JAY_LEE IS AWESOME!

Well, maybe. I don't know. I don't actually know her. To me, she's just one of the dregs, one of the ninnies, who post on Topix. She has a blog which I read this morning but, evidently, it's not a Ferrerman friendly blog and I was not able to post a comment on it. (Which is interesting in itself. It seems that all these dregs who have made me their enemy have blogs and they all are deeply offended that I screen the comments made on my blog. I do this simply to weed out the riff-raff but they see it as "cowardly". Hmmm, the people that call me "cowardly" are the same people who require "invitations" simply to view their blogs. You have to be part of the gang. Well, everybody has a blog like that only they call it "e-mail". The comment feature also means that people can communicate with me without revealing their identities to others. Some members of that gang choose to agree with me about some things and they would rather not incur the wrath of the powers that be. I DO understand that. And, thanks to 3e, I do have to screen for vulgarities as well as personal info about others. I've got a folder with her comments in them called "E's rants". But, MY blog is still open to the public so, nannie-nannie boo-boo! )

But, this is about Jay_Lee's awesomeness. Kid, you might be awesome; you might not be. This is not the call of someone who has never met you, to make. If your friend's think you're awesome, and if we are talking about your in real life friends, you might be awesome. But, if it's people on the internet, you might not be awesome. If it's people who don't have living, breathing, real-life contact with you, you might not be awesome. I'll tell you why.

Haven't you noticed that all the regular's are awesome? All are beautiful or handsome? The girl's are all hot and the guy's are all hunky? See a pattern?

These are platitudes. They are given out with the regularity of bubble tea and cookies. And they have the same emotional nutritional value as internet goodies. You should give this the same weight you would if they told you that you sucked, were a loser or- oh my gosh- a troll.

It doesn't mean shit.

Remember, I was part of that happy-fun club known as the regulars. I was handsome, hunky and maybe even awesome. I was asked to come offshore before I had the vaguest notion of what that was all about. I declined. I'm like Groucho Marx in that I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member. This is not for lack of self-esteem. I'm fairly well stocked up on that. It's simply that I'm not a joiner by nature and I didn't see anything to actually join. It seemed like a relatively harmless, fun bunch of posters compared to other aspects of Topix but again, what's to join? You make a post and others either respond or they don't. It's open to the public, even Ferrermen.

Now, am I no longer handsome, hunky or even awesome? I don't think that I ever really was. I know that none of the regs- not knowing me at all- were qualified to make those calls. In real life, though not as young and pretty as I used to like to think I was, I'm still relatively handsome but, i don't think I was even hunky at 19. I've been awesome but, we shouldn't go there right now.

The point is, you should not let platitudes from strangers- no matter how well you think you know them- define you anymore than you should let the slings and arrows of other people, define you. It's indeed nice that at this period in your life when you are down, people are telling you you are awesome and that they love you but, is it helping? You are depressed. These people are telling you to cheer up. If you were a drug addict they would be like Nancy Reagan and tell you to just say "no". You already know how hard your life is. People telling you that you're awesome will not fix that. You live in the south. You know what "bless her heart..." means.

The only person that can make you happy is you. I bet you don't lie to yourself and tell you that you are awesome. You know better. You're just a person, just a woman trying to be happy in life, trying to make it. Well, welcome to the club. Except for the woman part, that's me! And everybody else in this world. We're all in this together but, when we lay down to sleep at night, we are alone no matter whom may lay beside us. The most difficult person- and the easiest- to live with is ourself. Don't fret about love. It may never happen. You already know the truest love, the best love, is your child. Your happiness lies in her happiness. Everything is just life and must be dealt with as best we can.

That's all I've got. That's all you need to know. I hope this clears that up.