Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Isn't it amazing that it took the election of America's first black president for people to sit up and notice that there were things that weren't quite right in this country?

Did you know, for example, that we are being TAXED TO DEATH!? When did THAT happen??!!

Everything was fine on January 19th of 2009. Then, the next day, all holy hell broke loose with taxes, depression/recessions. TWO WARS! Where did THOSE come from!!?? Unemployment. Two thirds of the big three automakers went bankrupt. Banks failed. Wall Street collapsed. What a horrible day!

Worse than all of the above, we overnight became a nation being forced on a death march into muslimness/communist/fascist/socialist/gay-marrying/abortion-having.FEMA deathcamp-living...liberalness...

All in one day! When the sun rose that dark day on the 20th, America as we knew it, ceased to exist.

There are threads were I can write shit like that and excite people as long as I sign myself in with a nom de Topix like "I HATE LIBS". Some people swallow that hook, line and sinker because they want to or because so many people post such nonsense that even the free-thinking among us have become so desensitized to the radical right that, well, stuff like that no longer surprises.

Can you imagine that a word like "progressive" is now being uttered as if it were a perjorative? I wonder how the folks at Progressive Auto Insurance or any company that has advertised itself as progressive feels about this. I had never heard the connotation or denotation of the word as a bad thing in my life until I saw a clip of Glenn Beck denouncing liberals as "progressive".

Progress. When in the history of the world has THAT ever been a bad thing?

I get 99.9% of my FOXNEWS from Jon Stewart on the Daily Show. He presents it in such a way that I can stomach it. I've watched enough of FOXNEWS in person to know that it's not for me. I don't care much for MSNBC or CNN either. They have 24 hours each day of programming to fill and that only leads to talking way too much about nothing. They are selling fear along with cars and soap and whatever else the advertisers have to market.

But now progressive is a bad word just as liberalism is a "disease". People on the net proclaim liberalism to be a disease as matter a factly as syphilis is a disease, as if the CDC in Atlanta decreed it as such. Common knowledge. Everybody knows it.

Of late, Beck is pandering to the element of folks who long for the wonderful days of this nations founding when we battled a king across the water who desired only to control and tax us. There are people who want to live in that time right now. They want the freedom from big government of yore. They want 1776 again only with the fully automatic weapons of today. Serious. Because a few can hunt and string a trout-line and feed themselves as Ted Nugent claims to, they think EVERYONE in this nation of 300+ million can and should. They are willing to kill to achieve this. However, they- like our glorious founding fathers- are revolutionaries, NOT terrorists. And there is no king across the water. There is a president in the White House. And he's a nigger. I don't think so but, THEY DO think so and, yes, our president being half black IS the reason for the hatred of him no matter how clumsily these assholes dance around it. Neverminding the hatred that white democrat presidents like Clinton and Kennedy "inspired", Barack Obama is worse because he is black.

By design in this country, we take turns letting one of two parties "run" it every four to eight years. Since FDR died in his 3rd term of office, we decided to limit a presidents terms in office to two chances to hinder one parties shot at absolute control. Al Gore could have kept the democrat string alive if not for the Supreme Court stepping in as if they were NASCAR just changing the rules every race "for competition..."

But, I digress. Don't want to live in the past like the fundie constitutionalists do even if it is a more recent past. The point is, if Barack Obama is to be a one term president like some folks proclaim him to be, why not let it happen? It's embarrassing enough that the mainstream republican party chooses to be The Party Of "NO!" but, that's to be expected. Finishing second in a two man race tends to do that to people. There are people in the American south still fighting the Civil War. Oh, pardon me: "The War Of NORTHERN Aggression". But, just like anyone else on the "winning" side, I expect the "losers" to "get over it".

Really. Train harder. Rebuild.

If you lose a promotion at work, learn from it, deal with it so that you are ready when your time comes. Don't plot to kill Earl because he took "your" job. Don't plot to destroy the company because they chose Earl over you. If you can, go off and start your own company. Anyone in this country is free to leave at anytime. If you want to start your own country, leave. Do so. Good luck to you!

You just can't do it here. No matter what history says, no matter how you interpret the writings of our founding fathers, there is no need for revolution. Not yet.

