By Definition...

Once upon a time I did work for a very disagreeable woman who had a retarded stepson. I mention he was retarded because she rarely failed to mention it herself.

"I'm taking my retarded stepson to the store. My retarded stepson needs a new pair of pants"

Anytime she referred to him, it was as her "retarded stepson"and she spoke of him a lot. She was an awful woman on many levels. I heard her talking to her friend on the phone about how she couldn't wait until (her husband) died so she could move. I didn't think I was hearing a murder plot, just the musings of a tragically blunt- what's the word? Her husband probably did not fear death either.

She actually introduced her retarded step son to me in this way: "Ferrerman, this is my retarded stepson." I had to ask him his name. Turned out it was Jimmy. That mystery was solved. As you might guess, he was a sweet, happy kid, about 18 years old. I think he had no idea how awful his stepmonster was. I hope not.

She defined that boy every time she spoke about him. Why do people do that? I worked with a guy who always referred to his "black son" which was the only son he had and, being as how Timmy was a redheaded, redneck, crackhead and the kid was clearly not sprung from his loins, it seemed unnecessarily descriptive. Frankly, given Tim's redneck-ness, I was rather proud of him for accepting the boy as his son. Well, as proud as I could be of an asshole we all referred to as "Crackhead Tim". He began dating the boys mother right before she gave birth and he specifically asked her if there was any chance the baby daddy might be black. She said no. She was wrong about that. Last I knew they were all still together and, I imagine he's still referring to the kid as "my black son".

Sublime, the imaginary Lifestyles and Entertainment editor of Topix, frequently talks about his "autistic son" to differentiate from his two non-autistic boys. Why? Why share with strangers that you have an autistic child when you are the sort of creep that criticizes other people's children, as Sublime does? It's not clear whether Sublime is as horrible in real life as he portrays himself on the threads and there is no way of knowing if one of his kids is actually autistic or if he is just portrayed as one in the threads. It might all be a bait like the trashy tales he tells of his having sex with his wife. That nonsense might be real, I don't know. It's hard to say if he's bragging or simply laying this all out there to be mocked for being such a douchebag.You re supposed to have sex with your spouse. You are under no obligation to discuss it with strangers though. People embellish on the threads to create controversy because...because...why not? I don't know why it is important for people like that to come out with tid bits like that or things involving their children.

I think when we define our loved ones like this, we say more about ourselves than we do them.