Oh Canada!

Within seconds of the USSC decision regarding healthcare, dumbasses all over America took to Twitter, announcing their intentions to flee to Canada.

Now, you, me, and the Canadians know that, as far as socialism goes, Canada doesn't play. They do! Our idiots evidently don't know this. They look at Canada and see white people and snow and assume it's chock full o' guns and republican values as if it were a suburb of Sarah Palin's Alaska. Nope.

It turns out that Canada is far more advanced than we are when it comes to socialized medicine, gay marriage, guns, and such things that set us in a tizzy, any given news cycle. They seem like very thoughtful people to me. Perhaps a more refined version of us if not a possible glimpse into our future- if we try...

Canada's major exports are hockey players, HGTV 'fix-it' shows and actors. William Shatner, Dan Ackroyd, Mike Meyers and thousands of others all are Canadians. Mike "Make It Right" Holmes is Canadian! Maybe 80% of the NHL is Canadian. Hockey is their sport, eh? Most of what I know about Canada is from HGTV shows. Except for their kinda gay-looking money, Canada looks like Minnesota to me. In fact, Vancover often doubles for American cities because The Film Board of Canada makes it very easy and economical to make movies and TV shows there. They speak English there, mostly emPHAsizing different syllABles than we do, like PROcess instead of PRAcess. If anyone in Canada does that Bob and Doug Mackenzie "aboot" (as in: "It's aboot time for a beer, eh?") I haven't heard it on "Holmes On Homes". It's a big country so, perhaps Bob and Doug were their Southerners or Bostonians? Their cities and suburbs look like ours though. I'm not being mean when I say they seem to be just like us. I think if you were suddenly dropped off in Canada, you'd think you were 'home' except fot that metric system they thing have. Oh, and Quebec, the reason instructions for our gadgets come with a French section is- surprise!- French. You probably thought this was for New Orleans Cajuns or liberal socialists, didn't you?

They are big on taxes there which I suspect our curiously rebellious Amercia flee'ers are not aware of. Sheesh, people- if you have to flee your country in the middle of the day because something isn't going your way, have a fucking plan! I've been recommending Somalia to republicans for years now. 'Small government'? How 'bout NO GOVERNMENT? Taxes? NO TAXES! Guns? ALL over the place and NO LAW WHATSOEVER! The only downside is black folks. Somalia is full of them and, let's face it, conservative republicans don't like black folks except for Herman Cain and Alan West. Other than that, it's a conservative Utopia.

Canada, is not a conservative Utopia. I think I read the other day that 45% of Canadians are atheists. Yikes. With that and the gay marriage thing, they must get hurricanes all the time! God must surely hate them. They have guns but seem to think they are for hunting rather than keeping lazy liberals from stealing your lawn mower or quieting noisy parties.

"Turn your music down, eh?"

"Sorry, neighbor! How bout a beer, eh?"

"It's aboot time, eh?"

It's a big, open border we share with our northern neighbors. But, I wouldn't be surprised if they were watching our election PROcess closely and planning on building a huge, electrified fence in the event that Obama wins re-election. Mike Holmes can oversee that and, make it right. They don't need 50 million assholes streaming over their border demanding to change their history and take over the government...and make it 'right'...

Looks like we're stuck with them, eh?