cathy opted to get all flamboyant about it. Then, other media types who are like him got emboldened and then came out in support of Cathy. Who knew that Mike Huckabee was that way!? He's like a priest or something! And all of Foxnews! It takes all kinds, I guess. Anyway, I guess bigots have their rights too but, do they have to be so flamboyant? Sheesh- I bet they're going to have parades next!

Republicans, Christian conservatives- all those assholes- are extremely flamboyant these days. But, just when you think it's annoying and you wish they'd shut up, you realize that it's best to have them out of the closet and on the public record. See, these people weren't in metaphorical closets, they were in board rooms, senate chambers- positions of power, where they could use their bigotry at their discretion. It isn't just gays. Gays are a pretty easy target in their eyes, or so it would seem. All sorts of people are fighting back against the Dan Cathy types because they are realizing they could be next. Jesus is famous for saying: "That which you do to the least of my people, you do to me." Something like that. There is more of that every day and conservatives are getting more and more flamboyant about it.

True, in many ways they always have. The Klan and Neo-Nazi's have long held public rallies. Now we have Tea Partiers in costume with weapons displayed. What's the difference?

Acceptance. Or, the perception of acceptance. If ten years ago a fast food chain had an anti-gay or anti-anything agenda, we didn't know about it. Now it's front page news so people can know about it and argue about it.

One of the arguments is "Why should we care what Chick-Fil-A thinks?"

Because corporations are people, my friend. Thanks to the Supreme Court they are free to use their money to manipulate American elections. No, Texas can't execute one but, they are considered *people*. And they are rich people whose opinions matter more than mine or yours because they reach a larger audience than you or I.

What's really offensive is that Chick-Fil-A (which has awesome sausage biscuits, by the way) doesn't at all mind alienating a sizable portion of their market by going out of their way to alienate a sizable portion of their market. Seems like bad business to me. While its not exactly the American apartheid of the recent old South with segregated lunch counters, in almost as bad in that, they'll cheerfully serve anyone but, a portion of the profits goes to discriminating against a portion of the clientele.

So, boycott them for their bigotry? Sure. They came out of the closet and got all uppity and in every one's faces about their bigotry. They asked for it!

Dan Cathy has a *right* to his views and values as well. He's even got a *right*, I guess, to be a bad businessman and brag about his views.

We all have a right to choose a side or even ignore the whole deal. Whether gay people marry or not doesn't affect/effect me at all. It really shouldn't matter to anyone but the gay intendeds anyway. What matters to me is any group of people trying to limit another group's rights. Jesus was against that and so is Ferrerman. Someone has to take on the values of Jesus Christ if the Christians are not willing to do it. Jesus just might have been the founder of the liberals.

And besides, now we're stuck with the dilemma of debating whether corporate bigotry is instilled at incorporation or if it's a business model? I wonder what the Bible says about that.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Business as usual

Foxnews and it's political arm- the GOP- think that it's not a good time to talk about guns, so soon after the murders in Aurora, Colorado.

Every moment prior to the killings was an excellent time to talk about how Obama plans to confiscate guns in his second term and that the ill-advised "Fast & Furious" gun-walking scheme was actually a grander scheme to give *reason* to revoke the Second Amendment but- for fuck's sake- let's NOT discuss gun control with gun-induced mayhem so freshly on the nation's minds! Let's wait until the ironic smoke clears. If people still want to talk about it then, well OK. Unless football season has started...

Gun sales are up this week in Colorado and elsewhere in the US. This is typical after these shootings we've become so used to. People suddenly want to protect themselves or want to buy up more guns and ammo in case Barack Obama suspends the Constitution. After all, he rammed that Healthcare down our throats- something Hitler or Stalin would have done...

But, I digress. Guns are here to stay. There are more guns than people in the US. I garaunfuckingtee that this country will not be disarmed until after the revolution. Regardless of who sponsors the revolution, the *winners* will not want a bunch of folks running around with guns like it's Somalia or Arizona. You can fill people's heads with the notion that bloodshed equals freedom but, if they still have that notion plus guns in their hands after they realize they've been played, you've got trouble on your hands. That's why swords are beaten into plowshares. It keeps the people from rising up again.

