NOW HIRING: WANTED- NEW, IMPROVED TROLLS!!!!

This morning I received this from the concerned moderators at Topix:

This is a warning from the Topix moderators. Failure to comply with the Topix Terms of Service will result in your forum posts being removed from the system, and a ban on future posting. (click here to acknowledge this warning)

How about staying away from the "tard" word. Also stop posting to Dr. Dirty. He claims he stopped posting to you and you are the one that kept it up. admin@topix

REMEMBER THE TALKING POINTS!!!!

After Obama's reelection, I took a few victory laps around Topix. It was fun! Honestly, a lot of the teaparty faithful retreated into their bunkers the moment the race was called, cyanide pills and Luger's at the ready. But, others quickly reemerged once they rationalized... that voter fraud (by democrats!) had been the reason for Obama's quick, decisive victory.

As noted here and elsewhere, the second-place finishers have not at all been gracious in defeat. They took it kinda hard.

Part of my victory tour included actually watching Foxnews for a change instead of getting all my Foxnews from Jon Stewart. There's nothing wrong with getting your Foxnews from Jon Stewart. He's really quite fair about how unbalanced they are. But, you have to see some things for yourself so you don't become like Foxnews and cheerfully accept everything you are told.

For the record, the three stooges on "Fox and Friends" are every bit as vacuous and slimey as portrayed on Saturday Night Live and perhaps funnier in real time, portraying themselves.  They truly are idiot puppets. All seem to have trouble reading the teleprompters and should either get glasses or adopt the "LEAN FORWARD"  slogan that MSNBC uses.

Fox takes itself far too seriously. I think they so badly want war with Spain, that they are willing to do anything...

Wait- I said "Spain". I think I meant "Fill In The Blank..." War with Spain was William Randolph Hearst's thing in some other century, back when people were supposed to "Remember the Maine!" Now you just struggle to remember the talking points Fox beats into the heads of it's faithful. Ironically, the talking points are "TALKING POINTS" right now. It is a huge deal with Fox that the enemy administration (Obama and Friends) might not have known every fucking thing that happened at the consulate in Benghazi, at the exact moment it happened and presented it in "talking points"

Talking points are things to talk about. News shows have talking points. Fox, for example, would have talking points about bad things that happen that can be directly associated with Obama and Friends.  They would make a point of talking about things that reflect (deflect?) poorly on the Obama administration if you state everything in a rhetorical tone. Don't you find that odd? How long has this been going on? Why don't they admit it? When did they know this? Why didn't they say something about this sooner? And yada? Yada fucking yada? Well, YADA!!!!

There are a couple of things going on here. For some reason they want to redefine "talking points". Maybe they bought the licensing/ copyrights to it? That might be it. Could be the moneymaker that "Remember The Maine" was.

But, maybe they just really, REALLY hate Susan Rice? John McCain sure does! I think he might be senile and thinking she's either Condi Rice or maybe even Sarah Palin. Whatever, he wants her off his lawn!!!!

That makes as much sense as anything else they are talking about...

If at first you don't SECDEE...

Well, links/schminks. I couldn't conjure up the one of the folks calling for secession from the US with a sign that spelled out: "SECDEE". And, the news of the past few days has been that in more than 30 states, tens of thousands of people have signed internet petitions in a move that they very stupidly believe will allow them to be free of the shackles of socialism that is evidently the US at this very moment under Barack Hussein Obama and will free them to have the ice cream for breakfast that they desire.

They haven't thought this thing through...

Apparently, last week's presidential election didn't go over well with some of the citizens of the red states. They are disgruntled. However, none of these disgruntled citizens is a governor or any sort of elected official empowered- by the Federal government- to set forth any sort of legislative action...to actually secede from the US of A. So, this is the legal equivalent of one of those internet meme's that implore people to 'like' this tinfoil hat-wearing goat to see if it gets more likes than Glenn Beck.

Sheesh. OK, though, it's a statement!

A statement of what though? Stupidity? Duh! We already knew a whole slew of stupid people don't like Obama because yada-fucking-yada, this-that-the other thing and, of course, etc. etc. The list goes on...

