I was telling my friend, K, about a boy that I had worked with some 10 years ago who was 22 years old. I could never forget his age because he began nearly every statement he made with this preface: "I ain't but 22 years old and..."
Danny would then regale us with the various exploits and successes of his young life as opposed to the sad realities of our own, less productive lives. He weren't but 22 years old, for example, but he owned his own house whereas all the other men on the crew either rented or had bought their homes, much later in life than he had. It wasn't true. His wife, like a lot of guy's wives, wasn't a co-conspirator in her man's lies and she favored reality over fantasy and didn't mind talking about it. She told one of the fellas on the crew that their "rent" was X amount of dollars and they were hoping to buy a home within a year or two. This, of course, immediately got back to the crew. I honestly don't remember how Danny explained this domestic discrepancy but, suffice to say, one lie always gives birth to another and then another and no one on the crew had believed him anyway and weren't about to buy his new, improved version no matter what he claimed. Though caught, Danny wasn't about to fess up. Neither was he going to quit lying. I think he felt that all he needed to do was improve his lies rather than submit to reality.
Danny had had six fathers in his young life. The guy that K and I were discussing (Steve) hadn't even had his birth father for very long in his life and seemed to have grown up without a male role model in the house. One had too many, one didn't have enough. Both arrived at the station of manhood, totally lost, unprepared to deal with grown men and women. Danny compensated with lies about his achievements and Steve tried to bluff people with bravado and the smoke and mirrors of his being a self-made man, who had "been there, done that".
I'm always curious as to what motivates someone to lie. It's easy to see when someone lies to protect themselves and most of us understand that and may even sympathize that they might have been trying to stay out of trouble and hadn't really "meant" to lie. It just happened. And, if you tell a lie to hurt someone- as wrong as that is- at least it's obvious to most people WHY you told the lie- you wanted to HURT that person. We all get that even if we don't respect or condone it. That explains that lie. It was mean and viscious but, now we know why s/he lied. S/he hates so and so and wanted to hurt them. This also explains lies about WMD's and justifications for war. You gotta have the WMD's so, there ya go. You can always figure out- after the fact- WHY someone lied.
I'm 52 years old and over the years I have worked with a half-dozen guys my age who fought in Vietnam. I'll do the math for you on this. In 1973, when the US pulled it's troops out of VietNam, I was a sophomore in Highschool. Wouldn't that make these guys sophomores as well? Were there summer vacations a little more interesting than mine maybe? I usually came by these claims second hand. In casual conversation with guy "A", we would determine that we were the same age. Later, guy "B" would mention that "A" had told him about combat missions in 'Nam. Did you serve in 'Nam, Ferrerman? Um, no, I musta missed that. I read about it though...
There is, by law a think, supposed to be a little truth in every lie. Plausability helps as well. Yes, there was a Vietnam war and, yes, a million some men served in it but, no, no highschool kids. At least no highschool kids on our side. Because of our age, one guy had to amend his story from Vietnam to the first gulf war. He did this one morning- on the fly- as I walked into his Vietnam tale. No one else seemed to notice the change of venue or of decades.
Hey, it's cool to be a combat veteran. People will respect, admire and maybe even fear you. I think that "fear" aspect created the lie in this one guy's mind. He had been a life-taker and heartbreaker and, by God, he'd do it again. That's the basic idea. Each of these "veterans" had been in a position of authority over me and I guess that at the very least, they were simply padding their resume to get on in the workplace and further their careers. I can't respect that but, I can understand that. It works for awhile. Maybe it's the democrat in me. I tend to analyze people and things to understand why people do what they do and why things happened. I do this so that I might understand people and their motivations rather than condemn them outright. If, for example, a politician regularly rails in favor of family values and against gay rights, I'm not surprised when he get's caught with a mistress or with an under-cover cop in a men's room. He's lying to the public to further his career and keep his job. I get that part. But, he's lying to himself. I don't get that part.
That's when lies get out of control- when you believe your own lies. Most liars only want others to believe their lies and they go to sleep each night more or less with the sad reality of their lives. They probably sleep very well knowing that a new day and a new lie awaits them. Their possibilities are endless. Their realities, limited. Sad.
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