We've all had them. You may never have a troll on the internet but, everyone has had a real life troll. We're not really talking about stalkers here, just creepy idiots that we work with or sorta know socially, who, like internet trolls, tend to get a little... obsessed.
The great thing about real life trolls is they have a 100% punchability factor that internet trolls don't have. I was remembering one this morning while I prepared for another episode of idiot bosses. Danny Jerkface (not his real name) came to mind because I was thinking of 162 IQ Lou. Without a 162 IQ Lou, you don't have a Danny Jerkface for very long. When I worked with Danny he was a kid, barely 21, who had claimed far more experience to our boss, Lou, than was possible. Lou was the kinda boss that, whoever lied to him first, lied to him best. You might know the type. All bosses love snitches whether they admit it or not. Snitches make the job easier for lazy bosses. Beyond snitching though, Lou cherished guys like him who shamelessly embellished their skills.
When I met Lou, I was with a couple of other new hires. The way Lou talked about the job at our orientation I suspected he knew very little about painting. One of the guys had noticed on his way into the shop that day that Lou had the same last name as the VP of the company, whose picture hung in the lobby. Yes, 162 IQ Lou admitted, David was his brother but, that is not why he had this job....
But, of course, it was exactly why Lou had the position. He went on to say (among other things) he had had his own bridge painting company but had lost it in a bitter divorce.... Turned out he had never actually been married and, painting bridges is serious work that his dumbass could never, ever do. I guess it sounded good to him though when one of the voices in his head suggested it.
So, Lou admired liars like Danny and a few others because, they sang the song of his people.
One day we were at break, shooting the breeze about nothing in particular, when all of a sudden Danny says to me:
"Maybe your family loves you and maybe your wife and kids love you, but,,,no one in this company likes you!!!!"
Well, whatever we had been talking about, it wasn't anything like that. It was a very odd segue and I pointed that out though, no one else at the table knew what a segue was. I think they pictured the transportation.
So, Danny was mad at me for some reason and that had been his opening salvo and it was totally unexpected. And, like a typical ad hominem attack, it didn't warrant a rational defense. So, well-versed as I am in warfare, I relied:
"Well, Danny, I guess the next time I get in trouble, I'll just rat out Bob...."
See, that's what Danny had done recently. He was a bit sensitive about being a rat-fucking prick. I exploited that.
And- boy- the little rat-fucker was so mad he couldn't talk! I thought for sure he was going to come at me. He looked that mad.
But, fisticuffs weren't to be. Danny was a pussy and my return verbal-volley had knocked him back on his heels. He never said another word and slinked off the job later that day. I would have cheerfully kicked his young ass even if it meant getting fired for fighting. I could always get a job, When Danny left the company, he got a job changing tires at a tire store for half what he had made painting. No one else but Lou would have put up with him for long. We were un-fucking Danny-shit for months after he left.
Isn't that the way it always goes? Those who can, do. Those who can't, troll. The same people who make you their enemies on the threads are the same people who do so in real life. The one thing I respected (sorta kinda) about Danny was that, though it was a ridiculously lame taunt, he said it to me live and in person. Internet trolls won't ever do that. Danny was a live-action pussy but he at least didn't phone it in that day. Trolls today can literally phone in their cowardice, if they have a phone with internet. They still do the same shit though....
"Ouch! My family doesn't love me?! Oh no...."
All the knowledge in the world at their finger tips and they use the computer to get bitch-slapped by a Ferrerman!
5 comments:
S/he riles very easily! S/he can keep trying but, s/he'll never measure up.
Well, I'll post again but for some reason you think I am that ass Michael M. of Houston. I am not! That fucker is so mentally deranged with multiple issues I don't know if he knows if he is coming or going.
A. On one hand he romances an assortment of woman on the Internet. He's had at least 4 here in American Apple Pie, DondoDork, Crazy Beautiful and Nevermissed. Who does that??!! What's that tell you? I can "maybe" see 1 but 4??!! He cant get it IRL!
B. Then on the other hand, he is Topix's BIGGEST stalker with countless stored links to things people have posted from as far back as 6 years ago. When engaged, he goes through his rolodex like a moron, looking for quotes to link. WHO GOES TO THAT EXTREME?! Online lover and fighter?? Same time?
Did you catch a glimpse of his Col Angus Sutton avatar before it was shit canned? He looks like a dwarfed John Gruden, only angrier.
Like I said, within one week of posting with this guy he got so angry at me for besting him with every post he got brave enough and tough enough to post HIS location in Houston at some dumpster site for me to come and meet him face to face LOL. That's brave LOL!! He called me out to take time out of my schedule to fly to Houston to face him because he was mad at me. LOL. Loco on multiple accounts. Obviously, I don't take Topix THAT seriously and just overlooked it. If he wanted to meet me he can come and see me.
He IS YOUR STANDARD internet tough guy. Talk trash to you but he wouldn't say a word in your presence. Pussy, pussy and big fat pussy is he.
Geno
No, i never really too seriously entertained that you were that cocksucker, Michael. To be ferrer, it being the internet, I'm only certain of myself, Hegel and a few co-conspirators. Even you might marvel at how stupidly layered these onions are. It's obscenely ridiculous. But, Topix keeps them off the streets of Wherever, USA- I hope. Michael's more disturbed than most but he's also quicker to melt down and to lose. He just does it over and over again. Of course he wasn't going to meet you to fight. He's a movie fan, he surely saw "Fight Club". He just can't stop beating himself up.
For me Kevin was the all time Uber King of Topix Creeps. 'Roll Over and Scratch My Tummy' Crunchy Bacon is just sad and needy. But yeah, what's up with that fellow from Houston? he is one sick fuck. Do you think he's some kind of unsub? maybe a basement boy? Ever see the documentary 'Crumb' about the cartoonist R Crumb? he had a basement brother who was arrested for exposing himself to a bank teller. Maybe it's the same guy.
The other day Houston put up a bunch of links that were hosted by a drop-in photo site. All that trouble and the thread went right past him without so much as a boo. Flame Failure? You bet! Like how many times can he post a photo of you at a baseball game? It's not as if everybody, friend and foe alike, hasn't seen it a gazillion times.
I think he fancies himself an unsub. Evidently he's been at this for as long as there's been a Topix? Yikes. Just maybe 5 years of dedication to me though He's quite obsessive about that pic. He's probably upset that the film "Saving Mr. Banks" wasn't about his picture-posting skills at all!
He's a lot like Crunchy Bacon. Makes one wonder why these unsubs are so redundant and why they so often forget to look up.
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