Tuesday, March 27, 2012

This Old Ferrerman

After watching the DIY Channel this weekend, I've discovered that something is lacking in my life.

I need a spankable bottom.

I'm not talking about my butt. I don't like to talk about my butt. Please, stop thinking about my butt.

The spankable bottom that I need is the one that every homeowner on the HGTV and DIY shows seems to have. Ever notice that? It's almost always young couples that are chosen to receive the yard or home makeovers and the women are pretty damn good-looking. The husbands are usually gooberheads and probably not eye candy for the ladies in the viewing audience. So no one cares about them.

I know these are real people with their own real homes getting improved but, I think some casting is done both on the job in question and the homeowners. I just don't think that Ahmed is really strolling the aisles of LOWES blindly looking for just anyone's backyard to make over. My friend alerted me to the fact that, for example, on those HGTV house hunter shows, the people already have a house in escrow and the other two *choices* are just to fill up a half hour show. So, being lazy, I can't report on how the improvements are paid for, if they are paid for or if these folks are really getting hot tubs and landscaping completely free. I hope so because that it cool. Why not? Part of the deal on most of the shows is that the couple contributes sweat equity, their own and that of their friends. They may never have hammered a nail but they get professional instruction and they sure do try!

And folks, theirs something about seeing an attractive woman doing stuff like this that really excites me. I think the producers know this. They know what their doing. It's not intended to be pornographic like chicks in bikinis shooting full auto weapons but, I think it's very sexual. Women getting dirty! You dirty girl!

Really, all the homeowners are super nice people too. The hosts are charming and funny and there's just enough technical stuff in an episode to interest a Ferrerman too. I know how to do a lot of stuff and always want to learn more. If they can't teach me something, they can be and are very entertaining at showing me how they do stuff.  All the shows seem very well done. I'm not sure it's in production anymore but Holmes On Homes is an excellent lesson in how people get ripped off by contractors, how those guys went wrong and how things should have been done in the first place.  It's not all fluff and outdoor cooking areas.

So, what's a Ferrer to do? As if a liberal minded woman weren't enough, now I want one that is that, spankable and can run a backhoe.

Well, two outa three would suffice. I'd be lost on a backhoe too. And, I'm a gooberhead!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Well, I won't back down!

I can stalk you all through a gated-community but I won't back down....

However, some are saying that Trayvon Martin should have backed down, should have run away. Those some are gun owners and those that lobby for them.

I promise you that I've had hundreds of conversations with gunners that lament 'the ol' days' when kids settled things with their fists instead of guns. These convos usually took place down south after a gang or school shooting had transpired. I don't live down there anymore so I can't say for sure but, I wonder if they are saying that now. Larry Pratt, a whore for a Second Amendment group- Gun Owners Of America- says that Trayvon should have backed down and run from the situation. He seems to be never minding that Trayvon was the victim, returning from a store where he purchased an Arizona Ice Tea and a bag of Skittles, and was stalked by a man with a gun, perhaps because he was a "fucking coon" and "they always get away..."

I don't know if Trayvon new his stalker had a gun. Haven't heard if Zimmerman said those magic words that concealed carry persons are supposed to say before they open fire: "I have a gun! You are putting me in fear for my life!" I don't know that those magic words are necessary in Florida anymore. It seems that the 17 year old black child, Trayvon, did tire of the large, adult following him and did confront him. Though Zimmerman had 100 pounds on him, the kid- doing nothing wrong- was likely pissed that this old guy was harassing him. My 17 year old self would have been. I would now too.

At this point though it's all 'he said/dead kids tell no tales'. And, of course, the Florida "Stand Your Ground" law that says that you, the gun owner are under no obligation to run if assaulted and that you may use deadly force, to protect your life. At this point, with a police investigation, Zimmerman has not been charged with any offense. He said he feared for his life, yada yada, and under that law, that is so far good enough.

And that's bullshit! There may be 100 cases where deadly force is necessary but there's nothing that shows me this was one of them. Nothing. Zimmerman called 911. He said he was following a suspicious person. The 911 operator told him NOT to follow, that police were on the way. Zimmerman muttered "fucking coon" under his breath and noted that "they always get away..."