The victims in Colorado took one for the Second Amendment team. They took rounds as fast as that nut could pull the trigger from a magazine that held 100 rounds. They "took one for the team" because, for the gun nuts to retain the right to have such weaponry, we have to be victims of others who have the right to have such weaponry. I'm sure many gun nuts felt sad for the victims but, they felt sadder that the movie theatre deprived the victims of their right to defend themselves. That's what I gather from various idiots on TV and the internet. A ridiculous amount of heroes believe they personally could have stopped the armor-clad bastard with their pistol. Well, that is just insane. And, given that Colorado is gun country, we'll never know how many patrons WERE armed that night but did NOT pull their weapons out of wizened knowledge or outright frozen fear. A dark theatre, lit only by the screen, a smoke grenade explodes, SOMEONE starts shooting...what do you do?

A study after WWII claimed that as many as 25% of soldiers in that war never fired their weapon in combat. Fear would be a factor, as would not wanting to kill another human being. Despite training, one out of four combat soldiers would not fire their guns and X number more might shoot but, not exactly aim at anyone. Who knows?  Yet 100% of internet commandos could take down an assailant armed with superior firepower and body armor. Idiots. They often talk about the foolishness of bringing knives to gunfights yet can't see how under-powered they are up against rifles or shotguns. Amazing.

I like guns. They're dangerous as all get out but, they can be a lot of fun! Gun nuts like to make the specious argument that people die in car accidents so, why don't we ban cars! Well, because that would be silly, that's why! The thing is we regulate cars for safety and try to keep people from misusing them but, despite our best efforts, people still speed, drive drunk and are just plain careless.

The thing is, we're not trying hard enough with guns. 100 round drum clips???!!! Who but a deranged asshole with dyed red hair needs that kind of capacity? Never mind hunting as I don't think the NRA bothers to make that argument anymore. The founders, with the 2A, weren't thinking about hunting with the right to bear arms. Hunting was how you got meat back then. As far as they envisioned, it would always be that way. The Founders could not imagine supermarkets.

And, given the muskets of the day, they certainly could not have envisioned AR15's with 100 round drum magazines. What they did envision- I believe- was the necessity of militias to protect the country as the new country was not fond of standing armies. Back in the day, you could still rally the townsfolk in times of crisis. It hasn't worked that way since. The world has changed a bit.

The second Amendment has to change too. It's like following the Bible. We don't sell our daughters into slavery or  stone people for working on the Sabbath anymore despite that having been the word of God. I don't think he's actually come off that edict- not publicly- yet we don't do those things anymore. And we don't rally the townspeople when Japan attacks and threatens us and the world. We have standing armies for such eventualities and it's been that way for a few hundred years. Women can vote and the slaves that were 3/5ths of a person at the time of our founders are now African-Americans, citizens and 100% people.

Yes, we'd all be better off if there were no guns left in the valley, but, that's not going to happen, not in a good or easy way. Ironic but, the very people looking to enslave us are the ones who scream the loudest about having NO gun control. They are the ones we should fear. Eventually they will fear themselves.  

Monday, July 23, 2012


I received this message from Topix this morning:

This is a warning from the Topix moderators. Failure to comply with the Topix Terms of Service will result in your forum posts being removed from the system, and a ban on future posting. (click here to acknowledge this warning)
Can't you at least play nice on the Shooting threads? Stop all the insults immediately! admin@topix 
The irony is, I was just about to reply to some asshole who was complaining that gun control only restricts law-abiding citizens, that criminals don't have to abide because, well, they are criminals. Further irony is, I was going to respond to an unregistered poster. How ironic that Ferrerman, as a registered poster, has to abide by the TOS but, the graybox asshole doesn't have to.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Why is Ferrerman posting in italics???" This is a good question. The easy answer is, Blogger is extra wonky today. It usually italicizes the wrong words about the sixth or seventh time I use it in a post, for no good reason. I use italics for emphasis A LOT. I DO THIS SO I DON"T HAVE TO CAPITALIZE LIKE I"M FUCKING SCREAMING WHEN I"M NOT SCREAMING... just EMPFascizing....
You were probably also thinking; "Didn't Ferrerman quit Topix or get fired or something?"
If you're scoring at home, I don't remember myself. Topix is pretty bizzarre. Hard to keep up with. I think the mods like me cussing them out so they threaten to ban me everytime they get to wondering if they are motherfuckers, or sanctimonious do-nothing cocksuckers. Those over-paid assholes must get lonely, I guess.
Anyways, back to the irony. Yes, criminals do not follow the rules. That's one reason why they're criminals.  The price they pay for not following the rules is jail and prison. I shouldn't have to explain this to grown ups but, I do. Conservatives think the solution to EVERYTHING is deregulation. They really don't think there should be ANY restrictions on guns because it clearly says THAT in the second amendment even though it doesn't say THAT at all.  
"TOO MANY RULES!!!" the law and order crowd says! THAT'S some irony there!