It could become necessary in what is left of my lifetime. People may be waking up now but they just haven't had enough coffee yet. They are not thinking clearly. I'm a wonderful, clear thinking man but, if you've ever lived with me, you know that wonderfulness doesn't begin to show until I get a little caffeine and nicotine into me. I've never killed anyone but that's because I've been long aware of my super evil un-medicated powers and have tolerated loved one's conversation until they figured out I don't NEED to be spoken to ABOUT ANYTHING, first thing in the morning. Unless the house is on fire. I'll have it out by the second cup.

Barack Obama has done NOTHING TO HURT THIS COUNTRY. It could be argued that he hasn't done wonders yet to HELP it either. It's only been a year and he hasn't had much help from his side or from the second place finishers. We may not have liked BushII but we gave...accepted...his leadership the chance, because we were Americans.

Be very afraid, America, of those that warn you with new fears each day of the "intentions" of Barack Obama. They are foreshadowing their own intentions. They are creating an atmosphere of fear in America so that "they" can save "us" from it. The only man who can save us from them is in office right now. For how long, who knows? Be VERY afraid of what comes next.

The coffee's on, America. Care to sleep in? They'll keep it warm...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Who's Sorry Now?

Tiger Woods is sorry now. Well, not sorry ENOUGH for some people. Some people have taken issue with his reading a prepared "script" in his televised address to the nation. The NERVE!

Neverminding that he took several weeks to apologize to us, the cheatin' SOB cheated us- as a nation- by not tearfully winging it and begging for our forgiveness like a man should! Bastard! Where's Gloria Allred when WE need her?

Oh, she's representing the porn star that Tiger boffed who needs a personal apology of her own from Tiger. For what, I have no idea. I guess we as a nation, hurt and abandoned by Tiger, must fend for ourselves in this painful trashing of our collective hearts with only various media outlets, sportswriters and pundits to speak for us. We're left to sit on our national couch, a box of tissues at our side and a gallon of Rocky Road in our laps, crying our eyes out over this jilting while he walks away- SCOT FREE- having cleansed himself with...a prepared speech.

A million guys have tearfully apologized to a million cuckold wives throughout history. They stammered through admissions of guilt without reading from a script. They may have rehearsed a bit on the way over but, except for some who have written letters (admissable in divorce court-DUMBASSES!) most fella's have just winged it.

Not Tiger. He probably didn't even write the speech himself. Maybe one of his lawyers or his caddy did it...

This befuddles me as much as the consternation the tea-baggers express over President Obama's use of a teleprompter when he gives speeches. Um, Bush used the teleprompter (not very well though) and Reagan did and TV news anchors do and pretty much everybody who gives speeches in public does since, oh, the fucking thing was INVENTED! Why not Obama? (Tea- baggers want us to live like we did in colonial times, like our founding fathers intended, only with fully automatic weapons instead of flintlocks and blunderbusses. They will continue to feel this way until they take over. Then, there will be a new discovery known as "the teleprompter" which will replace palm notes)

The baggers and their somewhat less violent cousins, the republicans, act as if our president cannot speak on his feet without words to read on a magical piece of plexiglass. Not true. Frankly, every politician known to man has been, to usually a better degree than you or I, a pretty fair orator. Speaking to people is how one gets elected. Well, that and the occasional Supreme Court decision. Obama may say "ummm..." a lot but, put him in a room with some republican politicians and he owns the room. The man can talk AND read like no other president since Bill Clinton.

So why shouldn't Tiger Woods who is, for all intents and purposes a golfer by trade, be allowed to read from a prepared speech when he addresses the nation? Is it the part black thing? I hope not and since I've already covered that, I don't care to go there again. Really, how many of us are glib, gifted public speakers able to talk about important things at the drop of a hat? How many of us SHOULD be? If you take away the prepared speech, you get Rod Blagoevich. Who wants that?

The media, the comedians and those who care to sit in the jury box of the Court Of Public Opinion, the highest court in the land, that's who.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Eyes Wide Shut

Meet young Donnie, a kid I knew in Tennessee. Nice boy, a very talented sheetrock finisher who, in order to advance his knowledge of the trades, hired on as a painter at one of the companies I worked for. For a time I was charged with teaching him the tricks of the trade. I found him to be a quick study and he was attentive to my teachings. This was important because it never ceased to amaze me how many rookies would try to reinvent the wheel of painting as if the millions that came before them were laboring away in ignorance awaiting their salvation in the form a savant messiah of the brush and roller. I spoke, Donnie listened.