With the police on their way, Zimmerman's duty as a Neighborhood Watch hero was done. All he needed to do was describe the alleged perp to the police and let them do their job. A little routine police work would have resulted  in the cops likely interviewing Trayvon and finding that he was a kid with no police record and no gang affiliation. Just a sweet tooth, like most kids have. Zimmerman, may already have been known to the locals as somewhat zealous citizen who often called police and confronted neighbors about garage doors left open...inviting thieves. Both parties would have gotten a talkin' to, I suppose. No charges, no blood. Birthdays in everyone's futures.

But, "the fucking coons...always get away..."

Zimmer, I am sure, thought the law gave him a free play at life-taking. Maybe it does? This fucking coon would not get away....

Zimmerman made it happen. The law let it happen. No law is perfect or idiot proof. Standing your ground though, is not following someone you feel is suspicious and forcing a deadly confrontation with them, one that could have been completely avoided by doing what Zimmerman did in the first place; calling 911. Take the gun out of the equation and you likely have a case where a grown man beat up a kid and the kid, over-matched, ran home to call the police. Battery charges against Zimmerman likely would have followed. You just don't go around beating up kids.

But, Trayvon is dead, having brought old fashioned fists to what he never dreamed would be a gun fight and George Zimmerman is alive and free.

The Second Amendment is alive but not so well. Lady Liberty and perhaps our founders are shedding tears. So, am I.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Hard Knocks College

I attend The College of Hard Knocks. Our football team is old and slow but  makes the morning bowl more often than not. It's been a lot of hard work and studying (including on-line courses) but, yep, there's been some drinking/partying. WOO HOO! You know how college life is! Hazing goes on nearly everyday and consists of life throwing this and that at me in an attempt to test my spirit and my mettle. I never pledged a fraternity though, the following may be why.

Vomit omelets. Some boys at Dartmouth who pledged the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity evidently had to eat vomit omelets as part of the deal. As fun as the alliteration makes it sound, I don't think it was tasty. They also had to swim in a pool of vomit but, just a wading pool's worth because an Olympic pool would have been just silly.

Sheesh. Recently I viewed a porn where four girls had to perform oral on a blind-folded guy to join a sorority. Yeah, right.... It couldn't be a pizza delivery guy or a copy repair guy named Joey Tribiani? Who the hell writes these things?! But, I did notice that the girls seemed rather ill at ease and, frankly, none too skilled. They weren't The Pros From Dover. A dozen or so girls in the room taunting, jeering and cheering all looked like college co-eds to me. But, would educated, regular girls take turns blowing a guy, in the presence of their peers, to gain the acceptance of those young ladies and whatever perks sisterhood brings beyond that? Well, I wouldn't think so.

But then, I wouldn't think people would swim in or eat vomit so, yeah, I think those girls were cocksuckers after all. And those Dartmouth guys are vomit suckers who either forgot to tape the activity or forgot to put it on the 'net. Of the two incidents, I'm more willing to believe the vomit eating. Anybody with a camera can make a porno and it's not hard to find young women needing a few hundred dollars with dreams of show biz. Who knows- maybe Merle Streep got her start that way? And the old Fear Factor show recently returned to TV and people will still eat live bugs and worms if it will get them that much closer to the $50k. (Programing note: The episode where people had to drink donkey semen washed down with donkey piss was apparently too controversial to air so, four people from that episode aren't that much closer after all. I should mention that they didn't have to fellate the donkeys. It's not Tijuana.)

So, vomit omelets? I believe that. I always heard frats did silly, sometimes dangerous things. Vomit probably won't kill you. Chugging a fifth of Jack Daniels has killed many young people. That's just fucking stupid. The College Of Hard Knocks frowns on that.

What's so special about a frat or a sorority? Do these people go on to become Captains of Industry, golf and raid corporations together and get to wink at each other and recall those halcyon college days when they dined on puke together? What price popularity?  Is that what separates the 1% from us? Why don't they just jump people in like the street gangs do? Not elite enough, I guess. I'd rather take the beating. How plebeian!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Clueless. Nuts. SPAM!

We can't choose our stalkers. I guess that, if we could, we'd choose not to have one in the first place. Or, we would choose Jennifer Anniston 'cause chicks want to be her and men want to be with her. And, Rachel is soooo nice!

I was thinking about this because since I found those Ohio posts from a *Mindy* that didn't relate to me but were from all the same Ohio locations as stalker Sam, I've been wondering if Sam were some crazy obsessed female rather than a crazy, obsessed dude. I've also been wondering why that is better? I don't really think that it is. We all try to look for rational explanations in life where there often aren't any. The internet and chat rooms/forums aren't exactly rational venues.