In a nation of laws, suddenly we crave anarchy?  How Topixy...

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

We hold truthiness to be self-serving...

Willfully ignorant people really piss me off.

"Really, Ferrerman? Is this a new development?"

Check this out:

You know, folks, there's politics and there's fudging a bit here and there in the name of politicking...and then there is willfully fucking stupid.

I was thinking earlier today that you could forgive somebody for being fearful or leery of Obama four years ago. I'm using *forgive* loosely because they said some really, really stupid stuff back then. It's one thing to be fearful of FEMA camps and communism four years ago when there was the slimmest of possibilities that Obama *could* do these things but, it's just fucking stupid to STILL be saying these things now. Look at that senile old sherrif, Joe Arpaio. He's concluded Obama's birth certificate is a forgery. Oh. The guy was relevant for 15 minutes once upon a time for serving green baloney sandwiches to low-risk inmates he housed in tents in Arizona. He was such a fucking genius of a Criminologist that he cured crime in Arizona and was able to devote time and state's money to uncovering the massive conspiracy that was the birth of president Barack H. Obama. Oh. Well, Joe, good luck getting the POTUS into a pink jumpsuit and into one of your tents.

Where do we get these people??!! Where is their sense of shame? Is being famous or getting on TV worth being willfully stupid? People used to giggle about the idiots who went on TV shows like Jerry Springer and confessed to doing often obscenely embarrassing things. Now people go on Sunday morning news shows or have their own segment on Fox, spew whatever comes to mind as *fact* and people are OK with that. Willfully ignorant idiots are just part of the culture now. Oh- it would be bad if they are liars. But, they are NOT liars. Nope, they are idiots! That's OK.

Four years later, people saying the same shit about Obama is stupid. But, as long as you believe it, you're not a liar. You're an idiot but, not a liar.

A lot of people these days have no problem being stupid. For the current newscycle they will have no problem believing that Barack Obama hates business and yada-fucking-yada. You just never mind that it doesn't make a lick of sense. If you can get other idiots to believe it, then it's really, really not a lie!

Mostly, lacking shame, they cannot admit that they were wrong. So, they keep pressing. That square peg WILL go in the round hole, one of these days! I'm a Cub fan. I *know* they will win the World Series some day. I'm just not a fucking idiot about it. Me declaring that the Cardinals suck or are Marxists (red uniforms....) isn't going to help the Cubs win. It usually takes pitching. Anthony Rizzo looks like the real deal....

Believing, is not enough. Willful ignorance is not enough. The pundits on TV are sounding exactly like Topix posters these days. Is the tail wagging the dog? It's one thing for a troll like my stalker, Sam, to be stupid. We've come to expect that from imaginary people on the internet. But, when politicians sound like Sams, we've truly gone through the looking glass.

I wonder if Jerry Springer is still on? Maybe he's got an hour on FOX?

Monday, July 16, 2012

Business Model

Let's face it: conflict sells. You don't watch the local news to hear and see how wonderful things are in your city. They'll do stories about that but, if it bleeds it leads is the local affiliate mantra.

It's the same with Topix, whose business model I recently pointed out is assholes. They're in the asshole business. They are all about assholes, specifically the care and feeding of assholes. THEY LOVE ASSHOLES!

That's not really a secret. Though there is a social aspect to the threads on Topix where people spend an inordinate amount of time exchanging pleasantries, even those threads are doing it as a formality. They give niceness a perfunctory ol' college try to get it out of the way so they can get to fighting. It's human nature, I guess and, it's what pays the bills at Topix.