Donnie was married with two small children, a boy and a girl. i presumed they were all happy but, I later learned that Donnie, like most of us fellas, had a desire for other women. For some of us, one's too many and a hundred ain't enough. He also liked the thought of his young wife sharing in his desire for women that weren't her. That happens. It might have been that he was seeking her approval of his lust by involving her in the action. I think that was a large part of it but, well, two women at once is part of Male Fantasy 101, a required course in life (though some opt to take it on-line rather than go to the actual classes).

Donnie took the Mrs. off to titty bars to seek suitable partners for "their" fantasy. Far be it from me to paint all dancers with the same brush (too good of a painter for that) but, a strip club is a good place to find women as they are naked and, well, lots of things happen when you are naked, many of them really good.

The couple experimented with a few different women until they found "the one". Mrs. Donnie liked "the one" a lot. She liked her so much she kicked Donnie to the curb. Donnie went from being a happy hubby and daddy to being a child support-paying, divorced guy. I think it took about three months for this turnaround.

I found out about all this when the fellas at work were snickering about Donnies situation. Men in general and construction workers in particular are the biggest gossips this side of a Christian woman's sewing circle. I was surprised to hear what had happened to this nice quiet kid but, I wasn't surprised that he hadn't shared his story with me. See, when I next saw Donnie, he explained to me why he had purposely NOT told me.

"You would have told me not to do it", he admitted.

He was right about that. I passed on the "I told ya's..." because I hadn't told him 'cause he hadn't told me. It wasn't part of my curriculum. If he had asked, I would have advised against it. I'm old school in a lot of ways. I'm old enough to know that if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it. Trouble will also find you when you least expect it but, it's somehow easier to deal with when it happens that way. If you go into something with eyes wide shut, you're damning the consequences. Eyes wide open is to be aware of the dangers whether you voice them or not.

If he saw it as sanctioned cheating it was because he was seeing it with his blind, third eye. I'm not a marriage counselor- don't even play one on TV like a Dr. Phil. I know that, anecdotally, lots of couples are very happy to share their bed with others. If it works for them- great. Snake handlers and Shakers are happy with their religions but, that doesn't mean their beliefs will work for everyone. Clearly though, Donnie and his third eye quickly became lost in the new translation of their desires. Had his wife always had secret lesbian desires? I don't know, I never met her. I'm not sure how things are with them all today as I lost touch with Donnie several years ago. The two women may still be together and Donnie may have found a new love as well.

Having a threesome doesn't mean the end of a marriage. It's just that if you get to that particular fork in the road of a relationship, one or the both of you (preferably both) might like stop and check the map to see how you all got there and if that's where you really need to be.

Be careful about asking for directions though. It might be a hot chick that you ask and well, y'all can fill in the blanks from there.

Happy motoring!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

More Thread Stuff!

There's a thread I visit that becomes less and less of a guilty pleasure with each post I read. I've had me some fun there (I'm all about fun...) as I've made my jokes and gentle jabs at the crazies. I even brokered a rather successful Xmas truce amongst republicans and democrats on this thread who were going at each other like, well, republicans and democrats. They are the Hatfields and the McCoys of the 21st century. It's a long standing feud amongst people who refuse to see how much they have in common because they are so busy SCREAMING that they have long since forgotten what all the fuss is about.

Well, they do KNOW what all the fuss is about because it's something different every day even though it's the same thing, every day. Understand?

Me neither.

You see, EVERYTHING that Barack Obama does IS WRONG! This is because he is a socialist/marxist/communist/demoncrat/illegal/muslim who wants to take over the world! I should add that his Christan minister, Reverend Wright hates white people and that Obama pals around with terrorists who want to destroy America. And, Michele wears shorts! Plus, he bows to foreign leaders, even one's from Florida. And even the two major bastions of the liberal owned media- Saturday Night Live and Jon Stewart- have taken to making jokes about him because he is evil!

So, there you go. It's evidently, that simple.

I've read all of the above, often in the same paragraph, on this particular thread and dozens like it, all over Topix. There are hundreds of people who believe all of the above. They also believe that I, as an accused demoncrat and others accused of the same, worship Obama and all the evil that he stands for because, well, THAT'S WHAT WE DO...

I won't mention the title of the thread. Don't want to draw attention to it. I wish it would die in piece or gone on as it did last night with two posters, Dave and Gynger, sparring back and forth with youtube videos of classic rock. Good stuff! Beatles, Beach Boys and Otis Redding make more sense to me than impeaching the president because he took his wife to dinner...AT TAX PAYER EXPENSE!!!! (Disclaimer: Everything ANY president does is at taxpayer expense, whether it be dinner with the old lady or invading a country or clearing brush on the ranch. That one president knows how to treat a lady better than another, shouldn't be held against him.)

