Scenes from a suburban Porch

About a week ago I noted on my Facebook page how charmed I was by a young girl who carried with her a 13 gallon trash bag as she walked the family Collie. Cute kid. She was prepared for ANYTHING.

There's a quote about integrity being doing the right thing when no one is looking. I think I got that right- were you reading? You know- you pick up your dogs poop even when you are reasonably certain there is no Ferrerman (or anyone else) sitting on their porch. You do it because.... that's what you are supposed to do.

In my quiet suburban village, it's not so much dog poop and irresponsible pet owners that are a problem but, teenage boys. No one cleans up after their boys when they go out for walks! Why is that?

Now, mind you, to my knowledge these boys are not pooping on lawns all over town. Well, I HOPE not. I don't know. I don't want to know....

But, I do know that they are peeing all over town. And really, I understand that. When you gotta go, ya gotta go. Been there, done that. Discretion being the better part of valor and urinary functions, you find a place behind a bush and let it flow. But, one night last Fall I stepped out on to porch to see a teenage boy walking from the side of my house, in the darkness. His hands were at his side so I knew he wasn't carrying a TV or stereo equipment from my house or the neighbors. He had been taking a leak. No doubt.

But, I fuck with people because I can and I asked him what the fuck he was doing, boy.

He mumbled something about nothing and, without a look, got into a mini-van with three really cute chicks. The girls giggled and the van sped away. In their haste, they forgot one very drunk boy who staggered out from the next house down, past me, as he tried to catch up with the van.

I remember thinking: Well, I'm officially old now and I'm glad I'm no longer in Memphis. It's one thing to be a cranky old man shaking his fist at those damn kids. It's another to be carrying a 9mm and fearing the night.

I wasn't armed that night. I was glad I didn't need to be.

Kinda nice after so many years in Memphis where anything could happen, to be in a place where nothing really happens.

On the porch last night, I heard a group of boys approaching. Kids. One of them said the oddest thing.

"You know how when we rap we say "yo-yo-yo"? When Spanish people rap they say "ay-ay-ay".

Odd because, these were very white kids. I don't think of "we" and white kids when I think of rap. But, kids today....

I was actually impressed at his language. He didn't say "spicks" or "niggers".

"Spanish people"!

Anyway, another boy in the passel of eight or so announced he was going to take a piss, "right here". I thought: "Here we go. Come piss by the side of my porch. You'll get a lit cigarette in your face (hopefully) and an old man saying: 'What the fuck are you doing, PUNK!?"

Well, that didn't happen. Evidently the kid pissed from the sidewalk into the neighbors bushes. No harm, no foul really.They walked on across the street to the one boys house, oblivious to me in the darkness of my porch. They milled around a bit, made a phone call and moved o in the direction from which they had come.

Now, this is where it got interesting. Two younger, smaller boys on bikes rode by. I don't know this but, it sounded like the same kid who referrred to "Spanish people" suddenly called out "NIGGERS, BITCHES, HO'S!" at the boys on the bikes.

The kids on the bikes slowed a bit and retorted: "You got a problem?" To which the other boy replied "99 bitch!"

I have no idea what that means. I assume it's ghetto. I was just glad it was the suburbs of Chicago. These kids wouldn't last long in Memphis.

I was impressed with the younger ones. They slowed but they knew they were out numbered. There was no shame in riding on. A kid mouthed off. They responded. Life went on. It could have been a lot worse. I'm glad it wasn't.