Sunday, October 31, 2010

That Hopey Changey Thingy

Wasn't it about 6 or eight weeks into Obama's term as president that Rick Santorum gave that rant that begat the Tea Party movement? If you thought that a bit premature, you should have been on the threads in November of '08 when republicans and teabaggers-to-be were noting that Obama had yet to do ANYTHING as president of the United States. Having derisively anointed him as "the messiah", they weren't about to cut him any slack concerning Bush actually finishing out his term into January of '09. If you thought democrats were excited about his presidency, repugs were ecstatic!

They are a sad but amusing bunch of people. Sad in that they are filled with so much hate but amusing in the same way. It's beyond ridiculous when you can't get one of them to admit there is anything they like about the man nor any action of his they agreed with. It's a bit disingenous at best, treasonous at worst.

If you're listening to Glenn Beck or reading the other idiotic fuckheads in the threads who parrot him, or if you're listening to Olberman and the MSNBC crew, you'd think there was civil war in this country. The end of days. Now or never. Armeggedon. Fighting in the streets. Blood, bullets and bombs.

No more than usual though and none fired in the name of anything more than drug turf wars in the big cities, just like when Bush or Clinton were in office. Now, to hear the media call it, you'd think there were tanks in the streets, brother against brother- civil war. Liberals versus conservatives. Winner take ALL!

Hype. Was it Hollywood Henderson who, when asked about the thrill of playing in the Super Bowl said something along the lines of: *If it's the ultimate game, why are they playing another one next year?*


I admit I've been taken in by this media-driven frenzy of hate and insanity. It's kinda fun in that I get to fuck with stupid people all over the country (on the threads) and use my considerable wit and charm in doing so, neverminding that it's futile and actually un-necessessary. Kinda stupid too. I *get* that. I just can't help myself.

See, there is no war in our streets. No America to be lost or regained. No regime change no matter what happens on November 2nd. No Hope And Change either as there is not much hope for change. Both political parties own us and, yes, it IS hard to tell one from the other. I think they are thick as thieves and laughing at us as they giggle all the way to the banks that they BOTH had a hand in bailing out.

I do respect and admire President Obama. I believe he is a good man and genuine in his efforts and in his love for this country. But, let's face it: this country is too big and too important to hand over to one man every four to eight years. Sure, the parties take turns but, the presidency is a dog and pony show. He can only do what *they* let him do. It was the same for Bush and likely every one of them back to Washington. I don't know if it's the iluminati or the Bilderbergs or whatever other conspiracy beacons there are out there but, one man does not run this country. One party does not alternately run it either. I'm not saying *they* mean us well but they do know what they're doing. If they didn't, Taft or Polk or anyone of them might have lost the country in a poker game a hundred years ago.

Hope and Change? I wish we had a viable third party. The Tea Party is a fucking joke, nothing more than a suburb of Republicanville, across the tracks, don't go there after dark. Libertarians? Maybe. I'd like to see more to decide. Independents? Are there REALLY any? I mean, not repubs or dems who are dissatisfied with their parties or the tragically hip that just can't be expected to pick a party but, actual INDEPENDENT people. They would seem the best bet but, how do you call yourself "independent" and also be a political party? You kinda lose your independence once you are dependent upon others.

I don't think there will ever be a viable third party. I don't think *they* will let this happen. I think they like going against each other every two to four years. They know what to expect. We do too.

Us be damned, it is what it is.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Just A Thought.....

America has weapons of mass destruction. We have used them before. Some people think our leader is a communist who, having illegally seized power through the nefarious work of a subversive group known as ACORN, has subverted the constitution. There are rumors of concentration camps for enemies of the state....

It would seem we would be ripe for *liberation* by some well meaning country.

Lucky for us (or not), we're the only country that liberates others whether asked to or not.

Unlucky for us, we have elements within striving for civil war....

Just like some of the countries we've *liberated* in the past....

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Notes from a FEMA camp

Many dedicated, non-readers of this space know that I make something resembling a living as a painter. As a student of both life and the painting game, I like to face up to the fact that I don't know everything, even when I'm pretty sure that I do. So, if I have any questions about a project or an event, I google. I don't know why though....

I painted a cast iron bath tub this past week. It wasn't my first but it was the first one that wasn't going to be filled with dirt and annuals and put in neighbor Bill's back yard. So, yeah, I knew to sand the bejeezus out of it and hit it with two coats of Rustoleum. This bathtub was going into my brother's to-be-remodeled bathroom and I was slightly curious as to any techniques I might not know about.