Though I wouldn't be too surprised to learn that Topix employs paid posters, I doubt they need to. There are billions of people in the world and maybe half have internet access? Conservatively, how  many millions are assholes? You don't have to pay people to be assholes. They'll generally do it for free. On Topix or similar chat rooms/message boards that don't screen people, one finds out pretty quick that assholes are welcome. The more the merrier. When you post on Topix you might quickly notice the abundance of assholes. This could be a turn-off or it could feel like a huge, family reunion.

Elsewhere on the internet, I'm sure there are paid posters drumming up conversation for political parties or other agenda-driven political entities. Duh! Rush Limbaugh and shows like his have fake callers with prepared questions phoning in. Rush doesn't want anyone mucking up his agenda. In a way, aside from control it's,  well, control. I kinda understand that. Idiots love to grieve the president about reading prepared speeches off the teleprompter but, the reason he does this is so he doesn't sound like GW Bush. Thus, when a politician is doing a *town hall* type presentation, s/he's winging it with screened questions from pre-chosen people. Again- so they don't sound like Bush. So-called *reality TV* is scripted as much as possible too because, it makes people more interesting than they really are, or at least more articulate. Control.

So, no one is being paid to post on Topix. The lifers like Kevin, Sam, A770 and others just do it because, well, that's what assholes do. Topix loves them because they are good for business. And, since they work for free, the price is right! Individually they each make several hundred posts every day, most of the provocative variety. They literally provoke people by...wait for it...being assholes! Other assholes see them posting and feel a kindred soul attraction. It's like they belong to a fraternity or, a clique... Most any of the Forums are like asshole conventions these days, particularly the political ones. For advertising purposes, a post saying: "Obummer sux!" counts just as much as a finely crafted Ferrerman-type post that is actually about politics. Topix doesn't care a bit about quality- just quantity. Quantity pays the bills.

To that end, they do coddle the assholes because the assholes bring quantity. They give the assholes a lot of rope, moreso than they give folks like me. For example, Sam has a history of frequently posting my real life name whenever I've so out-witted him that he gets mad. That happens a lot. I complain and, using every minute of three business days, Topix very often sometimes removes the posts, long after the damage has been done. Sometimes, it's very easy to track someone when they are following you. It helps if, like Sam, they aren't very smart. While it's offensive to me that Topix would protect an asshole like Sam, I do get the part where they have to look after each other. There is safety in numbers in the asshole community and, a vested interest in combating non-assholes.  Especially the assholes like me who don't post enough to keep Topix in the lifestyle they've become accustomed to...

We're out-numbered folks. It's us against them. At least Topix keeps them in one convenient location where they can be ignored as necessary. Some of you folks now know exactly what you're missing. You're welcome!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Un-banned? Sheesh....

Well, damn...I was banned there for a few hours....

Sheesh. It's like an O. Henry story. Not the Gift Of The Maji- the one where the guy can't get arrested 'cause it's Christmas. Here it is- against the Topix Terms Of Service to juxtapose the first letters of some faggot trolls name- and Topix *understandably* (sarcasm alert!)  bans you for this and then you put the fucking faggots photo on your avatar and write an e-mail to Topix mods basically using all the really choice epithets and THEN, you come to find out that, after all that, you weren't banned any more. Sheesh.

What was the point again?

My friend Hegel pointed out that once you step away from Topix, you realize how fucking retarded it is. I mean- she knew that before and I knew that but, once you look at it from a non-posting perspective- when you think you can't post anymore- it is really, really fucking retarded. There is actually a difference. Amazing but true. The petty squabbles seem pettier. The obsessive control freaks like A770, Kevin, Sam and others seem more pathetic. The viscious, republican Taliban seem even more hateful than before. Honestly, if Obama came out in favor of breathing in oxygen, these fuckheads would quit breathing. I wish he'd try....

It makes you wonder why you bothered. Yes, it's fun at first- making fun of 'tards. These are not rational, intelligent people. Not a one of these idiots is a retired millionaire but they will sell their soul to these devils if it means getting the nigger out of office. Kill the unions? Sure! Fuck them teachers! I have yet to see one that disagreed with ANY tea party platform. Beating reichtards about the genitals? If it will get Obama out of office they will not mind Sean Hannity taking a hammer to their own nuts. He's already done it to their heads so, why not? Anything for a cause....

