This one's on The Ferrerman

Here's a curious piece from NPR.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/03/03/285307535/mens-drinking-isnt-the-driver-of-sexual-aggression-in-bars?utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=npr&utm_campaign=nprnews&utm_content=03032014

I understand what they found but I think it's still often a matter of men being liquored up that leads to their sexual aggressiveness. I base this on 15-some years of tending bar and being a dude. So, I think it's both.

MY policy when I tended bar was to ask the intendeds of gift round if they were receptive to the idea. This policy was in effect for men as well as women. Most of the time it was a formality since most people like free drinks no matter who is buying. However many women did not want to be beholding to just any guy who might buy them a cocktail so I asked and pointed out the suspects as a courtesy. More often than not, the lady or ladies were receptive of the freebies despite the guys being scumbags. Ya just never know but, some women just don't care. For some every night is ladies night. The first Mrs Ferrerman used to go to bars where, after every other drink, they'd take you out into the parking lot and fuck you! Free! Never on the nights when I went there though...

But, I digress... One of my early experiences tending bar was bringing a beer over to a drunk guy named Jerry from another regular at the other end of the bar. It was probably a set up. I was new but I knew Jerry was a drunk and I figured he liked beer, so.... What I didn't know was that Jerry was also an asshole who drew the line at anybody buying him a drink. I put a draft beer in front of him and announced that it was from whoever. Jerry lit in to me like nobody's business. I was quite taken aback. He was kind of aloof but had never been hostile before. How could a free beer set anyone off?

Like I said, he was a drunk. He always stood at the bar. Well, until he fell. That happened a couple of times. Over the years a several male customers would opt to stand at the bar. It's a macho thing and kind of old school drinking too. You never saw stools in the cowboy movies. You belly up to the bar. Jerry felt like as long as he could stand, he could drink. And he would buy his own drinks...His parents had bought him a transmission shop franchise across the street. Here's a business, son. Don't lose it!

We had words. I don't recall what those words were but the gist of mine probably were fuck you, you don't fucking talk to me like that, motherfucker, exclamation point. I was twenty. I was also new to the business. My boss advised me later that I needed to be more thick-skinned as a bartender. He understood and he was right. Jerry had half-assed apologized and explained himself not too long after it happened and that was that. No blood, no foul. My boss, Nick, was right and Jerry was an asshole and it WAS good policy to ask first. Of course, when Jerry bought rounds, he wasn't at all happy that I made a point of asking his intendeds if they were receptive to a round from Jerry but, ya know what- fuck Jerry. It wasn't his bar.

Liquid balls and stalwart alcoholic standards aside, common courtesy calls for the bartender to ask if someone wants another drink. Male or female, they may not have time for, or even want another drink. Believe it or not, many people know their limit. And they may not want to be beholden to strangers who may have ill intent. So, I always asked. Ninety percent of the time, even pretty girls accepted drinks from scumbags. And probably 99% of the time the buyers were OK with my having asked. Every once in awhile someone would want to go all Jerry on me and declare: I didn't ASK- I TOLD YOU..." I always calmly explained that it was my policy and my bar. That's just the way it was.

It's the way it should be. Yes, NPR, it's kind of a no-brainer that men buy women drinks to loosen their inhibitions up. It was part of my job to look after my customers. Better the wannabe drink buyer be angry at the asshole bartender who doesn't know his place than the stuck up bitches who are too good to have a drink with a couple of swell guys. The bartender can handle it. Someone has to be in control- otherwise it's chaos.