Turns out, according to the 'net, there were a few I hadn't considered. A couple of sites recommended latex paint because it's "flexible".

Huh what?? Latex paint on cast iron? Well, if you want to promote rust and inhibit adhesion, I guess that would be the way to go....

The next link recommended automotive engine paint because, well, you'll be putting HOT WATER in that tub and.....

If you're putting water hot enough to worry about melting the paint in your tub, it'll be the last bath you take before going to the burn unit for skin grafts.

I quit reading after that and went with what I already knew. Beau coup sanding and at least two coats of Rustoleum.

To me, it's like fucking. You already know how to do it. What can the internet tell you about fucking if you've already done it rather successfully? It usually starts with a man and a woman. That's doable. But then it's FIVE guys and a woman! Another click and it might be just two GUYS! What the? Jeez, they can even complicate sex! Where did these midgets come from???

So, yeah, there is a ton of misinformation on the internet. People complain about Wiki but I think it's always been a good starting point for reference work. Most of life is common sense and thinking for yourself. You could use engine paint on a tub. But, you don't NEED to. You could use latex paint.... after priming with a rust-inhibiting, alkyd based product.... so, just fucking use Rustoleum and get it over with. It's not that hard.

Now, how does FEMA DEATH CAMPS figure into this? This week I saw a clip of a Charlie Rose interview with Dana Millbanks who has written a book about Glenn Beck and the teabagging of America. I've read a thousand references to FEMA camps in various threads and I assumed it was bullshit the reich was selling as a PROBABILITY with the Obama administrations evil agenda. Fear is their business and they have a dedicated sales staff. But it turned out that the talk of FEMA concentration/death camps was, at the time, a REALITY that Glenn Beck just couldn't confirm or deny. That meant in Beck-speak that liberal/communist/socialist Obamaites mightcould have been imprisoning republicans and, of course, torturing, executing and- worse- RE-EDUCATING them! Or, not. He debunked that myth ever-so-quietly a month later, according to Millbanks.

Thing is, stupid people still cling to that notion of existing FEMA death camps. Maybe they missed the debunking episode. Maybe he did it during commercial.

Ah- what are ya gonna do? If you can't think for yourself, there's always Glenn Beck and rusty bathtubs.

Be careful what you link for, you might get it.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Remember November

I remember November, the one in '08. We the people elected a new president. The moment his victory was assured, the reich wing of America threatened to assassinate him, impeach him (for his birth certificate (?))and anything else they might think of, and in general stymie him at everything he tried to accomplish. They even proclaimed in November, December and the following January, that he "hadn't DONE anything yet", neglecting to realize that George Bush was STILL president and Obama was not until sworn in on the 20th of January '09.So, yeah, they took his victory to heart and in their soft-headed minds, promised four years of "NO!" to thwart his presidency because that is what our glorious founding fathers would have wanted and it was in the best interests of the country to take the country back from this usurper, another bonus desire of our glorious founders who fall just short of speaking to reichwing politicians as if they were God himself whispering in the ear of Pat Robertson or some street corner preacher. I'm sure there is still plenty of time for THAT to happen.

For two years now we have been in the remarkable position of having to defend a man who won a decisive mandate of the people, by the people and for the people. There were no shenannigans involved in his election. No supreme court appointments to the office, no hanging chads or brothers who were governors. He didn't invade any countries right or wrong. He just tried to un-fuck the eight year mess that he had inherited. And, oh yeah, he tried and succeeded in getting healthcare passed, which somehow put him in a league with Stalin, Hitler and Dr. Kevorkian. And never-minding all that, he was just WRONG about EVERYTHING he said and did. EVERYTHING!

It's made for an interesting two years. That's all going to change this November when the tea party candidates win mandates from the people and get democrats and a few republicans out of office. The Paladino's, O'Donnel's, Angle's et al will (likely) prevail and the country will be saved- from what, no one really knows. But, it will all be better over night.

And, motherfuckers, IT BETTER BE! You all will get the same consideration you all afforded our president. That would be none, if you're scoring at home. At midnight on election day, you better deliver on all your campaign promises or you are toast. I won't promise assassinations as that is not the democrat/liberal policy. Frankly, since reichwingers drove up the price of ammo with their fear-mongering, none of the aforementioned are worth the price of a bullet. There is STILL a recession going on (though that will end overnight in November....) so, we still need to be frugal. The prospective new meat in various government positions, all disciples of our glorious founding fathers, better deliver immediately or they are going to hear about it!