But, I digress. Just trying to illustrate the useless, futility of the threads and that quitting really does work wonders. Except for the people who don't quit. They stay the same. That's a shame.

Monday, July 9, 2012


(Topixtown, USA) Legendary poster and famous bottom-spanker, Ferrerman, quit Topix in a dispute with it's mall security guard-like moderators, this weekend. Friday, one of the mods sobered up long enough to issue a warning to Ferrerman after he had made a post as *Gavid Dilmore*, about an hour earlier. Topix was incensed at this behavior and warned Ferrerman that he would be *IP banned* if he ever did that again! Ferrerman found this curious because in the several dozen times *Gavid Dilmore* has posted Ferrer's actual real-life name, Topix had used every motherfucking minute of the three business days *necessary* to deleting such posts... that is, when they bothered to get a round tuit at all. Topix is not at all  known for having a level playing field. However, they are well known for catering to assholes. Turns out, assholes are their business model. Who knew?

Unbeknownst to Topix, if you tell a Ferrerman he can't do something, he might not do that but, you can bet your fat, mall-security-moderating ass he will do something. In this case, something was an avatar photo change, to the one of *Gavid Dilmore*, Topix  stalker. Topix didn't appreciate that but, it wasn't until they sobered up Sunday night, that they noticed. Ferrerman had this to say about that: "Stupid fuckers..."

Likely, what Ferrerman meant by that was that Topix mods were stupid fuckers for trying to run such a bluff on him. He may also have added that "(you) don't spank the bottom-spanker!" You know how Ferrerman is! The stupid, drunken, mall-securityish mods should have realized this. Topix policy is to be "asshole friendly". It's in the Terms Of Service. If you make a thousand posts a day like a *Kevin* or a *Sam*, you can pretty much do whatever you like on Topix, just keep on inflating those numbers.


All fun and games aside, it was my call to push these fucks here, and call their bluff. I think it's been pretty obvious the last year or so that Topix best days are far, far behind them and that they do, indeed, cater to assholes like Kevin and Sam. If Facebook pays third world people $1 an hour to moderate FB, how generous could Chris Tolles be with his mods? I'm guessing these people who, by their own admission, post and play the stupid game, are paid nothing more than the perk of a free proxy to troll with and the ability to see people's IP's and pull posts when they feel like it.  Maybe that plus 50 cents an hour? They are the trolls! I think that's pretty obvious.

I don't want to contribute to that. Frankly, I hadn't been *contributing* much to the Topix coffers of late. It's all well and good that that Sam followed up absolutely every post I've made in the last few years, as Topix gets to add that shit to the post count. Me ignoring Sam does NOT add to their already inflated post count either. Think about that. An asshole like Kevin has over 100 socks, PLUS- nearly 60,000 posts under his Kevin avatar. Same with Sam. Who knows how many others like them post elsewhere on Topix? How that is considered legitimate post counts is beyond me and likely beyond the advertisers as well. I'm not saying either of these assholes- Sam and Kevin- are employees of Topix. They post so much they wouldn't have time to cash those 50 cent an hour checks. Their purpose in life is to pad the Topix post counts by annoying as many posters as possible, so that they may pad the post count too, thus, padding the Topix bank accounts.

Topix is a sewer. It fully intends to stay that way. They are content with the inmates running the asylum as evidently it pays well enough to more than cover the costs of various lawsuits against them.

I apologize for phoning this blog post in but, my heart just isn't in this. If I didn't get myself banned, I'd probably still be a *productive* citizen of Topixtown. That's nothing to be proud of. The best are hitting the bricks already. The worst are staying. Topix deserves them and they deserve Topix. You get what you pay for folks, and Topix is worth every penny.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

America needs to get real!

I've got a *friend* on Facebook, whom I've blocked. That' is why there are *'s around friend. She's still a friend but, she's someone whose political crap is something I've long since grown tired of seeing on my newsfeed. I mean- it's all well and good that she thinks Ron Paul will save America but, I cannot be convinced of this even after a thousand links saying so. Add to that a few thousand more links about Barack Obama's plans to enslave us and you might agree that looking at her page every once in awhile to see how her kids have grown is much more sane and practical.