But, in this thread are some of the nicest people I've never met and some of the craziest. I was linked to this thread by folks on another thread. Most of the same suspects are on both threads. One is just like the other though, of late at least, the crazies dominate the former while it's a wash on the latter. But, boy oh boy, it's mean on both! No slam against the other side is left un-slammed. It is a grown-up version of a school yard scuffle. "HE STARTED IT!" "NO! SHE DID!!"

These people really see it as war, though. There are even hints at what will happen when Obama gets defeated and Sarah Palin installs herself as Queen. Remember those rumors about Obama FEMA camps (concentration camps cause he's a Nazi ya know...) well "WE" are going to use those for "YOU" because...turnabout is fair play...

Yep, I've seen that posted a lot. I think the Thought Police are napping in their squad cars cause nobody is enforcing whatever anybody thought freedom of speech was supposed to keep us from thinking. Huh? I mean, it's still America, kids. You can say whatever you want without rhyme, reason or a "link for that".

It is literally "hundreds of people" who feel this way. Despite what FOX or anyone else on the right will tell you, it is not the pulse of the nation. These people are more like the pimple on the butt of the nation. They have no problem showing their ass either and it's because they do that they get attention. I hate to justify anything with money but, if you say stupid things like Rush Limbaugh does and you get paid $400 million for it, I understand your motivation. But, if you say stupid things on the internet- FOR FREE- I think you're every bit the idiot he is but, he's got nicer houses.

If it seems like I'm picking on republican zealots, it's only because I am. These fucker's are crazy! But, they are not representative of the vast majority of the republicans that I've known all my life. Can you tell a republican or democrat by looking at them? By their occupation? Religion? Gender or sexuality? I can't. It takes all kinds to fill up the voter rolls. Our similarities are different, except on the threads. I said earlier that I've been "accused" of being a democrat. I pretty much am but you can't prove it to other democrats, all the time. I have voted republican in the past. Some elections I have sat out because I couldn't figure out which was the lesser of two evils. Politics is religion. You are only as religious as someone else is willing to concede you are. And, like religion, if you are not with us, surely you are against us.

I feel sad for the zealots, the people who wake up each day filled with hate for those who believe differently than they do. I really do feel sad for them. I should maybe find more interesting threads. Ya think?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I mentioned to a friend of mine in an e-mail the other day, that one of the people on the 'net who has made me (well, Ferrerman anyway) their sworn enemy, wrote that "if anyone wanted to kill Ferrerman, (she) would look the other way".

*Rachel* thought that was awful and asked how I could tolerate people like that.

Well, the woman, *Angela*, is just someone on the 'net, not anyone I know in real life. She lives hundreds of miles away in Minnesota and though she wakes up one morning, goes to work and takes the time to express via computer her desire that someone kill me, her murderous desires do not phase me. I don't know what people hope to accomplish by getting "e-tough" on the internet with people they don't know. It's kinda hard to take someone seriously when they do something that is as cowardly as an obscene phone call would be. Yet people do this every day on the threads. It's a violation of the Terms Of service but, Topix and the rest of the internet is a vast, untamed Wild West where the only "law" for miles around is a computer program that kicks out vulgarities (most of the time...) and we're really expected to fend for ourselves. Well, if you've got a spare $19.95 laying around, justice and hats and tee-shirts are available at the Topix store. Not to be mean but, she's not worth 20 bucks to me. Besides, better men than her have wanted to e-kill me.

Another common fantasy on the threads is that one poster will request that another commit suicide.

Isn't THAT special?

I read this every day as well. "I don't like you! Please kill yourself!" This advice is given daily throughout the threads.

Ironically, one of Angela's friends, irRational, has asked me at least twice to do just that. Though I've never met the dude, he's of the opinion that this would solve all my problems AND his as well. If I remember right, he makes his living as an (unemployed) financial planner. Not exactly E.F. Hutton, is he?

But again, it's not just me hearing these threats and *suggestions* on the threads. They are as ubiquitous as the assertion that every troll on the boards is living in their mother's basement, fat, gay and/or all of the above, etc. etc. Someone thinks, therefore you are...

I may make a screenshot now and then about such things but, I don't take them to heart. Truth is, if you did show up at my door intending to hurt me...

