Babysitter Wanted

I think that most conservatives would hire Casey Anthony to watch their grandchildren as long as she spoke ill of Obama and/or liberals.

That does seem to be the ticket in these days. Politics has always made strange bedfellows but, the Anthony statement might not be that absurd. In the threads, all sorts of odd folks have gathered together to condemn Obama who wouldn't necessarily have gotten along before.

Didn't people think he was going to unite the country?

In the republican debates, all sorts of odd folks have gathered too. The only thing they have in common is they all are against Obama and that just seems to be good enough. The only question left for the RNC is to pick which one is most against Obama and see if that is good enough to unseat him.

It might not be so, they're also making it hard for democrats to vote. If this were happening in another country, Jimmy Carter would be overseeing the voting.

I've yet to come across an intelligent republican debator in the threads. All are truly awful people who try to shout down opponents even though they must realize, you can't do that with the typed word. No matter how many times you call a poster *gay*, you still can't dispute the fact that GW Bush and friends ruined the economy for their own personal gain. They cite a Topix poll  that has absolutely NO restrictions on voting as *proof* that Obama will not be elected because *69% of respondents voted 'NO' 100+ times a piece*.

That's all??!! Unrestricted voting and 69% is the best you can do??????!!!!! Where do these people come from?

Good Lord!

No poor man ever gave me a job!

That's a common statement from the right. As deep as summer puddles as they are, it passes for profundity.

Perhaps because of the way my mind works, I always wonder if it isn't also usually followed by: "....but a poor woman gave me a blow job!"

Take a step back. Don't jump into this apparent puddle just yet. I'm not talking about me getting my dick sucked. I'm referring to the Kochsuckers who habitually regurgitate the first witticism as if were the altruism of the history of the world. It isn't. It's, at best, the "Hope and Change" of the right wing. It's every bit as vague and promising.

There's another saying about oral sex: "Even bad head is better than no head". 

I swear- this is still not about me getting my dick sucked. Really!

People in Congress and on Foxnews and their minions in the threads worship the rich. They are (at least) metaphorically on their knees, taking the rich in their mouths, lovingly, adoringly and- seemingly- free of charge. They claim they do this more out of respect than worship but, there's no mistaking the reverence of power involved. Well, OK, there's money involved with Congress and Fox but, that doesn't make it right. That makes it prostitution. Whores do a lot of things for money but, for every Julia Roberts "Pretty Woman", there are 500,000 women feeding a drug habit or supporting a man. Maybe more.  What about the millions who just like sucking dick?

Yes, what about the tea baggers? We're told they are people just like us only patrioticly moreso. They've worked hard for what they have and they've done it for men who have worked even harder than they and they just want to keep all their hard-earned dollars and not share with the lazy folks. Why, for example, pay to feed the lazy children of lazy people when that money could be better spent feeding our glorious troops everywhere they are gloriously needed? So, teabaggers, in an apparent effort to shrink government, want ALL social services cut. Eliminate them and you make government small. Small is evidently good. Get rid of welfare and unemployment benefits and you force people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and become millionaires. Or die. Just like the founders intended. Is it that simple or is it just that simple-minded?

So, the teabaggers are appropriately-named Kochsuckers, doing it because they like the associated power. Rich by injection, I guess. They're like the eye candy on the arm of the old, rich guy. Of course she loves him! And he loves her! And if he wasn't already married, he'd be married to her! And what- she should be with a poor man who gives her nothing?

Hell no! Who wants to be a slut? There's no money in it.  Just love, respect and freedom.

THE LAZY BASTARDS!

They get government handouts, for nothing!

You've probably seen them in their fancy cars, wearing their fancy clothes, buying the fanciest cuts of meat at the supermarket.

They don't pay taxes! Why should they?

YOU pay their way! YOU!

They always have their handout!

And worse, they are violent, hate-filled people who despise YOU  and laugh at YOU for making it easy for them!

They call themselves a MINORITY and have a whole political party devoted to catering to them and their every need!

Disgusting! Lazy bastards don't want to work and won't work as long as some people in our government coddle them as they do!

When will this cycle ever end?!

Probably never. See, corporations are people too.

Funny how that worked out.

America Goes to Rehab

Amy Winehouse is dead and buried. Though I liked her singing, I honestly hadn't thought about her since a couple days after her death, until I saw one of those cut and paste Facebook status's decrying the degree of attention paid to her death versus the deaths of Marines in Aghanistan. If you're on FB, you know the drill. If it weren't Amy Winehouse it would  be Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles. I can't cut and paste and I've yet to see a canned status that made me want to learn.

I know their intentions are well meant. I'm just not sure what their intentions are.

Do they want the wars to end? Do they want celebrities to end? Do they want dead Marines to have celebrity status?

