COCK BLOCKED! BY A LESBIAN?

"What are, 'things that can only happen to a Ferrerman'"

"Correct!"

"Potent potables for $600 please...."

We'll get back to Jeopardy! later. Right now, yeah, as near as I can figure, I was once cock-blocked by a lesbian. I have no idea why. The other girl was a lesbian too. They were cousins as well. Yeah.

"bow-chicka-wow-wow...."

Nope. Colbie- maybe, but, I really didn't think I was eligible. Alicia- no. I knew I wasn't eligible and I was fine with that.

I knew we had two lesbians on the job but I didn't meet them until several weeks into the new company. we had been on a hiring binge just prior to this recession and most of our new hires were Central Americans. Mi Espanol es asi asi pero me ingles es perfecto! I saw these two from about 50 feet as I approached the shop that morning and I thought, great, they finally hired some Americans! Short ones but, Americans nonetheless.

Upon closer inspection (not THAT close!), I figured out they were the company lesbians. They both had that butch thing going on with their hair and well, paint clothes don't really flatter a woman's body. I think that went with their territory. Walking with either one of them usually elicted a "Hey fellas" salutation from well-meaning strangers and the girls were tickled by that. Mission accomplished. I recall eye-balling a beautiful young girl in a Kroger in Memphis and thinking that I better not stare too much because her boyfriend looked kinda tough. Her boyfriend, of course, was a chick.I later saw a pic of Alicia's "wife" and she was quite good looking. Colbie's, not so much.

Almost any woman on a construction site is a hot commodity. It's strange but true but you get a couple dozen guys together with no expectation of women, and one shows up, it is as if she is THE only woman on earth. The guts get sucked in and the testosterone begins to rise. A lot of fellas were interested in both the girls. Maybe it was the *challenge* of seducing a lesbian. That and the fact that, having seen some of their wives, making love to a woman who looked like a guy might have been a step up for some. Within the company, both were highly desired.

In fact, I was both hero and villian because many in the company were certain that I had slept with Alicia. They were certain that I had boldly gone where no man had gone before.

Kudos to you, Ferrerman! You fucking prick! One guy- I heard him on her phone- cried when he called her with the revelation that she had fallen in love with "him", that "him" being me.

Great, I thought. Now I get to fight the meanest guy on the crew for not actually stealing his fantasy love and not sleeping with her!

And, of course, I hadn't. But, when some people get an idea about some other people's romance in their head, it STAYS there. Denial becomes an admission of guilt. Same with stone-walling or telling the accuser to "get a fucking life". You are guilty, son....

All of that though, had little to do with the cock-blocking. Alicia was one of the most pathalogical liars I may EVER come across. Her lies, even the outrageous ones, came easy to her. Until I met her, I had never fathomed that a woman might lie about giving birth. Not losing a baby or anything tragic like that to elicit sympathy but going into great detal about having two children that she gave birth to. Jeez- a woman tells me she has two kids- okay! Even if she is a lesbian, I know these things happen and I sure know how and why. Now I think this girl might have had kids she didn't even know about....

One kid was her brothers. He was in jail, the baby mama had a crack problem and Alicia had custody. This I learned from folks who knew her better than I. The other was via her *wife* who, hadn't yet switched teams when she became pregnant. Well, why didn't she say so? An aunt stepping up to the plate for her brothers child is an admirable thing to do. A young gal getting pregnant and later discovering her true sexuality, is pretty common as well. I would have thought I had already proven myself to be a man who would not pass judgement. Why children come into this world is not as important as the simple fact that they are, here. The drama was not necessary.

Colbie was not that sort of liar. Alicia portrayed her though as hell on wheels. Get drunk in a bar and fight the biggest man. Whup his ass too. She too had a son from a marriage (I think) to a man who brutally beat her. How could she be both victim and aggressor? That was confirmed by others on the crew who knew her better than I. We rarely worked together. When we did, she was polite but quite shy around me. I was beginning to see the semi's driving through the gaping holes of Alicia's stories and I figured Colbie, being a lesbian was not very comfortable around straight men. How to relate? Well, we had the same tastes in women....

The rumor mill that runs every job everywhere belatedly told me that Colbie had had a crush on me. What's not to like about a Ferrerman- forget that part! We don't have all day here, even though we do.

I wasn't all that attracted to Colbie but, yeah, her instead of Alicia. In fact, when I began that last big job for that company and my boss gave me Alicia and a black guy, Marcus, and told me to fire them both, I asked for Colbie in exchange. I wasn't gonna fire Marcus- I liked the guy. I knew though that Alicia was nothing but trouble for me personally and at that time, I would have loved to see her gone. Story for another day but, my genius boss wanted me to fire BOTH of them, and be given NO ONE to replace them. We were busy at the time....

Following orders will usually get you killed if you know the boss is an idiot so, I took Alicia under my wings citing The Godfather adage about keeping one's friends close and one's enemies closer. I may have mentioned that wisdom before. IT NEVER FUCKING WORKS!! EVER!!! Don't try it at home or at work. There's a reason enemies are enemies.

Long story short, I got played by Alicia. You knew that quickly and I've long since known that. The thing is, I don't know *why* and the other thing is, it doesn't matter *why*. It doesn't matter if Colbie was crushing on me and it doesn't matter why Alicia cared and manuvered to stop it. Ours is not to make sense of the insensible. Colbie was not to be the love of my life. Likewise, I wasn't gonna be hers. It's better if two people can figure that out for themselves but, that isn't always up to us.

I hope Colbie finds a nice guy- or girl- someday. She's a sweetheart.

I wish I had fired Alicia.