What's in a name?

I worked with a bartender years ago who, when he proposed to his girlfriend, he asked her to be his first wife. I thought that was a little brash (if not way too honest) especially considering that her father was a street level (i.e. working) mob guy. I assume that he knew what he was getting into and that she did as well and that, dear old daddy-in-law to be did also. I don't recall how long these kids were married but, it wasn't too long and I'm pretty sure he wasn't forced to dig his own grave in a cornfield so, it likely worked out for all concerned.

Very few of us enter into relationships knowing that they are terminal. You might not be thinking of Silver Anniversaries after a dozen dates but you're probably not thinking about child support and lawyers either. Marriage and these ensuing difficulties just sorta happen in time. It's considered bad form to contemplate them or discuss them. Well, except in Hollywood.

When I met my ex-wife, she was on the rebound from a guy named Asshole! That wasn't his real name, mind you, but it's the pet name she had given him after their break-up. (Right now, the millions of women who read this blog are saying: "I know that ASSHOLE! His ex dated him!?" No, it was some other Asshole! Your's was taller. This Asshole! was 5'8" and a mechanic. You don't know him...)

Anyway, I swear to god that it WAS in the back of my mind at the time that one day, MY name would become ASSHOLE! Knowing me, I probably endeavored to persevere so as to NOT get my name changed to ASSHOLE! in the event that things didn't work out between us.

Damn the luck. I became, ASSHOLE!, despite my good intentions and more than ten years later, I still am.

I think about this whenever I hear women talk about their exes and they refer to them as ASSHOLE! or Fuckwith or any other perjoratve. I always wonder, is there a good guy listening to this- someone new that they are dating or some guy who's thinking of dating them? Does it occur to the new guy that he's a future Fuckwith like it occurred to me? Or does he, also like me, think that THAT won't be his name...ever...

Talking bad about one's ex on a date is one of the worst things a man or a woman can do. Yet, everyone does it. You at least have to provide some explanation of your past to explain why you're at dinner with this new person and not at home with the old one. It's productive to illustrate where ya'll went wrong. This gives the new person some guidance in where you want to go with them and, also important, where you DON'T want to go with them. Referring to your ex as ASSHOLE! or Fuckwith is a show of bad form. All things being equal fellas, we can also do without Slutface and The ****! Whorebait, however, is somehow acceptable. Who knew?

Just always keep it in the back of your mind when dating: There but for the grace of god will go I... And treat the server as if they were a human being for that is the biggest teller of the future this side of Nostradamus.