I don't know. These status updates seem to transcend party lines. I've gotten them from democrats and from some of the reichest republicans I know. Neither side are in favor of dead Marines and both seem to be not in favor of Lohan and Winehouse but, I suspect they are trying to say something else.

This is not  Sparta. We're not a Warrior Nation even though we do tend to fight a lot and have DOZENS of wars going on right now (according to the republicans...) Though we have men and women fighting and dying overseas,  these kids are not in the forefront of our collective 300+ million minds. Winehouse is no longer in the forefront of those millions of minds either. Damn, we are a fickle bunch! I bet that after the republicans collapse the economy, people won't care about that anymore either.

The thing is, whether it is war or celebrity, life goes on. We've always had both. People being aware of the death of Amy Winehouse does not trivialize the deaths of Marines in Afghanistan. Posting on Facebook about the unfairness of  it all does trivialize it.

Make this your status if you agree....

Cuckold Nation

I used to tend bar with a guy who was, reputedly, a bit a Johnny Holmes in the Penis Department. (That's on the 3rd floor, conveniently located next to Lingerie) One night the cooks made dinner for us and Billy's meal came with a banana protruding from it with (I think) two limes at the base. Huh-what?

"That one's for me" Billy said. "I guess you didn't know I've got a big dick."

"No, man and I don't care" sez I. "I don't work that side of the street!"

Billy was very offended that I might think he was gay but, he was a lover, not a fighter and he could only protest so much. I'd a beat his ass and he knew that. I had already heard stories, mostly from the old man regulars who worshipped him as a God. They called him "The Firehose". At their age, I couldn't fault them for living vicariously through a young stud but, it was really weird to hear them talk about *it*. I didn't. After Billy got fired for stealing, I heard he was taking two girls a night out to his van. This pissed me off. I wondered if he had ever left me or other bartenders in the weeds while he was banging some slut?  Punk.

Billy had a wife and a kid. One night, after doing a 16 year old girl, he brought home a venereal disease. The wife was pissed but, maybe she loved him. She had to know even before that, of his activities. Girls talk about boys. That's how people get reputations. She may have hated it but, she chose to share him with anonymous women, just the same.

One night a gal came into the bar. She was a mousy little thing, about 20 pounds overweight. She was not the kind of gal you'd really give a second look. I was standing in front of her, surveying the lounge area for misfits, when she said this to me:

"So, are you the guy with the big dick"?

I gave her a second look.

I'm not without portfolio but, it crossed my mind that a woman going out for the evening to get the ride of her life might have bothered to wash her hair!

"No", sez I. "He's not working tonight." Then I went off to service some waitresses in the manner in which I was being paid to do.

I was thinking about that girl and Billy after battling conservatives on Topix regarding the hot-button issue of taxing rich people. How do they differ from the mousy little chubby looking to get 5 minutes with the big chubby? How do they differ from the old men and their idol worship? How do I differ from me not beating Billy's punk ass on the principle that he was an amoral, misogynist asshole?

Well, to be fair to me, I'm not an unecessarily violent guy. There was no real reason to beat Billy's ass and there had been quite a bit of fun in punking him out from time to time. Like Topix is now. They also serve who post on Topix and make fun of reichtards. What gets me is people worshipping something they'll never have and vainly defending those that do have, that something. They speak of the rich and the corporations as "job- providers" while neverminding that those jobs tend to be taken offshore as they lay-off Americans to increase profits whilst giving their CEO selves multi-milliondollar bonus's. Somehow these people see this as "earning" such dough. Incredible. "Why" they habitually add, "should these men be penalized for their success?  Why, that is redistribution of wealth and that is communist!

Why such penis envy? Yours is never gonna get bigger. You may win the lottery or invent a longer lasting lightbulb (like GE did!) but, if the wrong color guy is POTUS you're party is only going to fight that new bulb even though your guy signed off on the legislation. Can you not see the insanity of that? Of defending the excesses of the filthy rich and offending the great un-washed? Taking away social services so that the rich can get more and some magical fucking debt ceiling can be lowered is stupid. People who despise welfare, think nothing is wrong with corporate welfare in the form of subsidies to already rich AND powerful corporations. They pretend(?) to feel sorry for them?

Obama is asking simply to go back to the tax rate of the Clinton era. This was lower than the fucking Reagan era! Everyone did better under Bill than Ron and most certainly George. They love to say: "No poor man ever gave me a job!" Well, duh. But, are rich people giving out jobs now? No. They say they will once the Bush Tax-cuts are made permanent but, while they were in effect for ten years, the magical-mystery debt ceiling was raised SEVEN times and we went into the worst recession since The Great Depression. Fucking terrorists they are. Too smart to fly their (tax deductible)  corporate jets into buildings though but bent on destroying America, just the same.

Sigh. Wake up republicans!. You are that mousy little woman at the bar looking to get fucked. You have been rode hard and put away wet by the men you want so badly and you're hoping for more! Unlike that gal at the bar, back in the day, you will....