Us Coffee Party members, taking the cue from our retarded, tea party cousins, will be on these assholes and their supporters like white on rice. You all better dot your eyes and cross your tees. I catch anybody using a teleprompter to give a speech and they will be deemed "stupid" and "too dumb to speak without a prompter". It will be "OK" to read notes scribbled on one's hand though 'cause that's just fucking hilarious. Just no teleprompters. Also, every campaign promise must be kept! And there will be NO Obama bashing because, haven't you gotten over that yet? I mean, please, he's a lame duck, one term president who cannot possibly win in '12 because the people DO NOT WANT HIM! They didn't want him in the first place. It was ACORN and the Lame-Stream Media that got him elected even though FOXNEWS is #1 in cable news. They want leaders with Christian values- not Muslim usurpers. They want leaders who know that corporations ARE America and know what is best for all of us. They know that we don't need our elitist public schools when private schools and home-schooling are clearly what our glorious founders intended. They also know that if you are healthy enough and rich enough, you should have the right to pay ridiculous amounts in healthcare premiums- not be hunted down by a murderous army of IRS agents for non-compliance with Obamacare which is clearly a Nazi/ Communist/ French concept.

It's gonna be fun! WE get to be the crazy one's and with our own guy as president! WE get to jump all over everything the newbies say and do (which- let's face it- was gonna happen anyway 'cause these people are fuckin' idiots!) and we get to do it as the oppressed minority because these assholes have deemed themselves in power already simply based on the prognosis that they likely will win in November. Stupid fools- be careful what you wish for....

Man, if these 'tards thought Ferrerman was hard on them before....

I'll remember in November!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Willie, Mickey and The Duke

There is talk of expanding the play-off format in Major League Baseball. Yikes.

As it stands now, the World Series will end early November. Is the idea to make some 12 year old's Christmas wish come true- that his team might win the series Christmas day? That's sweet but some other kid is gonna have to settle for the lump of coal that is his team losing.

They would like to add more wild-card teams and short series to justify these additions. Maybe one game play-offs or even best two-of-three match-ups. That's not entirely horrible. Yes, some teams would have a shot at the championship that didn't really deserve it but, more often than not, they would be quickly eliminated because they are not that good. And if a tenth seed did go all the way- that would be great. The Twins just went out in three games to the Yankees. I like the Twins, they are a good team (and I can say that because I'm a Cub fan and a Jim Thome fan) but, paper and regular season success means nothing if you can't beat the Yankees in the first round. That's baseball.

If they are going to make an addition like this, how about beginning with a subtraction? Take away eight regular season games and go back to the 154 game season that ended in the 50's. Let the play-offs begin in late September when most of the country is still enjoying decent weather. Yes, those last eight games can be very exciting for teams in a pennant race. They can be equally exciting as the last eight of 154. Any team that's out of it by August isn't going to fill those stands at the end of the year no matter what. I don't see it as a loss of revenue. The teams in it or that have a serious chance, will still draw as game 154 approaches. With 10 (or more?) teams contending, they'll be a couple more sell outs than before as other cities live the dream.

One fifty four was baseball up until the late 50's, I think. When Maris broke Ruth's single season home run in '61, they deemed his *record* would have an asterisk as Ruth had hit 60 in 154 games, Maris 61 in 162. Really, any record broken since then should have an asterisk. Level that playing field too while we're at it.

Jeez- why not? Minnesota had beautiful weather last week as they lost to the Yankees in their brand new, outdoor stadium. What if they had won? They might be shoveling snow in Minnesota in two- three weeks. That's not baseball.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Carly Simon - Anticipation 1995

Well, this should be above. Here it is!

My point being that, for some- like the kids today- THESE are the good ol' days just like our childhoods were our good ol' days. Enjoy them as they'll be memories before you know it.

FERRERMAN: Private Dick

She was a pretty lady. A bit disheveled as if she were having a bad day but, good looking. I could tell she worked out, kept herself in shape. Maybe those gym fees had gotten the best of her?

"I'd like to report a missing country!" she cried. "My America is missing! I need you to find her!"

Jeez, I thought as I fired up a Winston, Why are the good-looking ones always crazy? When she walked in, I thought she might be Mrs Ferrerman the second and a half. Now I was afraid she would be because, well, I just don't marry well. I decided to humor her. Chicks dig that. I asked her describe her America.