Somehow, this got through though:

I can never mind the disingenuous whining about something being *unconstititional* despite the USSC saying it is, indeed, constitutional. This isn't a bang-bang play at first base where the replay shows the umpire got it wrong but, there's nothing you can do about it but shrug your shoulders and say, "Well, that's baseball!"

No, this is taking your ball and going home. We're not gonna play any more! Bad call!!

But, worse, it's saying that, not only are you not going to play anymore, when Major League Baseball calls in armed troops to force you to play, rest assured, sportsfans, that those troops will NOT follow illegal orders to fire upon Americans to force them to play because, evidently, our troops who actually have socialized medicine, do not think civilians should? The horror...

What the fuck is the matter with these people? They can extrapolate absofuckinglutely anything to the nth degree.

I've spent a lot of time fighting these insane idiots. Why not join them? Hmmm...

So, I'm watching a rerun of AMC's wonderful "Walking Dead" series. There's a scene where Shane, the bad cop, beats the snot out of a miscreant wife-abuser. With the editing, special effects and all that Hollywood stuff we've grown up with, it looks pretty much like Shane is really putting a whuppin' on that ol' boy.

Under a Romney administration, he WOULD! That's right. Hollywood make up artists (probably all gay anyway) are elitist. That kinda shit costs money! Things that cost money cut into profits. Without profits, there's nothing to trickle down and we become socialists. No one wants that.

Romney's plan, based on Greek Theatre of old, would use slaves (democrat/liberals) as real-life victims in shows. The scene calls for a face-beating? Beat an actual face! How much more real can it get? This can be done in one take and for a fraction of the cost of the ridiculously expensive Obama plan. And, you can't beat realism. We need good, old-fashioned realism instead of this expensive, fake stuff. Why not use real guns and bullets on cop shows? And real blood instead of the more photogenic chocolate syrup. Anything else circumvents the 2A, something Hollywood liberals have been trying to do for decades. The founders DID NOT endow us with the supreme right to bear stunt, blank arms!! How the hell do people think we beat England like that??!

Now, of course, some people might balk at this. Liberal/democrat *actors* might be those some people. We all know how difficult they can be. Look, if you volunteer, your family in the camp get an extra ration of gruel. If you don't, they get nothing like the America-haters they are!

Well, this is what I have heard is Romneys plan. The Lame Stream Media- Foxnews- won't report it but, you know how they are...

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Beers with Ferrerman

The other day another nemesis in the threads surprised me by telling another poster how much he enjoyed the jovial back-and-forth between him and I. He went on to say that he hoped one day to have some beers with me.

This surprised me to the point where I said, "What the fuck is wrong with these people?!"

That's a question I routinely ask myself and the answer is usually in their belief that it makes sense to fire teachers and lazy firefighters and not tax millionaires because these things would all be *good for the country*. So, in short, they're fucking delusional and crazy.

In the threads, I have jovial back-and-forth with other posters but they tend to be of the spankable persuasion rather than the *burn America to the ground for the insurance so we can get back to our founders roots but, this time with fully automatic weapons!* persuasion.

I can be rather deft in putting reichtards down and I prefer that to the typical reichtard style of slashing and burning while projecting sodomy fantasies upon others. I do, in my own way, taunt and provoke and I've used a few gay slurs myself but, after a few hundred cries for help from the closet by these reichtards, you see a pattern developing. I'm liberal and, in deference to gay people, I kinda cringe when I do it but, I think the gays understand that I mean them no harm. It's cliche to attack some one's sexual identity but, some of these people clearly are on the down low. I don't think Anderson Cooper was trying to fool anyone. These people are trying, I think.

But, I digress. I'm particular about whom I drink with but it's got very little to do with those who might be closet cases looking to jump out after tipping a few. That aside, my concern is that, if someone proves them self to be a disagreeable, violent asshole while sober, a few too many beers isn't going to wash that away. Mind you, yes, it could but, why take the chance? Based on my experience as a former bartender and years of partying, these types tend to get even more pugnacious when fueled by alcohol. Imagine that!

