Facts & Loose

Like any euphemistically-termed "reality show", "Fast And Loud" can be taken at face value for the hour it takes to watch it. Before and after that though, reality may vary.

Last night was the culmination of a two part episode where Richard Rawlins and his lead mechanic, Aaron Kaufman, found what they claimed were two original, prototype, 1967 Pontiac Firebirds. According to the show, these two were the cars that made the auto shows back in the day. They didn't really spend a lot of time proving that though. Over the years I've heard such cars were usually destroyed. Why? I can only guess that they're not street legal and not quite like their final version and the factory is not in the business of selling directly to the public. However, I've seen where they have found their way into private collections and museums. These cars are also touted as being numbers One and Two off the assembly line which evidently has been documented, easily enough, by the build specs on the frame. The first two off the line and found together in a barn is pretty neat.

However, it's not $325,000 neat like they said. The prices that Richard pays are a little sketchy, a little fanciful. Richard's a tough negotiator but he always seems to win. He *stole* these cars for $75,000 from some ex-NBA player I'd never heard  of and figures that in rough but original condition, he could sell them for the $325,000 figure. I think that those numbers were found in the barn too and need some work as well.

Back home in Texas, Richard figures to sell the cars as is to a builder who restores cars to original, concourse condition. That's the original, factory condition, in this case using genuine GM parts and specs. Original wheels, paint over-spray where it should be- just like it rolled off the line in '67. Perfect in it's non-perfection, I guess. It's harder than customizing a ride. If you cheat or cut corners, the experts will know.

So, the buyer cuts Richard a deal that only could happen on reality TV.  He gives Richard the $325k but also charges him with restoring both cars to concourse condition. For that he'll pay him another $300,000...as long as Richard completes the cars- to his satisfaction- in 60 days. He'll be fined $10,000 for each day beyond sixty! Oh my!

Well, reality TV is all about false deadlines. That's the drama. We are probably one republican president away from The Hunger Games but, for now we've got false deadlines for dramatic effect. Usually these garage shows find out there's an auction in three days and- if they want to make money- they better find and build a '57 Chevy in three days.....  I'd get a calendar and a heads up on the auctions. I've never built or customized a car but, it takes longer than three days. It takes longer than a week. It always takes longer than you figured.

And doesn't it figure that if you want something perfect, you don't rush it? Do you want these cars in sixty days or do you want them perfect? If you want perfection, you don't rush it.

Evidently, save for an after market alternator and a non-original Hurst shifter-knob, both cars were perfect and, more importantly, delivered on time! No fine! Here's your extra $300,000 son! The buyer is off to sell the cars for a million dollars a piece (I suppose) because that's how that works.

Well, not exactly.... Hot Rod magazine looked into this and learned the two cars were not prototypes  but were the first two cars off the line in '67. Again, cool, but not that cool. They weren't special order, one of a kind. They were just one and two. Nor were they discovered in a barn.They were stored (in the condition shown on the show) and recently sold for $30,000 for the pair. Not the $75,000 that Richard bragged he stole them for, or for the $325k he claimed they were worth. Richard Rawlings is kind of a dick. He's very entertaining though. He's egotistical and loves to drink beer. He's a wheeler-dealer and probably as many people despise him as like him. He doesn't always win either. Sometimes his builds don't do well at auction and he winds up snorting tequila up his nose. That's not a metaphor. He's actually snorted shots of tequila. Twice. On purpose. Because some other guy dared him to.

In looking at the Fast & Loud Facebook site, there seems to be less gnashing of teeth about the Firebirds than about the firing of two featured mechanics, Tom and Jordan, on the same episode. People seemed to like them both a lot. Jordan struck me as kinda dour and Tom was goofy as all get out. Dangerously goofy, I thought. Tom also had a problem with getting to work on time and Richard had fired him at least twice previously. Well, make that three times now. Jordan seemed to merely be disgruntled at having to work under a newly hired boss. Now, that is reality. You keep showing up late, you get fired. Disobey the new boss and show attitude, you get fired. That's not really good TV (unless they scream and/or throw punches) but it is reality. And, it took time. None of this: "You've got three days to fire two guys- or everybody dies!"  Maybe next season....