Well, I'm not Nostradamus but, I bet something nasty would happen that would teach someone- far too late- that they shouldn't threaten someone, especially a Ferrerman.

It's mostly *innocent* blowhard, masturbation fantasies of the soul though. The people who make such threats are cowards who are afraid to act on their words.

I think though, some people must post with a mirror above their monitor. Who are they really *talking to* when they post such vile? Mirror or not, they are voicing the depths of their shallow souls, exposing the sadness of their being. Who do they really despise?

Monday, February 1, 2010

The High Plains Ferrerman Returns

It was a cold day in Hell when the High Plains Ferrerman returned to the town once known as AmyAbbyville. The town still wore a slightly pinkish hue from the painting party of the previous Fall. A few people roamed the streets, seemingly in a daze, crying out, "Where do we go now? What do we do?" Several tumbleweeds skirted by.

Ferrerman spotted Racy, the town drunk, coming towards him.

"Well, I'll be!" Racy exclaimed, "it's the Ferrerman! Dag nabit, Ferrerman! Drinks for EVERYBODY! O happy day!"

Upon hearing this, the townspeople scattered. Those who had not ever known the Ferrerman, knew to fear him because they had been trained to do so by the others, who had been trained to by 770 and the 3 lettered girl. It was kinda like beating a puppy to make him mean. What do you get from that? Mean dogs. Pat attention now! That's just a metaphor for the townspeople's habit of assaulting strangers as a way of forcing assimilation on the weaker minded ones.

"Well, Racy, how's things in The Quorum?"

"The Quorum? The Quorum? Why- dag nabit, they all up an left! Dag gummit! Didn't even say goodbye! They all gone! Gosh dangit!"

This didn't really surprise the Ferrerman. Any secret society is like a pyramid scheme in that those who get in early get paid while feeding off the others. No doubt the ninnies were off somewhere else, setting up the same scheme looking for new "regs" to control and lord over. The real problem with AmyAbbyville was it had been a "troll based" economy. When an economy is built solely on importing trolls- no exporting- it is bound to collapse. And worse, when most of the imported trolls are phony, in-house trolls, the whole community suffers. And, Ferrerman noted, "Don't get me started on the ninnie penchant for "jump-ins" of new 'residents'". He added to no one in particular, "I mean it- DON'T get me started!"

Tru dat. They did like to abuse probationary posters to see how much "carp" they would take. It was probably the same tactic used IRL with gentleman that made their lives a revolving door of suspect men, a continuing drama of middle-aged, female angst. How does one proclaim a desire to be "held" while pushing a man away at the same time?

The War Against Ferrerman had also done in the town. It was a war that could not be won. When the "queen" had proclaimed falsely that Ferrerman had WMD's (Weapons of Mass Distraction) and plunged AmyAbbyville into war based on this lie, it was the beginning of the end for the burg. Bubble tea, which prior to the hostilities had flowed freely from the teat of 770 (along with free, fat-free, freshly baked brownies!) had shot up in price 1000%! To finance the war, trolls were created like so much off-budget money as well. One by one and two by two, frustrated with 770's war, good citizens of AmyAbbyville began to leave. The best citizens left rather than study an un-winnable war waged against an innocent Ferrerman who could not be defeated.

Ferrerman scanned the tumbleweed strewn streets of AmyAbbyville. Outside the saloon, a young, goofy-looking boy was getting the snot beat out of him by three dance hall girls. The kid had a wry smile on his face. He seemed to be enjoying the beating. Down the street, Subjugated, the town attorney, was standing upon two high horses, one white one black. He defended the merits of both horses, all day, before pronouncing himself "above it all". No one listened.

"Ferrerman", Racy said, sadness coming over his face, "they's talk of cutting off are advise column supply! What will we do?!"

Poor Racy, Ferrerman thought. A good citizen, he deserved a better fate. But, things did not bode well for AmyAbbyville or for anyone who chose to stay behind. Those who had not been picked by the ninnies to join them in their new, virtual world would find it hard to stay and rebuild the town and even harder to pick up and try and make a go of it elsewhere in Topixland. It was rough, lawless country compared to AmyAbbyville. Ferrerman rode the range. He knew. Racy mightcould make it but, not too many of the stragglers would. There were some towns in Topixland...well, be afraid. Be very afraid...

"I don't know, Racy" Ferrerman replied. "But, good luck to you."

With that, the Ferrerman rode quietly out of AmyAbbyville. Once again, Hell fell behind him as he headed off in the day...