Support Our Fake Troops!

Maybe all wars should be fought this way. Get a few guys who can't quite get their stories to gel, on the internet and have them tell those stories on threads. Nobody really get's killed or wounded, no innocent civilians get bombed. Just whoever gets the good icons wins! The bad icons go to liberal, communist, mooseslime loving cowards!

Several years ago I saw an old co-worker in the beer store. After an exchange of pleasantries, Mike told me that Karl K. had died.

Did Karl tell you he had died, I asked.

Mike was nearly literally rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

Karl had been one of the most prolific liars I had never known. To my knowledge, I had never met him. He had worked everywhere I had worked though and so, we knew the same people. His lies were so ridiculous they were funny. He had once fallen off six sections of scaffolding, spraying paint all the way down until he hit the deck. Of course, he survived, climbed back up and finished the job. I heard that one and asked if he was a joker. Nope. Karl was the kind of guy who just had to out-do everything anyone else did. Someone had probably fell off one section so, he had to do six. He was quite famous for his lies in the paint world. Other liars paled in comparison to him.

I'm sure Karl claimed military service as well but, it's not my job to remember all his stories. Not even sure it was his. Many liars forget their bullshit as soon as they speak it and move on to something else. Karl was likely pathological in his lies. Others tell lies for a *reason* of sorts, not necessarily to self-promote but to promote a cause. These people are often called politicians.

It's not good enough to simply blindly support a war. Some need to have the background of service to *authenticate* their support. "I was THERE, man!" This qualifies that you know what you're talking about and, on internet forums, you're opponent does not. In fact, you know he's a commie-loving, mooselime faggot because you know one when you post to one! I bet you don't even know what an MRE is! What was your MOS?! You don't even have one because you have no idea what it is! I will call in an airstrike on your lib ass!

It goes that way. The first liar doesn't have a chance. Some become Gunny Hartman in "Full Metal Jacket". This works fairly well on the internet because no one can see who they're dealing with. Real life can be a different story when it is readily apparent that the person isn't actually ten feet tall and bullet-proof. On paint crews I have worked on, some guys lied to puff themselves up and/or warn others not to fuck with them. That they have killed before, means they can and will kill again....

I had a fella chat me up one day. He asked me if I was the same age as "Gary". Indeed I was. "So, you were in the war too?" What war would that be? "Vietnam, man!"

No. I was one of those pussies who used my gradeschool and highschool deferments. I feel shame....
We pulled out of 'Nam in '73. The war officially ended in '75, the year Gary and I graduated different highschools together. Gary would later change his service to Operation Desert Storm after an actual VietNam veteran pinned him up against the wall on a job and told him that if Gary told one more motherfucking lie about serving in 'Nam, he was gonna beat his fucking ass. Desert storm became a much safer and even beliveable story.

But, fool me once, shame on you. My honesty didn't endear me to Gary. He never told me he had been in 'Nam or Desert Storm because we were the same age. These were stories he told others. It just made me doubt pretty much everything the guy ever said. I mean, the guy told me he could paint! Couldn't prove that to me though....sloppy motherfucker....

On the internet such stories back up a person's hawkish views. You can advocate bombing Iran because you've been there and though you know first hand that war is hell, this also means it's necessary to defeat the liberal-socialist agenda in that country....

Okie doakie....

Just how is it that anecdotal stories trump fact? One old guy on Topix likes to talk about being in the Marines. That's great. Though a few million have served, only him and a friend of his are *actual* Marines. Everybody else is lying. There's little doubt in my mind that either one of these guys were in the Marines. It's just that one did his 'Nam servivce before we got there and the other, after we left. The first guy got angry with me when I mentioned a guy I had worked with had been a combat Marine in 'Nam. The man posted back that I was full of shit- I wasn't there!

Evidently, his MOS wasn't reading comprehension. Again, a guy I worked with.... I corrected him. Well, I tried....

It turned out my former co-worker hadn't been a Marine either! Who knew? Not him. In fact, according to this guy, no one on Topix has ever been a combat Marine but him and the other guy! I guess that no one can come out of any war without being a hawkish, war-loving republican. To hear them tell it....

Maybe that's the way it should be? Our liars against their liars. No one gets hurt. The only casualty is truth.