You know what is really lacking in this country? A sense of shame. And, spelcheck for everyone. These people have no sense of shame. I'll bet not a damn one of them is ashamed of their anti-American sentiment or the childish, fucking ignorant way they persist in going on about it. Pathetic!

What could happen if these states were allowed to secede  with only a fraction of a percentage of their citizens making that call? Well, this:

http://www.examiner.com/article/states-most-wanting-to-secede-also-receive-the-most-federal-money?cid=PROD-redesign-right-next

Nothing 'good' for them would be the short answer but, maybe lots of good for the rest of us. We could save  hundreds of billions of dollars by letting them go. This would be money that could be used for rebuilding our infrastructure, schools, healthcare... This could be awesome! Cut loose all the whiners. Send all their congressmen home! No FEMA for you! No tax money! No pro sports. Well, no everything they are used to and take so for granted.

We get to keep everything! We'll probably be taxed less too. How'bout that? Without all those dependents down south and scattered about the west, we'll have a lot more cash on hand to spend in a much smaller area. More bang for our bucks. Nice!

We'll really have to do something about our new borders though. There are a lot of nice people living in the Confederacy now and they may seek asylum here. And well they should. We'll make room. Black folks in particular might get a little hinky considering their past historical position in the southern states and the very real possibility that folks down there might once again desire that they pick cotton again, just for room and board! Although, if you know any black folks currently, you probably also know that that ain't gonna fly, this time! Yikes!

So, if the South should go south on us, I'd give them a year. Yes, I know they have nice weather and can grow their own food and they've got guns and they hunt and can string a troutline and all that happy shit. Camping is a lot of fun until you realize it's how you'll live the rest of your life. See, most southerners don't rely on rabbit and deer for their meals. They've done got used to Piggly Wiggly. They like Piggly Wiggly.

Oh well, it's not gonna happen anyway. None of these assholes is going to move to Canada either. Just sour grapes of wrath from the whine country of America. It's another vintage year for those 2nd place finishers.

The Spy Who Loved Storms

As a penis-bearer, I know how these things happen. It doesn't matter how smart or disciplined a man is, as long as he has one, he's eligible to get in trouble. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

I don't know why anyone is shocked about General Petraeus. Well, except for Mrs. that is. And maybe she knew. As much as I know about it, he's a powerful man (CIA Director) and he messed around with a nice looking woman who was writing a book about him. The book's title, by the way, "All In". If that doesn't make you giggle, I don't know what will.

This morning I watched "Fox & Friends" to see what sort of a fuss they were making out of it. I already pretty much knew their spin on it would be, well, off-kilter. They just recently lost an election ya know and they're still trying to lose it. The blonde hostess wanted to know: "What did Obama know and when did he know it?"

The same folks who down-play 'his' having killed Osama Bin Laden (turns out Navy SEAL's did the actual 'killing') seem to expect that he should be The Presidential Peeping Tom and looking in bedroom windows, I guess. They are all over the 'timing' of this story and how it relates to their version of the events in Benghazi which, just hasn't caught on like they hoped it would. They see a conspiracy in that. As far as they are concerned, "Hurricane Sandy" should really have been called "Operation Sandy" as it was most likely a plot to usurp Mitt Rmoney's ascension to the White House rather any ol' weather system. Their other big story is how FEMA and the Obama government are 'failing' with their handling of the storms aftermath. Turns out it's not perfect. Well, shit, compared to Katrina... "WHEN DID OBAMA KNOW ABOUT THIS 'STORM'..."

Sheesh. If these knuckleheads can't comprehend storms, how could we expect them to understand penis's  and their rather obvious fit with lady parts? Storms happen. So does sex. There IS often conspiracy with the latter but, storms general require severe changes in barometric pressure or God being angry with gay people. Something like that.

Much of life is simply ironic timing. Shit happens. It happens when it happens, sometimes with curious coincidence.