Anyway, my most avid reader on the blog is Sam. S/he checks several times a day for my blog activity. Talk about a dedicated non-reader! Thingy and Hegel, whom actually know me don't look at the blog that much. I'm not sure anyone would.

I blogged once that people shouldn't measure their penis using my blog as the *yardstick* because, I don't. I blog because I enjoy it and I enjoy it whether I have four followers or four hundred so, no one should measure my penis by it either. That someone doesn't like my blog and habitually posts about it on Topix is kinda silly. That that same someone has already looked at my blog 112 times just thirteen days into March tells me they like this blog a bit more than they are letting on.

Non-Topix people might think it's silly that someone follows every post I make on Topix and trashes each one as well as putting icons calling each post "clueless, nuts and spam". Well that is silly and that's the way Topix goes. If I really cared I'd use Firefox as my browser and use the adblock feature which, evidently, also blocks the silly icons. That's what they say. But, I don't mind handing people shovels in life if they're intent on digging a hole. If someone wants to look so petty and imbecilic as to follow every post I make and trash it in some weird effort to make me appear unpopular, well, I can't help that. Topix has it's moments but, shit like this illustrates how lame it truly is. The majority of people I post to can take me or leave me. They love, hate or are indifferent to my politics just as they might be to my pro-spanking of women's bottoms position in life. It doesn't matter.

Whatever gender Sam is, whatever sexual orientation, the fucking idiot can't quit me. Yep, that's weird. There's nothing good I can say about it. I doubt any celebrity feels good about being stalked, like they've 'arrived' or something. Having been not stalked before by an obsessed fanatic, I believe that not being stalked is better.

So, in closing, I'd just like to say: Hi, Sam! Fuck you for stopping by! Get a life, eh?

I'll probably *pay* for that later....

I always do!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Broken windows


What about them?


I haven't actually heard that but, yes, I suppose I would be. It's a rude word. Though I've been married and divorced one and a half times, I find the word very unappetizing if you know what I mean. Quite unpalatable. I don't like the word.

And Rush Limbaugh did not call Sandra Fluke that word even though he might have been thinking that at the time. He's misogynist and an asshole but, he's also versed in FCC regulations so, he knows where he has to draw his lines.

Rush isn't a comedian either. I had to google Louis CK but, I'm well versed in Bill Maher and think he's both funny and poignant. A lot of comedians work blue, many of them quite well. It's effective when used properly. Depending on who is in the room, I like the dirty talk. Jon Stewart is masterful at it. Even with the bleeps, it's very funny. Sometimes, because of the bleeps it's even funnier.

So, no, I don't approve of calling Palin the c-word. I also don't approve of that being used as turnabout being some sort of 'fair play' with this Limbaugh business. Saying that a woman you don't know IS a 'slut' and a 'prostitute' because she has a different viewpoint on a subject isn't the same. There's zero comedic value to it. It was neither funny nor necessary.

Everything in politics seems to be the playground defense of: "HE STARTED IT!!" This, I think, has been the GOP platform for forever, if not just since the Fall of '08 when they realized they weren't going to retain the White House. They've been demanding reparations ever since.

They are at once disdainful of anyone speaking about GW Bush and are extremely defensive about him. It's like Bush is a four letter word. Democrats and the liberal media were, indeed, pretty hard on Bush. We think it was because he was an idiot who invaded the wrong country and fought two unfunded wars....amongst other indiscretions of office. They think it's because we're mean. So, since we were tough on Bush then and now, this justifies anti-Obama sentiment. Payback, they say, is a bitch. Some say it's a motherfucker. At the very least, I guess, it's to be expected in politics.

When I was maybe five, probably younger than in my avatar, the older boy next door broke a window at our house. I don't remember if this was on accident or purposedent. But, my young Ferrer self was pissed and I marched over and broke a basement window at their house. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. He was older and bigger and I couldn't beat him up but, I sure could get even!

Dad didn't appreciate this any more than the neighbors did. He beat my ass pretty good when he got home. I learned about consequences that day. Cause and effect. Do unto others.... Wonderful cliches and axioms abound. All of them true. Most of them lost on republicans though. Will they ever learn? Depends on who starts, I guess....