So, it's the threads and though imaginary bars are part of that imaginary world, I won't even have virtual drinks with these miscreants and actual beers are never going to happen. Still, I cringe at the thought that they might think this is an option. It just might be a glimpse into their real lives. It makes me wonder if, in lieu of medication, doctors are now prescribing laptops for bi-polar patients. Is that covered under Obamacare? If it's not that, it seems like it might be a sort of domestic abuse outreach where these guys, instead of beating the old lady and making it all better with flowers, they abuse clear-thinking liberals and then throw a party. Yikes. It's a might passive-aggressive, eh?

Disingenuous as well. The same people who seem to be auditioning for concentration camp guard jobs with their daily vitriolic  posts, not-so-secretly desire to drink beers with Ferrerman- the poster child for left-wing liberalism!!?? Might be "daddy issues". Where's a fake, internet therapist when you need one?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I feel your pain!

I really do. It's hard for me to watch a clip show like Tosh.O where people are always wiping out or running into things. I feel it, though not painfully, through my groinal region. It's like a cringe rather than boner-inducing, I should add.

This feeling only happens in reality, caught-on-tape moments of mayhem. My mind and body seems to differentiate between stunt-fighting and Hollywood wipe outs. It knows no one is getting hurt in those. But when skateboarders hit the pavement- OUCH!

I really don't want to see people getting hurt even if it's just scrapes and bruises. I started looking at a youtube clip of 'girl fails' or something like that, and gave up after a pretty girl hit her face on a diving board and that was followed by another healthy girl in a bikini, hitting the pavement because getting towed on a skateboard alongside a vehicle didn't work out as well as she planned. She didn't seem hurt and she wanted to try it again! The driver was not up for that. He probably realized that, had she falling to her right, she's under his wheels and...

There seems to be no shortage of people willing to do stunts on camera. I'll just try not to look...

Danica Patrick is a bitch!

"Sheesh, Ferrerman! Why is every strong, independent, successful woman "a bitch"? Why the double standard? Would you say that about a strong, independent, successful man?!?"

Why, yes. Yes I would. Try this on:

Mitch McConnell is a bitch.

Happy now? It's a familiar lament from women and they do get denigrated as "bitches" for things that men tend to get applauded, respected, and feared for. My thing is, these seemingly strong, admired men are bitches too. It's just more accepted for a man to be a bitch. It's just not talked about.

Jamie Dimon, who is a dude, recently appeared before some senate panel to discuss something about losing billions of dollars as CEO of JPMorgan Chase. It had something to do with his degenerate gambling skills, which are sometimes good, sometimes awful. In this case they were awful. He lost like 9 billion dollars recently. You'd think the senators would be inquisitive and angry about that but, when you *lose* 9 billion dollars on Wall Street, that money goes somewhere and that somewhere is generally the right place, the place it was intended to be lost in anyway.

But, instead of being angry, the senators seemed to be quite enamored of Dimon. Frankly, I think Bob Corker wanted to suck his dick. The other senators did too. Who knows what happened off camera?

As I watched the coverage, I had to wonder if it had been a female Jamie Dimon, would the committe have been so indulgent and amorous? I don't think so.

Danica Patrick is a babe. Very spankable. She's a NASCAR driver if you're scoring at home. She's also featured in those truly horrible "GO DADDY" commercials, if you're not familiar with racing. She's a little spitfire of a gal and has a mouth on her. She's been known to shove other drivers, on AND off the track, if they piss her off.

You know what that makes her? A NASCAR driver, that's what. Almost all of them are like her. Really, this is one of the reasons I let NASCAR fall by the wayside several years ago after years of being a fan. They're a bunch of fucking whiners! I couldn't stand it anymore. It wasn't enough to fall out of the race because there was a wreck in front of you and you got caught up in it because, at 175mph, shit happens. You have to blame someone else and give a reason why the Huggies Big Boy Pull-ups #35 car wrecked. It was because the #37 car has it in for you and yada-effing-yada... NASCAR became the WWF on wheels and I got out. Lots of other people did too. Then they brought in Danica Patrick, who has a spankable bottom, to spice things up. This should have brought me back but, it didn't. She is more of the same, just attractive. Let's face it: either one of the Busch boys is a better driver (big deal) and both are bigger bitches but, Danica Patrick is a babe. This is good for racing, I guess. The thing is, when I scroll through the channels and look at the race, invariably there is a wreck or "debris on the track" causing a caution and this means more commercials and less racing. Football has "TV time-outs" and NASCAR has "debris on the track". Who knew that rolling billboards would turn out to be so commercial?