Petraeus stepping down as CIA director doesn't mean he can't testify about Benghazi even if Fox thinks it's some kind magic cloak of invincibility available only to 2nd term black democrat Presidents. Nope. The interim guy can testify to the same knowledge as he can. Or, he can. Regardless, neither will testify to the facts as seen by Fox so, more conspiracy after this word from our sponsors...

Fox is very hard to please. They spend years telling the nuts that listen to them that 'big government is evil and YOU don't want it' and then, as soon as people need big government, they complain that people need big government but, it turns out, big government is inept.

Well, Sandy was a big deal. Lot's of damage. It affected millions of people. Such a storm can do incredible damage in such a short amount of time. It can take months to build a house and 30 minutes to destroy it. Such is the timing in life. It takes time to rebuild. Duh.

Fox and their friends should know this. They've been tearing down America daily for years now. We the people keep rebuilding though, despite them and because of them. It's what we do.

Chicken sandwiches falling from the sky

Probably the best internet meme I've seen after the election (and there were billions) noted an episode here that I had forgotten about. Remember the lines at Chick Fil A? Republican haters, in an effort to defeat the gay agenda, lined up to buy chicken sandwiches.

Now, remember the lines in Florida? Those lines were filled with democrats seeking only to defeat the republican agenda by voting. No chickens or chicken sandwiches there. Just voters.

Hard to believe the republicans lost....

They haven't been gracious in defeat. There has been a lot of loose talk about secession and revolution. Donald Trump called for (I think) "A Millionaire March On Washington". I don't know but, he is pissed. Our patriots are really, really pissed about this democratic process of ours! Karl Rove, who hasn't gotten a president elected in several years (he must have peaked with Bush) claims Obama used "voter suppression tactics" to steal the election. Specifically, the tactic was campaign ads. Maybe they should run a few ads next chance they get...

Oh my...Yep, it's all over but the whining. But, saber-rattling? Still?

They've made such noise the last four years. Part of me really thought that, this time, they would just sorta sigh and actually shut the fuck up. But, the better part of me knew that they would not. Many of them really see Obama as 'Manchurian candidate' whose whole goal was to win a second term as president to take over the country... Um, you can't do a coup in the first term? Are their rules about this? Really? A Manchurian has to: (a) get elected and (b) get elected a second time to (c) pull off a coup? Snooze going after that second term and you just don't get that coup.

The problem with the GOP is that, in the political buffet of life, they load up their plates with the dressing and side dishes and appeal to those who like those things as well. They talk about the meat and potatoes but, never really put it on their plate.

They made this election about gays, women, abortion, state's rights, yada-effing-yada and attracted people who were obsessed with the smaller issues in life. I say 'smaller' because most of these issues were already decided long ago. They concentrated on undeciding them. They voted to try and change the past rather than effect the future. Those things weren't exactly on the ballot but they had a candidate that hinted that he would  work to change history.

What the fuck were they thinking? And why were they thinking this?

Well, they believed their own foolish Fox Party hype. More foolishly, they believed everyone else believed it too. Their experts assured a landslide victory in the Electoral College, by Mitt Romney, of 300+ EC votes. A MANDATE! However, Obama- who wound up with 332 EC votes- somehow did not receive a mandate. Go and figure that. Obama also won the popular vote by 3 million. A win is a win and those numbers are pretty damn good.

A lot of experts are saying that the GOP is toast. Some think that they are one slim Chris Christie away from regaining the White House. Maybe. If Chris drops a hundred pounds and they drop the image of him hugging Obama after Sandy, maybe. And Maybe Marco Rubio is the future face of the party. Who knows? A lot can happen in four years. It won't be good unless they try to change.

They need to divorce themselves from their political arm- Foxnews. Dump Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Erase the hate. Leave those assholes to those disjointed Tea Parties. By the way, dump them assholes too! They got you all to second place. That's not winning.

And, yeah, go back in time a bit. Just don't go back there to fight abortion, Civil Rights or The Civil War. Go back to being the republicans that were the GOP up to the Reagan era. Stress that 'fiscal conservatism' stuff. It was bullshit lip-service but it got you in office while being the Party Of Hate just got you runner up. Lose the Xtianity bullshit too. We're NOT a Christian nation by design or 'popular' intent no matter what you think. There is no war on Xmas by the way, unless you fight it.