Friday, March 9, 2012

Si se puede!

I was watching a show last night about 'house flippers'. With the housing crash, seems like a tough way to make a living and the flipper acknowledged that, at the outset. I like the nuts and bolts of these shows or, rather, the sawing and painting of these shows but, the financing is what gets me. It was the financing that got us. The axiom used to be that you can't go wrong with real estate. People just had to go and disprove that.

Republicans will tell you that 'people buying homes they couldn't afford' caused the crash. Well, there's a bit of truth in that. However, I don't think there's a single documented case of a young couple holding a gun to a lenders head, forcing him to sell them a McMansion at gunpoint. Nor is there a case of a lender doing such to a young couple. The truth is always somewhere between the extremes.

It wasn't until the boys came home from WWII that the suburbs and home ownership became a reality for average American workers. Think George Bailey in 'It's A Wonderful Life' enabling the citizens of Bedford Falls to escape the slums of Pottersville. A tradesman or a salesman could build/buy a home for his family. It was easy enough to achieve this new American dream. Back then, all you had to do was have a down-payment and qualify for a mortgage. Yeah, you actually had to qualify back then! Idiots then put cash money- like 20% down too! Just a few years ago the mantra was 'NO MONEY DOWN!' Or, a measly $500. The idea was to put down as little as possible because you were gonna flip the house in a year or two (even if it required no rehabbing) because home values were going nowhere but UP!

Well, OK, you know what happened. Millions of foreclosures happened because it turned out there was a limit to UP after all. Who knew? Not the gun-toting couples or the equally armed lenders, that's for sure.

A friend mentioned the other day that, in her estimation, we would now be seeing a return to the blended family living arrangements of the earlier 20th century. Grandparents, children and grandchildren sharing a home. Perhaps an uncle there too. Now, as then, this would be a necessity of finances, lack thereof. This wasn't a bad thing in her mind. It would bring families closer together, in a good way.

I agree. It might be a pleasant byproduct of the recession for a lot of people. For some, it could be hell too but, that is life. Above all though, it looks like it will be a necessity. Whereas a few years ago home ownership was too easy, it had to get harder. Add to that the fact that home prices haven't come down as far as they should and millions of jobs have been lost- well, welcome back Potter.

Several years ago, I returned from a work-related road trip to Alabama to find a bunch of new cars in my apartment complex. Roughly a dozen Mexicans had moved into a two-bedroom unit by me. That explained the mariachi music from the parking lot that had woken me up that first night back. Though armed and kinda dangerous, I've stayed out of jail my entire life (so far...) by not going off cocked and loaded as any idiot in the threads most certainly would. Instead, the next morning I had words with the first Mexican I saw. Firm, pleasant words. I told him this would NOT be tolerated. I told him this in Spanish because he at first denied speaking English.

I think it turned out I had been addressing the coyote who rented the apartment but didn't live there. When I complained to the landlords management, she told me that just one amigo lived there. I explained to her that, that was how they worked it. One guy rents from her and he collects rent from several other guys. That unit rented for $600 a month at the time. He was probably getting more than twice that from his amigos. A busboy or landscaper can easily afford $100 a month if he doesn't mind sleeping on a mattress and sharing a bathroom with a dozen other amigos. Hay carumba- who wouldn't?!

That is how they lived. It's typical and has been this way for years. While I was at work one day, the police came and got a bunch of them out, mattresses included. No doubt they went elsewhere in town or came back later. After that first night they actually got quiet and maintained a low profile. Except for the extra cars in an already limited lot, they weren't any further problem. It was hard to keep a head count but a more manageable six or so amigos seemed to be occupying the two bedrooms.

Now, I'm not saying we should all live like Mexicans. Nor is it my intent to demean Mexicans. I've worked amongst them for decades and realized long ago that, if the circumstances were reversed and Mexico were the land of opportunity, we would be going there to work. The answer- again- lies between the extremes.

