You don't say! You don't say!

Sometimes a telemarketer will call while I have company and, rather than hang up or cuss them out (mean, BTW, if you're scoring at home) I'll instead just listen and periodically say, "You don't say?" By the time the marketer has given up, I might have said (nothing but) "you don't say" at least a half dozen times. Invariably, if the Gods are willing and the stars are aligned, my guest will ask: "Who was that?"

I don't know...he didn't say! Hilarity ensues...

Silly, eh? But, "you don't say" is a pretty good way to be on the internet. It's not foolproof and it isn't the best segue in a blog post and it might not be the best title for one either but, it will do for now.

You don't say where you live and where you work and such on the internet because, you don't want creepy people knowing that sort of personal info, right? Everybody knows that. Right?

I don't know that that's a real threat. There are certainly many creepy people on the internet but, for the most part, I don't know how truly dangerous they are. My stalker, for example, has posted my name about one hundred times. I'm sure s/he has shared it with others via PM's and e-mails. Nobody has killed me yet. If they do, they'll most likely be caught and give up everybody involved anyway. Even if they didn't, they've left an electronic trail. These trolls aren't criminal genius's. They just make the mistake of thinking they are. They want you to make that mistake too.

I'm surprised at how little they know about me. They just ballpark everything. Then it's a combination of basic facts that you provide and extrapolations off of that. Like: "I got a parking ticket!" becomes: "HE DID TIME FOR MURDER!" Shit like that. Really. I've had posters put it out there that I had been in jail. No times, dates, charges or anything like that. Just the letters spelling out that- to their knowledge- I had done time... that's all they knew....could I confirm or deny that?

"When did you stop beating your wife?" is alive and well on the internet.

Never mind people finding out real stuff about you. They are more concerned with what bullshit they can make up about you and who they can get to believe that.

The sixth grade is alive and well on the internet.

You are supposed to deny everything, I guess, so that someone can wink and say, "Well, he would deny that, now...wouldn't he?"

The Upright Ladies Guild of Snootyville is alive and well on the internet.

I follow the teachings of former co-worker, Larry Mysterioso, and instead of lying and making shit up, I just don't give many solid, personal details about my life. I don't have a back story to keep track of. Life's a lot easier that way. People will accept a combat veteran of Vietnam as gospel but, gossip about a divorce, especially one that wasn't that unusual is to be cherished. It's just odd what people believe. I can make a thousand posts about "...the ladies calling me Two Nines" and some people won't believe I even have a dick- well, except a small one for photographic purposes to send to fake therapists...

No offense to women really, as the biggest offenders that come to mind on my corners of the internet are (alleged) males. Sambillycrunchykevinsub are the nastiest kitties on the net. They hiiiisssss at Ferrerman quite a bit. Not enough to make me cry but, that does seem to be the objective. I wouldn't drink with these guys, in real life. Have you seen the price of milk these days? When it'd be my turn to buy, those saucers would be expensive!