Just give up all this stupid shit or go the way of the Whigs or the Know Nothings. It's your destiny, not ours. We're moving FORWARD. Perhaps you heard?

The People were Outstanding!

I was a little scared until I saw the long lines in Florida and Ohio...

Whether you watch MSNBC or Fox or The NFL Today, you are watching folks whose job it is to make the game seem better and closer than it really is. They want you watching. They need you watching. It's what they do.

Chuck Todd. Chuck "Fucking" Todd, as I like to call him, was going on for days about the possibility of a 269-269 tie in the presidential race. Others touched on that too but, it was his thing. Was it a possibility? Sure. Almost anything is possible. I'm graced with exceptional, very- basic math skills and I know that. Life is 50/50, most of the time. Something either happens or it does not. But, the pundits, whose job it is to keep you watching and (hopefully) bringing the station ad revenue, were all over the place with predictions. If you had a prediction of your own, they probably had a man or woman sharing your prognostication.

It's not necessarily a bad thing. If they say it looks like a blow-out, people might stay home, thinking their guy has a lock or no chance in hell. That's kinda human nature. You might drive by an accident and drive on thinking someone else will stop and help. OK. But, if everybody does that, nothing gets done. So, the networks- for the reason of ratings- do serve a purpose when they endeavor to call it close. They make people believe their vote is important, encourage people to get involved.

MSNBC was pretty confident Obama would win but, they cautioned it was going to be close and probably fought in the courts like 2000... Maybe they hoped? They're news junkies. That would be their nirvana. I get my Foxnews from Jon Stewart and Colbert so, I know they were promising a Rmoney victory of the landslide persuasion.

Stupid fuckers. I doubt that affected republican voter turn out but, I don't know that it didn't. I just think it's stupid to get too cocky before the game. They still have to play the game and you have to turn out.

On Election night, I Facebooked and watched a movie. Those first few hours of coverage are a lot of; "...with 1% of the vote in...it's too close to call..." I don't need that when I can be sorta watching Matt Dillon chase bank robbers while joking with my friends. I turned on Jon Stewart, who was doing a live show, when I noticed that Ohio- which had been deemed THE most important state EVER in THIS election in the Power Rankings- had been called...FOR OBAMA!

What the? At 10:15??? I had been told by Chuck "Fucking" Todd that this would go on for days, weeks... because of Ohio. I mean- this was great but, what the what?

I switched over to MSNBC and they seemed as stunned as I. Happy but- what the what? Then word came out that Karl Rove was on Fox disputing the whole Ohio thing because it flew in the face of everything he had predicted and worked so hard for. And, ya know, that lasted about five minutes. The very spankable (but sadly crazy) Megyn Kelly walked through the studio and asked the numbers geeks at Fox if they were certain of the outcome in Ohio. Yes, yes they were. Perhaps Megyn isn't as crazy as I suspect because she returned, sat down with Rove and asked him if maybe this wasn't something he wanted to believe because he's a republican? OUCH!

Yours truly knew all along that Obama should win. We all know he had accomplished A LOT in his first four years and done it without ANY help from those awful republicans who had vowed to make him a one-term president, the moment he had won in '08. And, being a student of the game, I just couldn't see a fucking liar with NO plan other than undoing EVERYTHING his predecessor had done...on his first day and who actually said he could solve the economy in EIGHT TO TEN YEARS(!!!!) beating him. No way.

So, close, maybe. Close enough for them to cheat? Sure. But, we fell for that in '00 when the USSC 'decided' the election and that couldn't happen again. In '00, there was no incumbent. You screw around with this election with Obama in office and things would get ugly. Ugly could be spelled coup.Or Civil War?

So, turns out it wasn't all that close. Obama won by 2 million votes and like 128 Electoral College votes. Fox may not think that's a mandate (and they don't) but, it's TWO MILLION more votes than there guy got  in the popularity contest and a severe spanking in the EC. Bowl. It was a solid victory, indeed.

