Saturday, October 9, 2010

FERRERMAN: Private Dick

She was a pretty lady. A bit disheveled as if she were having a bad day but, good looking. I could tell she worked out, kept herself in shape. Maybe those gym fees had gotten the best of her?

"I'd like to report a missing country!" she cried. "My America is missing! I need you to find her!"

Jeez, I thought as I fired up a Winston, Why are the good-looking ones always crazy? When she walked in, I thought she might be Mrs Ferrerman the second and a half. Now I was afraid she would be because, well, I just don't marry well. I decided to humor her. Chicks dig that. I asked her describe her America.

She described an America of boys with crew-cuts spinning about town on Schwinn bicycles with bannana seats, baseball cards in the spokes. Little girls, she said, wore dresses and had pig-tails. All mom's stayed home (as required by law) and all dad's wore suits to work. Even the garbage men. There was no crime, no drugs, no Muslims and sex for the fun of it had yet to be invented.

My goodness but she had just described the America that I had known when my avatar pic was taken! I knew that America. I liked that America. Geez, I kinda wanted that America back too.... Well, that's what "MeToo" TV is for. Fucking "Highway Patrol" with Broderick Crawford was on tonight! I loved that show!

But, that America was gone. That America was not coming back except in re-runs. Others, it seemed, also had their own favorite eras in America they wanted to see return. The Tea Party seemed to favor 1776 because surely, our founding fathers never desired America to grow AT ALL. Thomas Jefferson himself was fond of saying: "America- don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me!" I think that was in "The Federalist Papers".

Others though pretty much wanted any time before November of '08 when, over night, America was transformed into a Socialist/Communist/Muslim nation of elites (Coming soon: Sharia Law!) It didn't matter much what golden era. As a part-time Southerner, I know folks south of the Mason/Dixon long for the halcyon days of the Civil War.(White folks only, please). The mainstream Republican party wants a time free of pesky unions, regulations and that insipid "minimun wage". The gun nuts (who belive that the 2nd amendment- THE ONLY AMENDMENT WORTH KILLING FOR!) seem to be torn between the revolution and the Civil war but would likely settle for both as long as full-auto assault weapons are part of the deal. They just want to kill. Freaks.

Mainstream Republicans also just want "less government" and they aim to get this by trying to eliminate the government we have now cause it's filled with pesky democrats. THAT is what they mean by "less government". Do not kid yourself. Whatever happens this November or during the one scheduled for '12, government will NEVER, EVER, get small. That is NOT gonna happen.

"So" she said, dabbing a tear from her eye, "can you help me get my America back? Please!"

No. I could not. No one could. No man, woman or political party could find and return her America. That America was in her memories and mine. Maybe yours as well. That America is right where it should be.

Do you want to find America? I'll show you it in a song.

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