Bernie Lincicombe, who used to be a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune, once remarked that the best thing about the Michael Jordan era in the NBA and with the Chicago Bulls, was that as a Chicagoan who traveled, he could now introduce himself to others all over the world without them saying: "CHICAGO? Al Capone!" This was invariably followed by someone's acting out the firing of a Tommy gun. Cute.
Al Capone and Tommy guns were the world-wide perception of the great city of Chicago until Michael started winning championships with da Bulls. I guess little Japanese people dropped their comical machine guns for hilarious pantomimes of slam dunks, at least in the 90's.
Al and Michael were the perceptions of Chicago that I have encountered whenever I have been out of town as well. Though I've never officially lived in the city limits, I do identify myself as being "from Chicago" when out of town. I'm actually from a suburb of Chicago but, to cut to the chase and head people off at the pass (as we say in the Western Suburbs) who will ask how far the suburb is from Chicago, I simply say, Chicago.
The Al Capone version used to intimidate people. They'd take a step back as if to see where this Chicago guy was hiding his Thompson. With the advent of Michael, they might have mentally stepped aside as well like a rival NBA forward not wanting to get caught on camera and wind up on a highlight reel or- worse- an MJ poster.
Silly, huh? Well, with the election of Chicagoan Barack H. Obama, it's gotten even sillier.
I don't get out of state much these days unless you count the inter-tubes as travel. But, my ISP says "Chicago" and if you know anything about the internet, THAT says it all. People from California to Casablanca see that ISP and they know that I'm part of that nasty, corrupt, Democratic, machine- like Obama- that runs roughshod all over Illinois and now, Washington and the world.
Sigh. Where's my Thompson when I need it? Where's my jumpshot?
I'm not the most politically astute person in most rooms. Really, my only saving grace is that I'm not an idiot. (Well, okay, that does depend on who you ask. I've got one and a half ex-wives, ya know) In most forums though, I'm a fucking political genius because, most people on the internet forums ARE idiots.
Honestly, partisanship aside, your average democrat IS more politically astute than your average republican because, they don't always define others based on their internet service provider at first and last glance. I have no earthly idea what the ramifications of cap and trade might be, for example. If you do and you seriously know the ins and outs of it and you came to whatever your conclusion is with an open, educated mind, I love you! But, if you are against it because it is proposed by corrupt, murderous, Chicago-style, socialist/communist/fascist/Muslim democrats like Tony Rezko and Barack Obama, you're an idiot. Same with health care. Unless you've got a better plan- one that doesn't simply involve leaving it as it is- shut up! To simply condemn EVERYTHING our president wants to do, for the aforementioned "Chicago-style" reasons, is stupid. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Republicans and teabaggers these days would complain if you hung them with a new rope. Worse, if you wrote about them complaining about hanging them with a new rope, they'd run around complaining that democrats were plotting Chicago-style mass executions of republicans- WITH ROPES! Clearly, gas chambers are more efficient and would provide huge profits for the corporations that provide deadly gas (assuming tax credits, of course) and those profits would then trickle down to everyone else, thus making everyone rich AND able to afford high insurance premiums (assuming, of course, that they have no pre-existing conditions and no intentions of getting sick. Ever.) Damn Chicago-style demoncrats!
Sigh, again. Well, it's not the worse prejudice to be a victim of, I guess. It's such a ridiculous stretch, even compared to Capone and Jordan, that you've got to shake your head and laugh. If a four year old tells you they believe in Santa Clause, it's cute. Don't ruin it for them. They'll get older and wiser and figure it all out for themselves. Unless, that is, they become 54 year olds who believe that Obama is a Chicago-style anything, I guess because he was really born in Kenya- doncha know...
There's nothing I can say to ruin it for these grown up fairy tale believers. No amount of facts or common sense will change their minds. In fact, if Beck or Bohener were to retract their rantings against Obama and his Chicago machine, their (former) followers would simply be told by someone else that they were "traitors". The song will remain the same. Republicans will continue to bleat like sheep, teabaggers would see it as further rationale for blood in the streets...
But, hey- this comes to you from Chicago (close enough)- I WOULD say all this, wouldn't I...
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