As our glorious job creators continue to create jobs overseas and home prices stagnate at long ago inflated prices rather than falling to realistic levels, life gets that much more expensive and complicated for the lucky-to-be-working folks. Many are already combining out of necessity. Maybe a few have staved off foreclosure with a relative moving in or kept a child's family from being homeless. It isn't going to get better anytime soon and it most likely will never be as it was in the 50's/60's, again. We'll just have to make do as our great and grandparents did, back in the day and hope to one day get The American Dream back within reach.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The high road not taken

Linked here is a very honest, passionate essay by Jesse LaGreca whom you may recall totally owned some smug Foxnews producers last Fall at Occupy Wall Street. He was the young man with the Union soldier cap and at least I think, he looks like a young Michael Chiklis who played TV's "The Commish", way back whenever. But, that's neither here nor there. I can only add to this that I ran it by the usual suspects on Topix  and also by my friends on Facebook and the latter did me proud and the usual suspects spun like fucking tops. A couple of ladies who always claim the somehow superior high road of impartiality and disinterest in politics but use Fox phrases like "kicking the can down the road" tried to tell me that, though there was plenty of blame on both sides, Barack Obama  was to blame after all. To be fair, one gave up reading after a paragraph and a half. So much for the high road. I guess she broke down before she got there.

Anyway, here it is. Enjoy! Or, pull over and scream.


Wouldn't you like to be a prepper too?

There seems to be an increased interest in the Apocalypse these days. I watched a program last night about "preppers", the folks who are preparing for doom and the company that helps them prepare.

There was a lot of frank, tough talk about defending your family against non-preppers; hungry, lazy people who had failed to prepare. One man called them "zombies".

It looks very expensive to a prepper. Neverminding the cost of guns and ammo has gone up since the notion that Barack Obama was going to become president, he is still president and it looks like he's gonna stay president and he's gonna take our guns away so, buy now because munitions will be really expensive when the zombies are scratching at your blast door, unless you were to lazy to buy a blast door in the first place.

In the 50's, with the cold war heating up, a lot of seemingly normal people built bomb shelters in their backyards in anticipation of a nuclear war with our Russian enemies. I sorta recall an episode of "Happy Days" where Howard Cunningham considered this, spoke to a bomb-shelter salesman and ultimately decided that maybe surviving a nuclear holocaust wasn't such a great thing after all. Hilarity certainly ensued. Being a light-hearted show, I don't think they got too far into the sadness of sitting safe inside your bunker while the Johnsons next door scratched at your blast door, melting from radiation. "We were supposed to have dinner with them this Saturday", Marian might have said, "now they are melting!" Perhaps Potsie might have been at the door, pleading to be allowed in. "Sit on it, Potsie!" Richie might say.

Ultimately, that's what prepping is all about. You prep and you are the "us" You fail to prep and you are the "them". Which side of the blast door do you want to be on?

I think it's all about killing. The future apocalyspe will be a living video game of killing. Some people do not want to miss that. With no law but that of the jungle, you can kill anyone you feel is a threat to you and your loved one's. It'll be a free play for preppers and, admittedly necessary. When you have the food and water, others will try to take it from you. I'm not sure how those others will have survived but then, that's why I'm not a bomb-shelter salesman. I think that the dirty little secret of preppers is that they'll survive to fight other preppers when that year's supply of food runs out. Whatever, you get to kill!

There's a bunch of scenarios of what might being about the circumstances that would necessitate bunkers and survival. Nuclear war is still a popular notion. Robots could take over. A disease could kill millions. A black guy could be president. An asteroid could smash into the earth. The Cubs could win the World Series. Lot's of things could happen, none of them good.

Though I like post-apocalyptic shows like "The Walking Dead", I don't want to jump at the opportunity to live in such a world. It seems that the people who are anticipating surviving doomsday are the same assholes running around in the woods now in full camo pretending to be protecting the Constitution from democrats. I already have to share this world with them, I don't want to share the cowardly new one with them. Sheesh- they're gonna really be assholes when they've got the M-4's and the MRE's!

But, that's not likely to happen anyway and if it does, I'm on the wrong side of the blast doors anyway and will most certainly be nuclear dust so, why should I care? Only the dead have seen the end of war, by the way. In a sense, they will be the chosen ones, having enjoyed life while living.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Funny you should ask...

Why aren't there any funny republicans?  I mean, intentionally funny republicans. Don't mention Dennis Miller as he is not funny. He phoned in the "Weekend Update" segment of Saturday Night Live, annoyed the shit out of people on Monday Night Football and, whatever day of the week he's ruining on Fox now is, I'll bet, not funny there either. I seriously cannot think of one other conservative comedian.