I'll bet you Danica Patrick is a nice person in real life, whatever real life is. She can drive the car and that is pretty special. NASCAR may be silly and a damn-near scripted business but, men have died racing. Speeds of nearly 200mph can kill and this is not to be taken lightly. Danica is more than a pretty face and deserving as any man of being there. It's just odd to me that she- or any other woman in a man's game or business- is called a bitch for acting like a man. She's not trying to be a man, mind you. She's just going along with the program and, well, acting like a man. Hopefully it's just an act, like it is for most of the other drivers.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Oh Canada!

Within seconds of the USSC decision regarding healthcare, dumbasses all over America took to Twitter, announcing their intentions to flee to Canada.

Now, you, me, and the Canadians know that, as far as socialism goes, Canada doesn't play. They do! Our idiots evidently don't know this. They look at Canada and see white people and snow and assume it's chock full o' guns and republican values as if it were a suburb of Sarah Palin's Alaska. Nope.

It turns out that Canada is far more advanced than we are when it comes to socialized medicine, gay marriage, guns, and such things that set us in a tizzy, any given news cycle. They seem like very thoughtful people to me. Perhaps a more refined version of us if not a possible glimpse into our future- if we try...

Canada's major exports are hockey players, HGTV 'fix-it' shows and actors. William Shatner, Dan Ackroyd, Mike Meyers and thousands of others all are Canadians. Mike "Make It Right" Holmes is Canadian! Maybe 80% of the NHL is Canadian. Hockey is their sport, eh? Most of what I know about Canada is from HGTV shows. Except for their kinda gay-looking money, Canada looks like Minnesota to me. In fact, Vancover often doubles for American cities because The Film Board of Canada makes it very easy and economical to make movies and TV shows there. They speak English there, mostly emPHAsizing different syllABles than we do, like PROcess instead of PRAcess. If anyone in Canada does that Bob and Doug Mackenzie "aboot" (as in: "It's aboot time for a beer, eh?") I haven't heard it on "Holmes On Homes". It's a big country so, perhaps Bob and Doug were their Southerners or Bostonians? Their cities and suburbs look like ours though. I'm not being mean when I say they seem to be just like us. I think if you were suddenly dropped off in Canada, you'd think you were 'home' except fot that metric system they thing have. Oh, and Quebec, the reason instructions for our gadgets come with a French section is- surprise!- French. You probably thought this was for New Orleans Cajuns or liberal socialists, didn't you?

They are big on taxes there which I suspect our curiously rebellious Amercia flee'ers are not aware of. Sheesh, people- if you have to flee your country in the middle of the day because something isn't going your way, have a fucking plan! I've been recommending Somalia to republicans for years now. 'Small government'? How 'bout NO GOVERNMENT? Taxes? NO TAXES! Guns? ALL over the place and NO LAW WHATSOEVER! The only downside is black folks. Somalia is full of them and, let's face it, conservative republicans don't like black folks except for Herman Cain and Alan West. Other than that, it's a conservative Utopia.

Canada, is not a conservative Utopia. I think I read the other day that 45% of Canadians are atheists. Yikes. With that and the gay marriage thing, they must get hurricanes all the time! God must surely hate them. They have guns but seem to think they are for hunting rather than keeping lazy liberals from stealing your lawn mower or quieting noisy parties.

"Turn your music down, eh?"

"Sorry, neighbor! How bout a beer, eh?"

"It's aboot time, eh?"

It's a big, open border we share with our northern neighbors. But, I wouldn't be surprised if they were watching our election PROcess closely and planning on building a huge, electrified fence in the event that Obama wins re-election. Mike Holmes can oversee that and, make it right. They don't need 50 million assholes streaming over their border demanding to change their history and take over the government...and make it 'right'...

Looks like we're stuck with them, eh?