I knew Obama would win when I saw the long lines. People don't stand in a line for hours to vote for a guy who considers them the lazy, 47% and whose party made it so fucking necessary for them to stand in line to vote because most other forms of suppression had been shot down. No, they stand in line to vote for the man who deserves their vote and who isn't fucking with them.

The people have spoken and they were outstanding!

Close encounters of the Bush kind

I was telling someone the other day that I don't hate George Bush. I didn't hate him in 2000 and I don't hate him now.

Perhaps worse than hate, I pity him. I see him as a fool. I believe that everything he did in his eight, horrible years as president was orchestrated by Dick Cheney and those around Dick Cheney. I'm certain George was stupid enough to think he was in charge, that he was POTUS and master and commander of all he ruled over. He was not. Thus, the pity.

In the early Eighties, I'm pretty sure I 'met' George Bush. I was a bartender at The Petroleum Club of New Orleans. One night, a Club member came in late with a couple of gentlemen. It was Mr. Killian. I knew it would be a much later night than I had figured on.

The Club was a unique bartending experience for me. It was a private club which really was only open for lunch and Club related banquets in the evening. A regular bunch of members played gin in a private room in the evenings and often deep into the next morning. I wasn't allowed to kick them out- no closing time- but, since they didn't really drink a whole lot, we did arrange to let them serve themselves on the honor system so myself and the manager could get on with our lives after ten pm. But, if there were members in the bar area, we had to stay until they were done.

Killian was one of those drunks that always asked for 'just one more'. After a bartender hears that from a guy, he knows knows that 'just one more' is code for, "I'm a drunk! I'll never leave! But, I want you to think I will!" Usually those types are trouble. They want to see how far they can push you. In later venues, seeing trouble on the rise and hearing those promissory words I'd take the wind out of a guys sails by cutting him off. Stunned, they generally turned to begging, pleading for just one more- like they really, really meant it this time...just one more...

When the cocaine came out, I knew it would be a long night. As I approached with just one more round of drinks, I noticed the lines on the table. Killian's guest, looked at me as if to say, "Duh". If he spoke to me, I don't recall. I'll just never forget that stupid, 'what-me-worry' look on his face....I would see it again, later in life, many, many times when a certain president was explaining stuff to us like wars and finances and shit he had just been informed of and we were the dumbasses just now being told.

Honestly, I don't know that it was him. We were never introduced. His daddy was Vice President of The United States at the time but, that never came up. I was young an nowhere near as politically astute as I am now. He was just some anonymous friend of Killian's, drinking, snorting coke and keeping me from going out and doing my own partying. But, it fit. Private club for oilmen. Bush was an oilman. He was known to party...monkey look on face..the eighties....I don't know....

One of the truly great things about New Orleans is strip clubs and hookers. Those were my saving grace that night. The Club was a nice place to booze it up on a tab and maybe do a little blow with no one around but a young, bored bartender but, if you want to show a Texas oilman a good time, Bourbon Street is better choice. Sooner rather than later, they were gone.

A brush with fame? Maybe. I might have caught him at a bad time and, again, it might not have been him. But, with the way he 'ran' the country, did we all catch him at a bad time? Before he became president, George cleaned up his act and quit the booze and coke. Good for him. Can you imagine the mischief he could have gotten into in the White House if he was jacked up on coke and booze? Yikes.

Maybe I don't hate the guy because I might have seen him once being a regular guy. Lot's of people say he was the kind of president you could have a beer with. Well, if he hadn't fucked up and become an alcoholic, that is. He had that 'regular knucklehead' thing going for him.

That's why I don't hate the guy despite his war and financial  crimes. He's an idiot but never has been an in-control idiot. Mitt Rmoney is an in-control idiot. And an asshole. Win or lose, I hate that fucker. I wouldn't even serve that fuckin' prick a cup of coffee.

I think that life after the White House has forced Bush to look back on his two terms, with that deer in the headlights look from reading "My Pet Goat" after 9/11 and caused him to wonder what the hell happened as he sat, stunned, waiting to be told what to do. The defining moment of his presidency.