This side of the aisle has Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert and Bill Maher to name just three high-profile, gifted, liberal comedians. I'm linking a clip of Bill Maher here from almost one year ago that prompted this question. A conservative posted it to defend Rush Limbaugh and demanded to know why liberals were not condemning Maher for his *racist rant against Obama*.

Huh what??!! Calling the president a "black gangsta ninja" is a racist rant? In the clip, Maher is lauding the President for killing Osama Bin Laden. Watch and see and I think you'll agree that it's five funny minutes of pro-Obama, anti-republican frivolity and mirth making. Maher recently donated $1 million of his own cash to re-elect Obama so, I think it's quite clear where his political heart is. Someone else noted that he also made fun of Anthony Weiner last year. Imagine a comedian not making dick jokes. I don't think I would want to live in a world without dick jokes!

I seriously wonder what world republicans are living in these days. Are they completely humorless? Does that explain the lack of conservative comedians? They defend Limbaugh's calling Sandra Fluke a slut and a prostitute and also try to do damage control by citing misogynist things various political pundits have said about some conservative women politicians and whatever Ann Coulter is, as if the high road were closed for repairs and turnabout were constitutionally fair play. Is their life beyond the playground of sixth grade?

I love to laugh. Politics, like life,  can be cruel but, laughter gets us through that. We libs can laugh at ourselves and we do but, as long as there are republicans acting the straight man part (insert a Larry Craig joke here if you must) we will make fun. "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke and joke 'em if they can't take a fuck" I always say.

Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Maher

What About Bob?

When I first met Bob, he happened to mention he had been in "the war". I didn't know why that came up and I was going from point 'A' to be point 'B' and didn't have time to hear his story but, I recall wondering if maybe he had been in Korea with my dad. He seemed have been a bit young for WWII, which dad had also served in.

It turned out that Bob was referring to Viet Nam. Dad missed that one.

I think Bob missed it too. I came to find out Bob had truth issues. Though he kinda fit the time table for 'Nam, his tale of getting drafted at 25, with three dependents, was a bit shaky. Deferment's of the time would have precluded a man that age with three kids, from the draft. He further claimed that his ex-wife was sleeping with the judge who finagled his draft status. Had he said he enlisted, I might have been fine with that. Bob was a liar, just not a very thorough one.

I think Bob was in his mid-fifties when I first worked with him. He wasn't a bad guy to hang out with but his work habits were kinda frustrating. He didn't really have much of a background in painting. Despite having claimed to have painted airplanes for General Dynamics (or did he serve under General Dynamics in 'Nam?) he was as lost with a spray gun as he was with a brush. Lazy too. He wasn't in good health and I really didn't expect him to work himself to death because it often looked like he could easily do that. A lot of the guys were hard on him, pretty much from his first day. I guess I grade on a curve in life, adjusting for this and that and I didn't see any reason to be cruel to the old guy. Kids can be cruel at any age though. Bob had come in at a good rate of pay- the same as me- and he wasn't earning his way like I or the others were. Yeah, he made too much but, that was beyond my pay grade....to do anything about.

Soon enough, Bob grew on the crew and became sort of a pet. He took teasing very well. He didn't mind Charlie constantly calling him an old motherfucker or anybody laughing at his countrified butchering of English. One day he described a helicopter "hoovering" above, it's rotors "river beating" with "vibAration". He seemed to relish his role as comic relief even though he was the butt of many, many jokes. One day at break, an electrician was loudly railing about gays, in the group next to us. Charlie D stepped up and said, "Phil, knock it off!" Phil looked puzzled. Charlie D swept his hand down to where Bob was gnawing on a piece of chicken and declared, "Bob's gay!"

Both crews were literally rolling on the floor, laughing our asses off! I guess you had to be there...

Bob wasn't gay. Well, not that anybody knew.... He took such teasing well. Being old and with all of three teeth in his mouth, better we pick on him about gayness than Big Brian who was a closet case but could beat all of us up. Bob fancied himself a ladies man of many conquests. He also fancied me as his rival for the ladie's affections even though I was married at the time and not at all in the habit of cheating on my wife. He boasted that at the bar he hung out at that he was messing around with the barmaid and that she intended to reward him with a threesome that would include her lovely co-worker. And, it would be filmed.

Harvey Haircut (not his real name) and I decided to drop in the bar after work one day to see how fat the girls were. There was a chubby gal working the bar and we asked her if she knew 'Bob'. She asked what he looked like. "Mid-fifties, crew-cut, three teeth..." Harvey said. "That's every guy in here," she replied. We decided to hang out when she told us the German gal was coming on shift soon.

