It's nice that they care, but...

Well, I picked up some new readers with my last blog! Yikes! Aside from scores of hits, a leading group of trolls on the Offbeat Forum are still talking about it after an entire weekend of talking about it.

OK- they are not the leading group of trolls on Offbeat. They are THE group of trolls on Offbeat. That's like being the thinnest kid at Fat Camp or the designated liberal on Fox.

Readership or hits always go up after stalker Sam posts the link to this blog in Topix. I appreciate that s/he does that even though Sam does it out of some idiotic belief that this blog is something I tuck underneath my pillow so that no one sees it. That's not the way Blogspot works. Can't tell Sam that though!

Sam even did a cut and paste of the post itself THREE times. For some reason he ended the third one with the name Bex Bailey. I presume that's the real name of the poster Rebecca Of Conyers because it jibes with info other posters have told me. Maybe they are feuding. Maybe Sam is Bex Bailey that's his catch-me-if-you-can taunt because s/he thinks s/he is such a criminal mastermind. I don't know. I just know their obsession has long since gotten old.

Sheesh!

Life Lessons & Blog Fodder

"It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they've been fooled."

~Mark Twain

Wherever I go on the internet, I meet and read stupid people. Honestly, these people tend to be of the republican persuasion. For some, life is not so much a continuing education as it is a continuing indoctrination. For example you can think Barack Obama was born in Kenya. It's OK to ponder such things. But, if after actually thinking about that you still believe that, you are an idiot. Glenn Beck or Limbaugh or any teapublican leaders who say Obama is Kenyan, do not believe he was born in Kenya and ineligible for the presidency. Their job is only to get you to believe it. They get well-paid to fool you into believing what they say is *true*.

Topix is like that too except for the 'well paid' part. And, ya know what? I finally found an idiot democrat!

I guess DaveMC is a real democrat. He argues pretty well in a pro democrat style and he doesn't sound like it's his assigned debate position like the Milwaukee guy does. It is kinda odd, it would seem, that either of these guys get along so well with the Sam's Club/Clique- whatever you might call them-  when all these people are political reichtards. But, I really don't know how seriously most of them take politics. I think that politically, most of them are just assholes and it's easier to troll as a republican than as a democrat or liberal. Try it some time. Try sounding like a dick while saying children shouldn't go hungry if they are poor or their parents are not American citizens. Mitch McConnell is a dick but if he said that, you wouldn't think he was a dick.

Mitch is a dick. Mitch probably knows right from wrong but he realizes that there is more money to be made being a dick. Dave is just an idiot.

Dave believes that I troll women as a gray box, under the names "Mr Wadds" and "Linda The Lonely Widow." He believes this is true because he has been told it is true. Isn't that enough? That would work for you, right?

Well, of course not. The Powers That Be in Dave's life have also pointed out to Dave that both of those trolls post out of suburban Chicago locations! Does it get any more damning than that? I don't know. Maybe...if you don't know about proxy servers or if you think that Ferrerman is the only person in Northern Illinois with a computer. That's all that Dave needed to hear to be convinced. Seriously, that was enough. He heard it from a highly placed source...whom you've already figured out was Wadds-Linda itself.  Dave is never going to figure that out. Remaining a fool means never having to admit you are one.

My guess is Billy R told him. He has told ME several times that I was those two troll names. It's one thing to tell me that you think I am someone. That's your fucked up opinion. But, it's quite another to tell me - in no uncertain terms- that I AM and you KNOW I am. That's just fucking stupid.

Is this important? No. I don't even read Wadds or Linda and wasn't aware of *them* until I read that I was accused of being them. No intelligent person on the face of the earth believes I am these gray  box troll names. Only idiots do. So, no, it doesn't matter. But, it's very, VERY important to some asshole on Topix that as many idiots as possible believe that I am. Isn't that weird? It's not like it will save rich people money or anything important like that. And, frankly, it's not going to help the asshole win Topix either. There is no end game on Topix. Cockroaches will still be posting on Topix after Armegedon. They might be already...

It's just continually amazing and amusing to me that  these assholes try sooooo hard to defeat Ferrerman and think that collecting the souls of idiots will win Topix.

Well, it's OK to think that but, I know different.  I'm waaaay ahead of the class in that department!

Names

I'm already tired of the people who say: "Don't even speak their names!"

Please- can you even pronounce their names, the names of the Boston bombers? They don't exactly roll off the tongue the way our American terrorist's names do.

Lanza. Loughner. Holmes. Klebold. Harris. Rudolph. McVeigh. 

Tamerlan and Dzhokahar Tsarnaev?

Are you fucking kidding me? I can't spell their names without looking two, three times and I'm not about to commit it to memory. The newspersons have to do that but, I don't. It is sad that the victims names, though committed to history, are in few peoples memories beyond their families. That's the way that goes.

