Reality Check

A few notes about so-called reality TV. I'm not a regular viewer, but the Discovery Channel show, "Alaska: The Last Frontier" stars the father of real life entertainer, Jewel. I had no idea. The shows kinda fake in that the participants live outside of Homer, Alaska and while they farm and fish and hunt for food, if they need anything, they can just drive into town for groceries. The narrator always implies the folks will die if they don't get a moose to carry them through the winter but, that's not quite true. They live pretty much like a lot of farm families in the lower 48 might live. It's pretty common for hunters and fishermen to bring home what they kill or catch. But, ya know, most folks depend on the Piggly Wiggly to survive.

Another Alaska show; "Alaskan Bush People" turns out to be pretty damn fake too because because a family living on five acres in a subdivision is not quite roughing it in the bush. I learned about this when I saw that the stars- the Brown family- were busted for fraud involving the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend which goes to full-time Alaska residents from a deal they cut with the oil companies exploiting oil reserves, back in 1976. It varies but the year involved was $1,884 just for living in Alaska. And that's whether you're a Palin or a normal person. But the emphasis is on full-time. If you live out of state or leave for more than 180 days without a good reason, you don't get the cash. Evidently this family did fudge a little. The show is pretty weird. The family is pretty weird. The kids all talk with odd accents which, at first, might make you think they talk that way because they were raised in the wild and only learned to talk from each other and from forest animals, not TV like the rest of us. I noticed too that they dress more homeless than ready for an Alaskan winter like you'd suspect. If you're really out trying to survive in the bush- on purpose- I'd recommend at the the Carhart starter kit. I believe winter comes early and often to most of Alaska and these people dress like they are in Arkansas. Well, they are not in Arkansas but they are not living in the bush of Alaska either. Just sorta visiting, I guess.

Alaska dominates the reality TV landscape because of that state's generous tax advantages for the film industry. Like Vancouver, Canada stands in for New York and other American cities because they welcome film crews, Alaska welcomes them too. They may show people living like folks you know in Iowa live, but, Alaska is much prettier what with mountains, moose and all. Plus it's possible to get eaten by a bear, You can stretch the truth in Iowa too but, with mountains in the background people might not notice as much.

Evidently "Amish Mafia" is still on the air. Though not filmed in Alaska, it too features people who talk a little odd. There ain't no goddamned Amish Mafia with Amish thugs running around with AR-15's and shaking down their brethren in protection rackets and warring with Mennonites for control of the Shaker furniture market. It's just a dumb show that was funny for a couple episodes but lasted something like 4 or 5 seasons. They try so hard to portray it as real that you'd think it was something important like brother and sister *twins* who post on Topix. Yeah, it's that fucking stupid.

Ax Men takes a lot of liberties with truth, if not safety violations. I looked at some message boards discussing it and the logging community seems to think the stars are a poor representation of the reality of loggers. I'm no logger but, I'm inclined to agree. I reckon that if any of the outfits in the Northwest were serious businesses, they'd act like it and probably wouldn't mess with the show and might have better equipment. The participants on the show range from tough and ruthless to rough and toothless. Mostly the latter. The folks that find the long lost logs in the swamps and rivers down south all seem like they missed the cut for the gator-killing' shows. It coulda gone either way for some of them.

I looked at the Mike Holmes, "Holmes On Homes" the other night. Since my well-publicized feud with Nicole Curtis ended so bitterly, I thought I'd get a new favorite blonde. I don't think it's going to work out. He does good work and he doesn't seem at all fixated on subway tile and rescued floors like Nicole, he is more focused on mold. (That may be spelled mould in Canada. Not sure.) Mike seems like a nice guy but the show seems kinda hokey. My guess is it's all insurance work because he seems to find people who have been so abused by contractors that they literally have no recourse but to pay him thousands of dollars to undo and/or finish what others did not complete. He does seem to help people who are seriously stressed emotionally and financially. He doesn't hang out at Lowes to give *random* people their new kitchens/baths/yards. Nor does he restore old houses on the cheap in sketchy neighborhoods like the other blonde. I looked at a site where folks were noting that they never see Holmes swing a hammer. Well, he's got people who do that for him. I do not doubt he has a hammerin' background but I'm thinking his show is a fraction of what he's got going on in the home-fixing business.

Finally, "Dual Survival". Barefoot Cody is gone. If you never saw the show, he was kind of a hippie, desert survivalist who doesn't wear shoes, like ever. I think he only wore shoes once when they were in the mountains in two feet of snow. Frankly, I found that annoying. I just don't admire hard-headedness in a person. There was some drama about Cody refusing to do something in an episode. Maybe it was putting on shoes. His partner is one of those guys who seems to eager to drink his own piss. The guy, Joe, is also possibly given to embellishing his 'special forces' background, from what I heard. Cody's first partner evidently did that too. Lying. Now, that is reality!