Bob had VERY good taste in women. Elke was a babe! She was quite stunned when we asked if Bob was dating Carrie.

"No....no....NO!" she kept repeating as if horrible images were racing through her mind.

Elke was a sweetheart. I don't recall how much of Bob's fantasy we related to her but, it might have been too much. When Carrie came on duty, it was clear she was disgusted with what Elke had told her and wanted nothing more in the way of information from Harvey and I. Clearly, she was not dating Bob, who was old enough to be her father. We apologized to Elke. We hadn't meant to upset anyone and she understood that. But, she wondered, if we worked with Bob, were we $40 an hour helicopter mechanics too?


We were in our whites. We were painters, not high-dollar helicopter mechanics. Bob would come in dressed in his whites as well and I guess his story was that painting was a part-time job for him. Well, he approached it part-time....

So, no menage a threesome and no video of that was going to happen. You couldn't even call it a jerk-off fantasy of Bob's because he straightfacedly claimed to have NEVER masturbated in his life. And despite being a very dedicated beer drinker, neither had he EVER suffered a hangover nor even a headache. No dick and no brains, I told him.  We hadn't meant to but, we had blown the doors off of Bob's little bar of fantasies. He quit hanging out there after that. Harvey Haircut, who was about the same age as Bob, didn't feel sorry for him. I did. We all reach an age where you can't do all the things you used to do. How sad that someone's memories were lies and current one's at that?

Ol' Bob wasn't a bad guy. Who knew what had been real about his life? I haven't seen him in ten years. Last I knew he went back to Texas where he claimed to be from (Mississippi actually, if you're scoring at home) and intended to finish out his days fishing, which was his favorite thing to do. A friend to the end, I promised to pay a visit to his grave one day, have a beer with him and then piss on his grave. He was okay with that, smiling his near toothless grin. That's Bob! I miss the ol' motherfucker. 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Stupid taxes!

No government, and no business, wants to take in less money. Do you want to take in less money each day/year? Republican run or democrat, the idea is to make more money. DUH!

Newt Gingrich can promise $2.50 a gallon gas but, that's not gonna happen unless his fat ass becomes president, pulls out some guns and nationalizes the oil companies. If he tries that, he's JFK but with a far less attractive wife. JFK on November 22nd, 1963, that is.

Despite "Drill, Baby, DRILL!" and the notion that Obama hates oil, the actual oil companies are doing better than ever. Sure, they want to drill on the White House lawn and Obama won't let them but the fact is they are drilling all over the place and even discovering new, vast fields of their product. Please remember that it is their product, not ours. No drilling in North Dakota or anywhere is going to bring us cheap gasoline. Business simply doesn't work that way. Would you operate your business that way?

One company I used to work for did a lot of warehouse repaints. This was a big part of our work. The way it worked was, particular properties had an amount of money set aside for maintenence. It was a use it or lose it proposition. If that money was not spent this year, it would not be available next year, or, at least not the same amount. There wasn't any savings in this as that money not spent would go elsewhere.

It's similar with government. If the republicans were able to eliminate welfare, for example, you would not see your tax burden go down one penny. All the people who feel that they personally are being dunned and their pockets are literally being turned inside out every fucking time Laquishas' 12 kids need new Nikes, would not save a single penny by the elimination of welfare. NOT gonna happen.

That money would go elsewhere, probably to *defense* or some congressman's latest pet project. Under no circumstances will it go back in your pocket.

How hard is this to understand? It does matter what they spend it on and how they spend it. We all remember $400 hammers and the like from the 80's and dumbass spending like that- which can be avoided- need never happen. But, the money that buys $400 hammers is still gonna be in the budget. same with welfare.

If you owned an oil company, would you rather sell your product at $5 a gallon or $2? Which might be more lucrative? It's a no-brainer but, so are the folks who think that oil companies are being abused by the current administration and believe that those companies want to lower the price for their product and make less money. We also subsidize these assholes and they pay little or no taxes on their profits. And you are supposed to be outraged that a slut of a prostitute of a Georgetown law student is going to get birth control from her schools insurance that your motherfucking tax dollars DO NOT fucking pay for anyway??!!