She described an America of boys with crew-cuts spinning about town on Schwinn bicycles with bannana seats, baseball cards in the spokes. Little girls, she said, wore dresses and had pig-tails. All mom's stayed home (as required by law) and all dad's wore suits to work. Even the garbage men. There was no crime, no drugs, no Muslims and sex for the fun of it had yet to be invented.

My goodness but she had just described the America that I had known when my avatar pic was taken! I knew that America. I liked that America. Geez, I kinda wanted that America back too.... Well, that's what "MeToo" TV is for. Fucking "Highway Patrol" with Broderick Crawford was on tonight! I loved that show!

But, that America was gone. That America was not coming back except in re-runs. Others, it seemed, also had their own favorite eras in America they wanted to see return. The Tea Party seemed to favor 1776 because surely, our founding fathers never desired America to grow AT ALL. Thomas Jefferson himself was fond of saying: "America- don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me!" I think that was in "The Federalist Papers".

Others though pretty much wanted any time before November of '08 when, over night, America was transformed into a Socialist/Communist/Muslim nation of elites (Coming soon: Sharia Law!) It didn't matter much what golden era. As a part-time Southerner, I know folks south of the Mason/Dixon long for the halcyon days of the Civil War.(White folks only, please). The mainstream Republican party wants a time free of pesky unions, regulations and that insipid "minimun wage". The gun nuts (who belive that the 2nd amendment- THE ONLY AMENDMENT WORTH KILLING FOR!) seem to be torn between the revolution and the Civil war but would likely settle for both as long as full-auto assault weapons are part of the deal. They just want to kill. Freaks.

Mainstream Republicans also just want "less government" and they aim to get this by trying to eliminate the government we have now cause it's filled with pesky democrats. THAT is what they mean by "less government". Do not kid yourself. Whatever happens this November or during the one scheduled for '12, government will NEVER, EVER, get small. That is NOT gonna happen.

"So" she said, dabbing a tear from her eye, "can you help me get my America back? Please!"

No. I could not. No one could. No man, woman or political party could find and return her America. That America was in her memories and mine. Maybe yours as well. That America is right where it should be.

Do you want to find America? I'll show you it in a song.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Combat Fatigue

There's no one left to fight.

Lest anyone get their boxers hunched up, thinking I'm speaking about battling ninnies for control of AmyAbbyville; been there won that. That dictator's weapons of mass distraction have been destroyed. Make no mistake about that. AmyAbbyville is not to be occupied by this Liberator.

Nope, I'm talking politics. I'm wore out, tired of phoning it in. Others are too. Hegel doesn't even bother any more. I have never seen anyone who fights as well as she does and does it so cleanly (though BH is every bit as well-prepared and professional). dem is phoning it in and just amusing himself. He's whupped better than this on his WAY to a good fight. Curly hung it up awhile back. Just got sick of it, I guess. I can't blame her. Sel and Leo are still in it, honing their skills I guess. Same with RS who is politically brilliant but chooses to brawl. Given the opposition, I'm all for that.

That might be the thing. There's no one to finesse on any threads. It's all bare-knuckles. A little bit of UFC is great but, where's the chess game?

A fews months back I tried a change of venue. I was well ensconced on Offbeat which is a lot of fun but also happens to be a hot bed of reich wingers. A typical thread on Offbeat might be titled: "What's yur Shoe size". The misspelling of "your" would be typical too. Anyway, likely about ten posts in to that, some wag might post: "Not as big as the communist boot Obama has up our ass now!" That passes for political discourse in those parts. Then a flood of positive icons would show agreement with that witticism. I'd let something like that go, probably add that I always wondered if there were something to that old saw about shoe size and penis size, noting that I had dropped half a size in my shoe several years ago but checked on my dick and, well, everything was still right as rain. I'd get funny icons for that. Always did back then. Ah, but then the thread would return to Obama's Hitleresque boot up America's ass and no one would care about my penis anymore. Well, that was just too much like real life.

So, I would engage. But, I never got anything good going. Nobody really had their head in it, it seemed. It was like slapping bums who got aggressive. Street people know that most people don't want trouble and most are smart enough to realize that a bum does NOT care about getting his ass kicked or going to jail. Put those bums on Topix where there are no cops and, no matter what anybody says, they can't kill you, and they are in their element. A perfect world of anonymous hate and read by more people than a port-a-potty.