I'm sure Bush is glad he's out of the spotlight. Glad that, except for a mention by his brother, they do not speak of him at conventions they won't even invite him to. That might hurt a bit but, he must secretly be glad to be left alone. However, he's alone to ponder his eight years and how they affected an entire nation whether he knew it at the time or not. Who knows if he cares? He's not talking. Well, except for a speaking engagement in the Cayman's (where Rmoney keeps his loot) and he'll be addressing rich men whom he likely made richer...

Sheesh, maybe I should hate the sumbitch. Anyway, I'm way ahead on hating Rmoney!

Power To The People?

If you are going to be without power, summer is a pretty good time for this. On the East coast, it's still pretty much Fall so, things could be worse. Most hurricanes happen in warm weather in warm climes and, as much as they suck, once the winds pass and you can wade through flood waters in shorts and a tee-shirt, you can get on with rebuilding your life.

My personal record of 12 days without electricity happened in July several years ago. Air conditioning is one of those luxuries you really miss when it's gone, in Memphis,in July. But, you deal with it. You go outside and catch a breeze. Why be inside? There's no TV or internet. I'm gonna have to say, it wasn't that bad. My job was in Mississippi at the time. They hadn't been hit as hard by the 100 mph straight-line winds as Memphis had so they were very quickly back on line with power. I could gas up, buy cold beer, food and ice to bring home each day. A buddy of mine lived in an oddly blessed part of town that had not lost power then or during a nasty ice storm a few years earlier and I could shower at his place, charge up the phone and look at the wonder of television. That helped. For the most part though, friends and neighbors all in the same boat, sweated and drank beer each evening, wondering when the power would return. It really was a fun time, all things considered.

The folks in Jersey and up and down the East Coast are making the best of a far worse situation though and I doubt they are having too much fun. Hurricane Sandy has been all over the news. Hurricane Elvis that year in Memphis barely got a mention outside of the Mid-South. I would have thought that a city the size of Memphis, with more than 80% of it's citizens without power for days to nearly two weeks might garner more notice than a paragraph in Time magazine but, I'd be wrong. The storm sucked and did A LOT of damage but, nowhere near the death and devastation of Sandy, which, right now stands at 80 dead and 60 BILLION in damages. Yikes!

I wasn't in Memphis for the ice storm but, trying to stay warm in a disaster is far more of a challenge. I did some work for a fella whose treed lot I admired.

"You wouldn't have wanted to be here for the ice storm," he said. "Every crack of a tree in the wind..."

I could imagine. I would have gotten the hell out of the house though, somewhere- anywhere- without ice-laden tree branches overhead. They made it through.

Everything has to be politicized these days. That's the way it is, with all politics being local, Mittens Rmoney can't escape the videotape of him calling for the privatization of FEMA and emergency care. Surprisingly... he recently came off of that stance and now claims that, as CEO of America, he will support FEMA.

No shit. That must be painful for him to say. $60 BILLION in damages equals many, many more BILLIONS in profits for his buddies! By the by, I don't think private emergency companies would actually be running around with credit card swipers, rescuing only distressed folks with an ability to pay, as some foresee. Those job-creating heroes will be billing the FEDERAL AND STATE GOVERNMENTS for their services and you WILL pay for it in taxes. You'll just sleep better at night (if you're of the republican persuasion) knowing that someone is making money off of this and we're that much further away from socialism. Praise the Lord!

Still, I think there will be some of the tier packaging of emergency services that we've already seen in rural areas. If you don't pay your monthly fire department bill in Tennessee for example, the Fire Department will show up to watch your house burn. While there, they will keep the fire from spreading to your neighbors house IF he paid his bill. I talked with a kid who lived outside of Little Rock, Arkansas. His local Police Department has a similar set-up. They refused to come out to his home after a burglary because he was in arrears. They did show up later that week to see if he was ready to pay.

This tea party notion of a nation will surely be a brave new world of survival, eh? Oddly expensive too. I wonder what a President/CEO Rmoney would really do with lesser performing states and citizens. Good god, let's not find out! There could be a lot of storms in our future...