Sheesh, these stupid fuckers make me mad. Maybe I expect too much of stupid assholes? Like there should be smart stupid people, Ferrerman?

In a sense, yes. If you hate women and because you hate women you don't want them to have contraception, just say you hate women and don't want them to have contraception. Don't sugarcoat it with lies about your hard-earned tax dollars. Admit you hate niggers too and that that is why you want welfare to end even though far more white people are on the dole than blacks. Just admit it, Adolph. It won't justify a thing and we won't respect you but, we would sorta understand your stupidity then. Some people just don't mind being stupid, I guess.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

You can call him Francis

Francis Shirley was one of the toughest men I ever knew. That's not his real name, of course, but his real name was every bit as doubly girlish. When I knew him at The Petroleum Club Of New Orleans in the early 80's, I'd have to guess he was in his early fifties.

One evening, three LSU students who didn't even know he had a funny name decided they were drunk enough to want to give the old guy shit in a parking garage. I wasn't there so, I don't know if they wanted to fight Francis or, as I suspect, one thing led to another and a fight broke out when he failed to take their cheap shit as was expected of him.

You might know how it goes. There's three of us and one of you and we want to fuck with you and so, be a good sport old man and let us have our fun. You know- if you know what's good for you.

It's been years but, I think that as they ran their mouths, Francis answered back. The boys probably knew that was a possible consequence. Francis was a pretty big ol' boy but not exactly in good shape.

That didn't matter though. Having worked his way up from the oil fields of the Southwest and doing it with a doubly girlish name, Francis was an accomplished fighter. He put a serious whupping on the three college boys.

The police were called. Amazingly, the college boys- bloody and bruised- wanted to have Francis arrested! The cops did the math and figured three drunk college boys had tried to go into one middle-aged man and wound up in a negative circumstance. These kids might have been English majors rather than math majors. The cops weren't having any of that and since Francis didn't care to press charges, everyone was turned loose into the night, lessons learned.

Well, maybe... It might be that all the boys learned that night was don't fuck with THAT guy! Some people never learn but, the next time they thought they could get over on somebody, I bet they remembered Francis.

There has always been bullies and there always will be. Sometimes you have to bloody their nose and let them know they messed with the wrong guy.

But, other times you just have to be the right woman for the wrong guy to mess with and figuratively bloody a bullies' nose simply by being better than him.

Good ass-whuppin' Ms. Fluke! You made it look easy.

And Rush- there's a whole lot more out there where she came from and any one of them can take you.

Something tells me he didn't learn a thing.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Just a Fluke

Well, Rush Limbaugh is in trouble again!

Eh, not really. He's just being a pompous dick again. If he were to get in trouble for what he said about college student Sandra Fluke, he'd have to be in a position of authority and responsibility where he could be officially rebuked for his idiocy.

But, he's not. Whoever he answers to in his (cough) work, would only be upset if he wasn't saying stupid, ignorant things. If he were intelligent and insightful instead of stupid and... inciteful...he would be on NPR and not getting paid very well. His job is to say what conservative politicians  can't say because they'd get in trouble with there bosses, some of which are you and me. It's as simple as that and he is as simple as that.

There are hundreds of idiots on Topix threads that could do his job. Most, like him, probably have a face made for radio, as well. All one has to do is ramble on with ignorant and inflammatory musings about how everything is Obama's and the  democratic party's fault. It's entirely that easy to do. Blame liberals for everything. The asshole makes like $400 million dollars to do this. People on Topix- every bit as assholy as him- do the same thing for free! This asshole gets paid to call a Georgetown law student a "slut" and a "prostitute" for disagreeing with conservatives on contraception and Affordable Healthcare. He thinks that, since taxpayers are allegedly paying for her contraceptives, she should have to film her love-making and post it on-line for all the taxpayers to see what they are paying for.

Oh my.

Now, I don't know that he got a memo from Boehner or McConnell telling him that this was their position on the matter but, I don't know that he didn't. Ya know?

Let's assume the whole premise oozed out of his own diseased mind. Why do people listen to him? Why him and not some random Topix idiot who will mimic Rush's rhetoric? Well, idiots need validation I guess and his fat-fuck ass was in the right place at the right time and that's why he gets to be him even though fuckwads like him are a dime a dozen.

Isn't that special? I couldn't be him if I wanted to, yet there are people being him for free and paying his salary to boot! Someone should speak out about that...

But, that would only encourage him.