You know, I've never written a *post* in a Jonny-on-the-job or a bathroom stall. Nope. That's the internet for construction workers. Before I knew what "trolling" was, I saw an electrician get trolled relentlessly- by his own guys. Turns out he had it coming as he was a rat. Evidently, one Saturday his crew decided to head for the house and call it eight. He silently agreed to tell the boss.Rat bastard. One of his counterpart foremen did pin him to the wall and was fixin' to beat his ass but, cooler heads prevailed. The aggressor was forced to apologize and- worse- shake his hand. With a beatdown out of the equation, the crew was left to write about him in the Jonnies. Some of it was hilarious. Much of it was brutally mean. Well, most of it was brutally mean.

Reading that and a tour of duty in the sixth grade, readied me for Topix. The humor also appealed to me. I like it when someone *posts* on a stall: "I fucked your mother last night!" Because then someone will follow that with: "Go home, dad. You're drunk!"

It's the vitriol of the politics that has been getting to me. It saddens me that so many (though VERY far from a majority) are so obscenely vehement in their hatred for our president and towards well-meaning liberals. Such a vocal and foolish minority of assholes. They bring NOTHING to the table but bad manners, ignorance and vulgarity. A link from Fox or some other reichwing website passes for political acumen. They suck. That's it. They suck.

Now, I've know this pretty much from Jump Street. It's just that lately I've grown weary of it. It's like my work with the ninnies. I KNOW that it empowers them in an abstract way when I make a witty post here and there. It makes them feel wanted and needed and a bit giddy as if Ferrerman really cared about them. I don't. I just like fucking with stupid people. If there is a God, he surely wants me to fuck with stupid people because he keeps bringing them to me.....

I'm not giving up. Not retiring. Maybe I'm just resting. The November play-offs are approaching. If those assholes *win* a few seats, they'll really need some fucking with. I want my posting arm to be strong. I'll be back like Favre....only better and, uh, still having sent no penis pics to anyone....EVER!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My Old School

Recently, I did go back to my old school. If Liz and David, Jon, Rona and the others weren't there with me and if I didn't know full well it WAS my old school, I would not have recognized it.

We had our 39th gradeschool reunion (Class of '71, if you're keeping score at home) the night before. David- "Buns" as we lovingly called him, not only put that together but he arranged for a tour of the school. It was homecoming/reunion weekend for the Class of '75 as well but, I placed my money on the Class of '71. Nothing personal against highschool. It was just that our baby-boomer class had 1313 kids in it and the odds were that at a 35th reunion I might really have known a score of the percentage that might show at such an event.

And most of them.... would have gone to gradeschool with me.....

So, I'm a practical Ferrerman.

At the end of the film "Stand By Me", the writer types something about the friends one has at 12 being the best one would ever have. I think a lot of people feel this way. I'm just guessing but I bet half of the gradeschool attendee's preferred- and made a point of- making the elementary over the highschool affair. It's just that, at that age, we were just kids, knew everybodies name and pretty much all got along until we went off to the vast chaos that was our huge highschool. Simpler, golden times.

The exterior of the school had changed little, still all brick and mortar and somewhat castle-like. The interior was completely different. I found it very hard to orientate myself to back in the day. Again, thanks to my classmates for filling in the memories. Randy was a font of information as to what teacher had which classroom back then. What he didn't know or wasn't sure about, the others knew and filled in the blanks. Everyone wanted to see the notorious swimming pool. The pool was closed over during the depression. The exact reason why was legendary in town. The popular myth was that when the school was integrated, the pool was shut down so that white children wouldn't have to swim with black children. Jon's dad, who had grown up in our town and attended our schools, knew that a kid had drowned back in his time and so likely, it was that plus insurance liabilty plus that caused it's demise. And certainly the depression itself caused a lot of cutting back. I'm not sure when the school was integrated but it was long after the pool had already closed.

So, everybody wanted to see the pool and know that it really had existed. I was curious myself but, my back watched a few people struggle to get into the tight, trap door in the floor and I thought better of it. And nevermind that I'm tall and there looked to be about four and a half feet of head room. I believe there was a pool.

The classrooms themselves were, of course, completely different. That was to be expected. The library was in a different location as well. The only thing that hadn't really changed was the gym. It just shrunk a little as we all got older. Illinois is the only state that still requires PE (though our principal/guide told me it's only four days a week). Gym class had been a favorite for most of us. We had the most enjoyable bombardment (dodge-ball) games EVER! We even played it on "scooters"- one foot square chunks of wood with wheels attached. We also played floor hockey and of course, basketball. But, no swimming....

It was a great tour of a wonderful school, filled with wonderful memories despite the inevitable changes that time brings. I went with good people, then and now.