Forget it, Ferrerman, it's Topixtown

A few weeks ago I actually got around to taking almost all of the Topix threads on my tracker. There were some that were weeks old and seemingly abandoned and some I just couldn't bear to keep up with any longer. I still post and still lurk a bit but, neither my heart nor my head is in it anymore. Being unable to hide with an Illinois ISP, I've made a few unregistered posts when I could not resist. Ferrerman is as Ferrerman does. And, of course, I'm posting with nice people on my friend's thread. That is the one nice aspect of Topix, the exchanging of jokes and thoughts about life.

The lurking is interesting. Until you step aside from tragedy, do you ever really understand it? When you are entrenched in the chaos, you cannot fully understand how silly it is, how futile. How vulgar. On one forum, a guy is having a typical meltdown. Well, on every forum someone is having a meltdown. That's Topix! They rely on the thousands of mentally unbalanced people who call it home to periodically break down. This generates posts ten fold. I always did kinda speed read most threads, just getting the gist of what was going on, to see if I was interested. There's a somewhat *political* thread I used to be on that is, of course, same old same old. A few decent liberals post there and reichtards combat them with threats, epithets and the almost true fact that gas was cheaper when GW Bush left office than it is now. I look at it. Same shit. Occasionally one of the libs will make a post that I would like to back them upon but, I resist the temptation, knowing who they are dealing with. Mind you, the libs are making TONS of good points but, some are more  poignant than others. When those points are countered with the usual blather about 'socialism/marxism/yadafuckingyada, you just blow it off and wonder why you ever bothered. It's mind-numbing nonsense.

I don't need these people. I knew that. They need me.

I don't know if they understand that.

I left a couple of grayboxed "Chinatown" quotes this morning on a thread to amuse myself and anyone who might be a fan of the film. Like the title of this piece, they fit.  Like the film, Topixtown is full of layers of deceit. It can be a real mystery. I have to admit that was appealing at first. "Who are these crazy fuckers?!"

But, when after nearly four years you are still asking yourself who these crazy fuckers are, it's long time past since closing time. When someone links a post from five years past where the *brother and sister twins* first meet, and they don't come off of that lie, you really have to question nearly every poster on the site. They didn't take the opportunity to claim separation at birth, now did they? And when the *brother* fancies himself the absolute word about who is who amongst the posting crowd, you really have to doubt absolutely everything he claims. Well, I already knew that as he regularly deemed me to be avatars and grayboxes that I knew I wasn't. But, of course, he would reply, (I) would say that, wouldn't (I)?

Who bothers to pretend to be brother and sister twins? Why??? I don't know. I don't want to know. There is no good reason for such duplicity. None whatsoever. You toss in gender-duplicitous posters and you really have to wonder who is what as well as who.

One of the fake twins friends is regularly accused of being a man. I used to private message her. Yikes! Thankfully I never talk dirty in PM's so, I'm still chaste. For the record, I'm pretty sure she's a she even though the bro-twin confirmed it. YIKES! She reads like a woman. I lived in New Orleans for two years. You need to be certain of lady parts before you get down to business. I've got both an eye and an ear for the ladies. Interestingly, it was a PM from another poster that prompted me to message her. I had made one innocuous post to a woman(?) who, right out of the box, wanted to have "cybersex". I felt bad for her and asked the other girl to run interference for me as they were friends. I already felt the other girl was a decent and liberal poster, with a good heart. And I had read enough of the messager to know she was damaged and fragile. She was probably female in real life but, when you think about it, who leaps into dirty talk from Jump Street? Usually desperate dudes. I did not care to take a big chance at the high school dance with a *missy* who was ready to play...

Gender bending aside, obviously we all know the internet is full of liars. Fake war hero's. Fake millionaires. Fake political allegiances. Even- fake Ferrermen! YIKES! If you can't tell I am a real Ferrerman, you haven't been paying attention. So, if you want a little bit of reality in your virtual world, be vewy, vewy cahful...

Really what got me in the end was various people depending upon me. Some people get obsessive, it seems. It's not a stretch to say that some people lived and breathed Ferrerman. Quite likely, they thought of me when they woke up in the morning, before they passed out at night and even every moment in between. This is very disconcerting whether one is a Ferrerman or not. Grayboxing helped a bit as it kept Ferrerman off the Offbeat index but, stalkers will find you anyway. Worse, they'll think they found you under another avatar or graybox name. And the fake twin will *confirm* it...

Some people actually leave Topix in disgust. Many just change profiles though and maybe try to stay away from trouble. But, I am Ferrerman. I don't care to be anyone else longer than it takes to make a timely graybox post a la Chinatown references. I won't be run off by stalkers who call me names including my real ones. I'd complain but, Topix depends on these assholes to run up the post count for advertising revenue and there is a very good school of thought that many of these very assholes work for Topix. Yes, the inmates probably are running the asylum. A Ferrerman chatting with largely real people on "A" thread probably won't earn some asshole a bonus.

I don't tell people in real life that I post on Topix. I'm not proud of it. I would not recommend it to anyone. Still I have no shame for being there. It helps to have no shame! The general anonymity promotes that. These assholes can be assholes because very few people actually know who they are. There's little doubt in my mind that they are as sociopathetic (sic) in their real lives as they are on Topix. NO doubt. Hey- it keeps them off the streets. That's not a bad thing...

Ferrerman felt he had never slept in a better bed.