We do need to know why these assholes did this. If you're looking for a good reason, you'll never find it. However, it is important to know if they did this for their religion, for kicks or to impress Jodie Foster. This is why most people were hoping the younger one would be taken alive. Answer questions. Then we can kill you.

It was unprecedented, in modern times at least, to shut down an entire city to search for terrorists but, bombers can cause such a reaction. The last thing a city needs after one bombing is people gathered in places where more bombs could go off. Take away the targets, you render any other bombs pretty much useless. And there were more bombs. These assholes definitely had more mayhem in mind. Boston did all they could to cheat them while they figured out how to beat them. Much will be made of the millions of dollars lost to the business's that day but, happily, we'll never know what the loss of life could have been.

And, of course, there had to be conspiracies out of the gate. On Monday, dickhead Glenn Beck will reveal White House and Saudi involvement in the bombing. He's given the White House the entire weekend to own up to their involvement. Or, he's given himself the entire weekend to come up with a reason the Saudis would work with the White House, something they haven't likely done since- oh- September of '01? No one said there would be a good reason.

We can't help but know the names of these scumbags. Mark David Chapman murdered one of the greatest singer/songwriters of all time but, John Lennon lives on in the hearts, minds and history of millions while Chapman rots in jail. Shouldn't certain scumbags be reminded by society that such heinous acts result ultimately only in their own death and/or historical dishonor? You'd think they would have gotten that by now.

Coming Attractions

Well, I was watching the ballgame on FOX (White Sox lost- YAY!) and the gossip show, TMZ comes on- almost literally.

A camera crew was outside a restaurant where celebrities are known to dine and they saw Heather Locklear and her guy, probably waiting for the valet to fetch their car. I guess they do that. I mean, I know the valets do. Now I know the camera crews hang out while valets fetch cars.

Heather Locklear recently turned 51 and she looks pretty good. Guess what her secret is.

If you guessed semen facials, you are correct.

That's what she said. Let's go to the videotape:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s99EFUaHQH8

I don't know who her date was but, as you saw, he couldn't keep it zipped up. I guess that was just a post bathroom, wardrobe malfunction. Heather would have copped to having just blown him. It would have been as plain as the nose on her face, by golly!

They probably had a couple of cocktails at dinner, I guess. But, she's always been kinda bluntly blunt. I remember her a few decades back talking about how she preferred men with really big dicks. She dated Tommy Lee and other apparently big men. It probably got to a point where just being seen with her added four or five inches to a guy. I recall a Chicago DJ noting that men would, after a few more years, need to strap a board to their ass to keep from falling inside her. That's actually an old joke but, it might have been good advice. Maybe they should have asked her date if he had protection in the form of a 2x12?

Well, good for her, I guess. Imagine how youthful she look today if she had done porn instead of "TJ HOOKER"!

You don't say! You don't say!

Sometimes a telemarketer will call while I have company and, rather than hang up or cuss them out (mean, BTW, if you're scoring at home) I'll instead just listen and periodically say, "You don't say?" By the time the marketer has given up, I might have said (nothing but) "you don't say" at least a half dozen times. Invariably, if the Gods are willing and the stars are aligned, my guest will ask: "Who was that?"

I don't know...he didn't say! Hilarity ensues...

Silly, eh? But, "you don't say" is a pretty good way to be on the internet. It's not foolproof and it isn't the best segue in a blog post and it might not be the best title for one either but, it will do for now.

You don't say where you live and where you work and such on the internet because, you don't want creepy people knowing that sort of personal info, right? Everybody knows that. Right?

I don't know that that's a real threat. There are certainly many creepy people on the internet but, for the most part, I don't know how truly dangerous they are. My stalker, for example, has posted my name about one hundred times. I'm sure s/he has shared it with others via PM's and e-mails. Nobody has killed me yet. If they do, they'll most likely be caught and give up everybody involved anyway. Even if they didn't, they've left an electronic trail. These trolls aren't criminal genius's. They just make the mistake of thinking they are. They want you to make that mistake too.

I'm surprised at how little they know about me. They just ballpark everything. Then it's a combination of basic facts that you provide and extrapolations off of that. Like: "I got a parking ticket!" becomes: "HE DID TIME FOR MURDER!" Shit like that. Really. I've had posters put it out there that I had been in jail. No times, dates, charges or anything like that. Just the letters spelling out that- to their knowledge- I had done time... that's all they knew....could I confirm or deny that?

"When did you stop beating your wife?" is alive and well on the internet.

Never mind people finding out real stuff about you. They are more concerned with what bullshit they can make up about you and who they can get to believe that.

The sixth grade is alive and well on the internet.

You are supposed to deny everything, I guess, so that someone can wink and say, "Well, he would deny that, now...wouldn't he?"