Oh, and republicans, wash your hair! Sheesh.

It was an honor to be nominated.....

I last saw Extremely Blonde Susan where she was waitressing at the Cafe Du Monde, on Jackson Square in New Orleans. She hadn't been a serious girlfriend of mine but I liked her and-well- she was extremely blonde. Good looking too. A young Doris Day comes to mind. I stopped for coffee.

Booty calls hadn't been invented yet (and, no, I didn't invent them) but, I was there for that purpose as well. I knew she had an insane roommate, a self-styled Voo doo Queen who had cast a spell on her involving blowing some powder in her face but, that's New Orleans. Needing a roommate myself, I thought we might unite and conquer, at least for another evening.

Susan wasn't in favor of living with me. I think she could deal with the witch and- let's face it- living together and fucking is kind of a commitment. We were both too young for that Friends With Benefits thing which I also failed to invent that day.

However, she was not at all against having sex with me. She just wanted to be paid for it.

She was looking to get into porn and wanted me to join her. It was magazine porn, of the $20 a book variety. I could make love to her and other women and get paid for it. This would seem to be a Ferrerman's dream. Mere mortal men's too.

I declined, shy I guess. I certainly had portfolio and wasn't that shy but, it sounded too structured and weird to me. I had seen the books. Penetration, cumshots and all but with a whole lot of lighting changes and a director. This was not what I was used to I really don't need third party instruction on how to make love. I don't recall if Susan had turned pro yet or if she even ever went through with it. We lost touch and I never saw her again after that. I think about her every time it snows though....

And I thought about her when I read about a gal who particpated as an extra in one of those "college party sex" things. I had been wondering what kind of money could be made in porn these days when anybody with a camera phone can be a porn producer and anyone with genitals could be a star. The girl wasn't paid and did not participate beyond cheering the actual participants. She said it was a bunch of phoney bullshit. Jenna Jamison might be the last *star* I ever heard of and might be the last mainstream star ever. I don't know- I'm not an expert. I recall reading that old school porn gals could draw lines- no facials, race-mixin,- anal, etc. If you've looked lately, they just must not object to anything! Sheesh- even a jaded Ferrerman is shocked! Back in my non-existant porn day, Extremely Blonde  Susan and I wouldn't have done some of that stuff for money or in the privacy of our homes.

The world has changed. I'm glad there are no pictures of me like that for my (future) or anyone else's grandchildren to see. What are these people thinking?

Let's run it up the flagpole!

The City Council of Eugene, Oregon is debating whether to recite the Pledge of Allegiance before every meeting. Is that necessary? I mean is it necessary for grown men and women to recite a pledge, to flag and country, everytime they get together? Why is a political party that rails against BIG GOVERNMENT whining about people not worshipping government enough? Just what exactly do they have in store for us should they be sucessful in their bid to overthrow the Obama regime?

I think it's a mixed signal they are sending. You can't walk around saying out of one side of your mouth that government shouldn't be Mr Bossy-pants and then, out the other, complain that the current administration isn't bossy enough.

I *get* the part where they want there job and power back. That's politics. The losing party has to look shocked and say: "Dammit- these guys aren't doing any of the things we didn't elect them to do!" The second place finishers have to disagree with EVERYTHING the first place champions do. For example, the other day Obama cured cancer. You'd think the teapublicans would be happy about that because they get cancer too. But, they weren't.

"Obama hates funeral directors and cemetaries!" they cried. "Doctors too!" they added. Foxnews called him "The job-killing-cancer-murdering-one-term-president!" And that was just to introduce a report about flooding in North Dakota.

I made that up. He hasn't cured cancer yet but, I think I fuckin' nailed the future teapublican/Fox reaction should it ever happen.

The point is, in the second-place finisher quest to get back in front, a lot of stupid things are said. The stupidest of all might be the all-encompassing "small government".  We're going to shrink government. Stand at attention and sing while we do it! We're rugged individualists here in America. recite this pledge of allegiance. Or else....

Their idea of shrinking government is cutting out any social services- anything that costs money but doesn't get you and/or a crony richer. If there were millions of dollars to be earned by privatizing welfare (for example) I could garaunfuckingtee that there would always BE welfare. Privatization is not on the table, of course, so that's just food for thought. I hope... I don't want to give them ideas that they already likely have. The right always likes to say that government should be run like a business, as if that ensured success. The malls are full of the ghosts of business past. Cutting social services would save tax money. I suppose it would save mega billions. It wouldn't lower your taxes though. That money would go elsewhere. Where exactly? They haven't said. It just wouldn't go in the pockets of those crack-smoking-liberal-leeches! That's all we need to worry our pretty little heads about anyway. Just move along....nothing to see here....OH! Look at that!

Be careful what you salute, America. Be wary of what you sing about. Be extra wary of those who tell you what you must salute or sing about. Just, be wary.