The Upright Ladies Guild of Snootyville is alive and well on the internet.

I follow the teachings of former co-worker, Larry Mysterioso, and instead of lying and making shit up, I just don't give many solid, personal details about my life. I don't have a back story to keep track of. Life's a lot easier that way. People will accept a combat veteran of Vietnam as gospel but, gossip about a divorce, especially one that wasn't that unusual is to be cherished. It's just odd what people believe. I can make a thousand posts about "...the ladies calling me Two Nines" and some people won't believe I even have a dick- well, except a small one for photographic purposes to send to fake therapists...

No offense to women really, as the biggest offenders that come to mind on my corners of the internet are (alleged) males. Sambillycrunchykevinsub are the nastiest kitties on the net. They hiiiisssss at Ferrerman quite a bit. Not enough to make me cry but, that does seem to be the objective. I wouldn't drink with these guys, in real life. Have you seen the price of milk these days? When it'd be my turn to buy, those saucers would be expensive!

As it turns out...

Oops! A couple of days after I wrote about ArtGal's cancerous demise, I found out she was not at all quite dead after all.

Really, this wasn't that much of a surprise. I had dallied for several days in writing about her death because I just wasn't feeling it. I knew something wasn't kosher. I hate to have to write because it feels like school. So, I wrote it from the safe perspective that ArtGal  really was dead even if Andrea wasn't.

Though uneven because of her suffering from truthiness issues, she was an enjoyable poster. We knew she had lied in the past about her personal life. Well, that's Topix! Strangers on the internet don't need to know about your personal life but, you don't need to tell them you're a retired FBI secretary from the Behaviour Analysis Unit(!) unless you, well, need to. I have a knack for remembering details that people express about themselves. When these details change, I wonder why. It's usually because these people are fucking liars. We all know people like this In Real Life. If you think the internet is clogged up with fake Vietnam vets, you should work construction! You can't swing a hammer without hitting one! And then you want to swing that hammer again! Liars, folks, are everywhere! I am not making that up.

So, the internet, in that respect and so many others, is just like real life. My disgruntled friends I know from the 'net wonder how Ferrerman can't put up with these death-fakers and phoney vets and general fucking liars. It's easy! Here's how:

I don't actually know these motherfuckers. That makes a huge difference. The comfort zone of the internet is pretty nice. I've worked alongside these psychos in real life. Posting with the Sam's and the Oki's and Beckies and Angelique770's is much safer than actually walking among them. You don't have to watch your back. In real life if you are a Ferrerman and someone comes to every morning, and their entire day is dedicated to trying to destroy Ferrerman, it's a scary proposition! But, if you are a Ferrerman and someone comes to every morning and their entire day is dedicated to destroying Ferrerman's internet life, then it's just Thursday. Just a day like any other day.

It's interesting that a whole bunch of people who mourned ArtGal, all went looking for an obituary that they kinda sorta knew wasn't going to be there. Everyone saw the red flags. Internet liars are just like real life liars in that they can't remember their own bullshit. Most people can keep track of whether they are married or not and the number of kids they have. You'd think that would be important on the internet given that everything is written down (so to speak) but, you'd be wrong. It's perfectly acceptable, for example, to have a twin on the internet, even after someone finds a thread where you tell your twin that she'd really like your mom and should meet her some day.... Twins are very common on the internet. Soap operas too, I hear.

And, like soap operas, characters get written out of shows and sometimes that involves death. Most people get fed up with Topix and just quit posting and leave. Many get disgusted with it and re-register as another profile just to get away from the jerks they wound up posting with. Fake-dying is relatively rare but, it does happen enough to be too much. ArtGal evidently dragged out her cancer for like six years. At some point it's kill or cure, I guess. She was a bit of an attention whore but that had to end.

I don't know why these people continue to fancy themselves as criminal masterminds who have pulled off The Con Of The Century! They are toddlers, covering their eyes and believing that no one can see them. It's the internet! How hard is it to present yourself as anything when no one can see you? DUH!

But, just because everyone doesn't call you a fucking liar doesn't mean they believed your shit and you can be thanking the Academy anytime soon. I know the real life liars do believe they've gotten over on someone when they are not called out on their bullshit. Some of these people are so full of it, we could spend our days calling them out. If they wanna believe we believe they are secret agents- fine. Let's move on, Maxwell Dumb. I've actually had people- posting anonymously- giggle maniacally (I bet) that I don't know who they are! NO SHIT! Topix needs an app where these assholes can post with the letters of each word cut out from different newspapers, in different colors. Sheesh...

So, ArtGal is dead. To me, at least. Andrea lives on and that's fine. It turns out we didn't know each other, after all. I wish some of these other assholes might die off in a literary way. And honestly, if they are in real life as they are on Topix, getting run over by a truck wouldn't be a bad way for them to end their Topix career either...